You don't have to say it - I know it anyway
by glee4everandalways
Summary: Kurt is inapparent. His larynx had to be moved because of cancer, a half year ago. Kurt really tried to live without his voice, but for him singing is just the most beautiful thing in the world. That's why he wants to plunge himself off a bridge when suddenly Blaine appears, who holds him back, but is it possible that they can be together without saying the three magical words?
1. The incident

_I loved to sing. I loved to let the sound of my soul and my heart fill the air and express my thoughts in the most beautiful way which was ever created by one lucky person so many years ago that nobody can remember who it was. Who created music? But I'm sick of thinking about it ..._

Kurt walks along the street, raises his gaze and looks up into the night sky. The stars shine like they never did before. This night seems to be beautiful. His heart beats faster with every step he takes, knowing that he is close to his long-awaited target.

_I loved to sing. I loved how I sounded and how most people liked it. I loved to make them smile and warm their hearts while I shared the warmth of my own._

Finally, he reaches the bridge and touches the parapet with a reverent relief as he passes by.

* * *

Blaine hates that he has to pass that damn bridge. He hates every bridge which spans a river. As he was a child, he fell from a bridge as he leaned forward to look at the ducks. He was only four years old and couldn't swim very well, he escaped the dead closely and is frightened of water and bridges ever since.

* * *

Kurt walks until he is in the middle of the bridge where it is the highest. He stares at the cold water which bubbles around the stones, knowing that he would be dead if he jumped and landed with the head on one of those.

_I loved to sing. I loved to speak. I loved to let everyone know how I felt, at a time when I was able to feel at all._

* * *

Blaine takes a deep breath full of fear as he takes the first step on the bridge, with his hands in is trouser pockets and his head conscripted between his shoulders as if he would try to hide himself.

* * *

Kurt takes a step forwards and bends over the banister more and more as he closes his eyes and let his tears flow, in remembrance of his lost life.

He doesn't know why but something in Blaine tells him to look up. It's a bad feeling in his chest so he decides to raise his head just a bit, to make sure that he won't lose his cover. Then he sees a boy who stands 15 meters or so away, leaning over the banister and is about to ..._** oh my god.**_

_I loved to sing. I loved to feel like a person, a real human being who is able to speak._

He leans more forward, shivering and crying.

_I really ... loved to sing._

Kurt wants to let himself be part of the stones and the water and the earth and leaves the hold of the banister as he suddenly gets overwhelmed and thrown on the ground.

* * *

"My god, are you mad? Don't throw your life away," Blaine screams as he lies upon the stranger, looking into the boy's watery and fearful eyes.

"It won't be that bad." He stands up, reaching the boy his hand.

"Come on, get up."

But this one doesn't take his hand and pulls himself up. Blaine stares at him. The boy has to be in the same age as him but he never saw him before, not even in school. He has pure white skin, almost pale and really beautiful blue eyes.

"What's your name?"

Blaine looks at him with a friendly smile.

* * *

Kurt hates that guy who thought he could play hero for a night._ Who does he think he is?_ Kurt was close to finally be free and now this happened ... and he asks him stuff ..._ awesome_. So Kurt just turns around and starts to take his way but a hand holds him back.

* * *

"Please wait, let's talk about it."

Kurt looks behind and tries to free himself, but the stranger's grip was too strong.

"I just want to help you ... ," Blaine says eagerly as the boy stops to fight against him.

"So what's your name?" He asks again, still gripping the boy's arm and doesn't recognize that Kurt rolls his eyes.

Blaine can't see him distinctly at all because it is night and clouds are sliding in front of the moon.

"Why don't you answer me? Has the cat got your tongue?"

Blaine didn't complete his sentence as he could feel a fist in his face.

* * *

Finally, after Kurt punched him in his face, the guy leaves hold of him so Kurt can run away, not looking back and trying to forget this incident.

* * *

Blaine gazes after the boy in wonder.

"You're welcome," he cries after him as he suddenly realizes that he is standing on a bridge and runs away.

_**What was that all about? I just wanted to help ... He is so young ... and tall ... has beautiful eyes. Damn ... Forget it, Anderson! Put that idea right out of your mind! He wanted to kill himself and wasn't even nice to you after you saved him. Forget it. Forget this incident. Forget this person. Forget ... those ... eyes.**_

Blaine stops walking and turns around, thinking about if he was able to catch him up.

_**Probably not**_, he thinks and starts to run after him.


	2. Destiny

_**You're stupid, Anderson**_ - Blaine thinks as he crosses the bridge once again, running after a strange boy who has suicidal tendencies. Finally, the bridge ends and he runs along the street, until he comes to a crossroad. **_Great._** He doesn't see the boy and has no idea which way he should go. _**Okay, here you are, fool.**_ Blaine sighs, stands still and looks into the pedestrian area. There is no person he could ask whether anyone saw him. Something in Blaine doesn't want to give up, of course he knows how creepy he seems, but ..._** those eyes.**_ He looks up into the sky, watching the stars, as the clouds faded away. **_Did the stars ever shine as bright and majestic as now? _**Sad by the thought of his lost chance he drops his gaze and catches sight of a person who sits on a few stairs, two houses away.

* * *

_Why? Why can't one time just one thing work out? Why am I supposed to be a victim for the rest of my life? No. No. I won't be a victim. There are other ways. Other chances. Maybe not tonight ..._

Kurt sits down on a few stairs of a house. He tucks up his his legs close to his body and shores up his head upon his knees, which he covers with his arms.

_I won't stand one single day more being like this ..._

The night is chilly and Kurt starts to shiver as he sits on the cold stone but he doesn't even think about to stand up.

_It hurts ... my butt ... hurts ... Congratulations, Hummel. You can '__feel'__ again._

Animated by this thought, his chest starts to quiver as if he was laughing. But the night remains silent, except of traffic noise, a few blocks away.

_You're horrible!_ - Kurt thinks and continues to laugh at his own wretchedness. Suddenly his mouth trembles and silent tears roll down his face. Shortly afterward, he feels an unexpected warmth on his underarm and raises his gaze full of fear, looking in a pair strange, cordial, brown eyes.

* * *

"Don't worry, it's just me," Blaine says as he puts his hand down on the boy's arm. Now, looking into this blue eyes again, which are full with so much pain and sorrow, he realizes that he cries. _**Weird,**_ he thinks,_** I didn't hear him sob.**_

* * *

_What does this asshole want?_

"I want to talk with you," Blaine means, takes his hand away and sits down next to the boy, as this one suddenly stands up.

_Find yourself a hobby._ Kurt walks away, leaving the indignant guy alone.

"Don't you dare just walk away from me!" Blaine jumps up and sees how the boy raises his arm and shows him his middle finger without turning around.

* * *

_**You little shit!**_ Blaine walks after him, really annoyed that his tactfulness was rejected in such a rude way.

"People like you are so damn egoistic!"

Kurt hears what he screams and turns around, offended and wondering what this guy wants to achieve.

"People like you just want their own pain to stop, not thinking about their friends or families. People like you are just egoistic and really horrible!"

Kurt winces, knowing that he is right.

_You're right. I am horrible, I know. That's why I wanted to release the world from me._

Kurt wants to walk away, but feels a hand on his arm, which holds him back. Kurt raises his free hand and wants to punch the stranger, but as he turns around, the guy awaited his fist and grabs it. So they are eyeball to eyeball while Kurt tries to free himself from Blaine's strong hands, without success.

_Why don't you just fuck off? Let me go._

"So now you can talk to me!"

_Nope, I'm afraid to disappoint you._

Blaine tries to look into his eyes, but the other guy turns his face away and is fiercely trying to escape.

* * *

Kurt shakes his head and hates himself for his weakness even more than one hour ago (he didn't think that this was possible). _That's it._ He knees the guy in the groin, pulls out a notebook and a pen of his back, as the stranger releases him, sinking to the ground, wailing.

* * *

"My GOD! I'll never help anyone again in my whole life!"

Blaine stares at the boy who holds a notebook out to him. Blaine stands up with an ineffable pain between his legs.

"What's wrong with you?"

Blaine watches the boy, but this one just pushes the book closer to Blaine, so he looks at it and starts to read:

**I can't talk, you emotionally maladjusted jerk!**

He stares at the boy in disbelieve.

"What do you mean, you can't talk?"

* * *

_How can one person be so stupid?_

Kurt rolls his eyes and underlines the words 'can't' and 'talk' with such an eager expression that Blaine laughs out. Kurt looks up and taps his forehead at the guy.

"No, don't walk away again," he screams after Kurt turned around again.

"I didn't laugh at you. I just ... You ... looked cute."

He catches up to him again and walks next to him as Kurt looks at Blaine with a confused face. He writes something in his notebook and shows it to Blaine.

**U GAY?**

Blaine gives Kurt an amused smile, nods and reaches out his hand.

"I'm Blaine Anderson, nice to meet you."

_Oh, boy. Just leave me alone._ Kurt tries to ignore the guy who walks next to him.

"What's your name? Come on. Write it down!"

Kurt leaves out an inaudible sigh and writes something. Blaine wants to crib what he is writing but he is already done and shows his written words, pointing at a house.

"**That's my home. Go, find yourself a boyfriend and leave me alone**," Blaine reads out loud with raised eyebrows.

"No, no ... no. I won't let you go. You know my name, but I don't know yours. You owe me something."

Kurt gives him an unfazed look and walks up the stairs to the frontdoor.

* * *

"Please wait, give me at least your number, that we ... - " He interrupts himself, guessing what he did.

_Yeah, I'll give you my number, so that we can phone. It'll be great talking to you. Awesome. Totally. I have so much to tell._

Kurt opens the door, standing in the door frame he realizes that he can't leave this person like that, so he turns around one last time. And Blaine, happy to see this, smiles at him.

_You really ... have a beautiful smile. The most beautiful I've ever seen ... And I hate you for what you've did._

Kurt raises his hand and waves at the stranger, just a few seconds long, Blaine doesn't even recognize what he does, until he stops and closes the door behind him.

_**No damn, ... he waved at me.**_

He could hit himself for letting the chance pass by.

* * *

Kurt stands behind a window and gazes after the gu- ..._ Blaine. His name is Blaine._

He returns to the same direction, they came from._ Blaine. Why didn't we meet one year ago?_

Kurt drops his head, right before he hears a knocking at the door.

* * *

As the boy opens, he looks angry at Blaine.

"Hey again, no ... please let me talk. I won't give up ... I will get a date with you and I'll visit you here every day and will try to guess your name ... And when I say your right name, you have to go out with me at the same day!"

Kurt opens the mouth and raises his eyebrows.

"But," Blaine comes closer to the boy and whispers "Today it's my first chance ... and I say, your name is Rumpelstiltskin!"

Kurt's chest quivers like he's laughing but no sound escapes his mouth. The moment after this happened, Kurt's face becomes so sad that Blaine feels a stitch in his heart.

"So this one wasn't it ... I thought it wouldn't be that easy. But I will guess it. I will go through the internet and look for all names and I will know it when I see it. All the best!"

* * *

Kurt stands there, still looking at his direction although he was long gone.

_Blaine ... Why? Why do you do this? Compassion? Do you want to laugh at me again? Do you want to make a foul out of me? Is this a bet among a few mean youths? But it was coincidence that you met me so it wasn't a beg ... Blaine ..._

Kurt looks up to the sky, not willing to smile, but he can't help. He just smiles at the stars.

_It wasn't a beg ..._

He closes his eyes.

_What if it was destiny?_


	3. The first date

Kurt walks up the stairs and stands still as he passes his father's bedroom. The door is open, since the first night Kurt came home from hospital. Burt doesn't want to miss any sound which Kurt makes, in fear that he has some kind of pain and isn't able to cry for help.

_Dad ... I'm so sorry._

As he stands in front of his bed, he takes his suicide note, which he had written for his dad, and puts it into the wastebasket.

_At least, I tried._

Kurt slumps on his bed, tired but he can't sleep. Every time he closes his eyes he sees this face. He rolls around in his blankets, feeling really uncomfortable.

_He said, he'll come tomorrow to visit me. Tomorrow. One hour ago, I wanted nothing more than the end, the end of my pain. I hated the life, the sun, the sky, the stars, the whole world. I hated to have a prospect of tomorrow. How is this possible? How can one moment change everything? How can I suddenly look forward ... to tomorrow?_

* * *

_**Three hours, three hours, just three hours less**_ ... Blaine gets totally nervous and looks at the clock the whole day as if he was able to influence the time. He thought about to visit the boy this morning, but he doesn't know when he has to get up and goes to school and so he decided to visit him in the evening.

_**But there aren't any other schools in this small city ...**_

* * *

"What you're doing, Blaine?"

Blaine looks up to his neighbour in history class.

"Uhhhmmm ... I collect names. Do you want to add a few?"

And so the paper goes through the class and everyone adds a few names, without that the teacher realizes it. Blaine gets hundred of names very fast, but after he read it, he knows, his name isn't amongst those.

* * *

"Hey guys! I need to ask you something," Blaine starts, as they sit in the canteen and eat.

"I'm now here for five months now and I still don't know much about the school and the people and so ..." He sighs.

_**I shouldn't do this ...**_

"Do you know something about a boy in our age, who ... "

_**Don't do this. DON'T. No. Stop!**_

"... who is mute?"

He looks at his friends who stare at him, completely clueless.

"Do you mean this Hummel guy or ...?" One starts to speak, but gets interrupt by another.

"Why are you asking?"

"Uhhhhhh ..."

_**SHIT.**_

"Just ..."

_**Only the truth is trustworthy.**_

"Met someone yesterday and I was wondering why I never saw him at school."

"Kurt Hummel. I'm surprised, that you saw him. Nobody ever saw him since five months or so. He was, well ... he still is a junior at our school. But I guess it was hard for him after he lost his voice." He stops talking, but Blaine isn't pleased with the news he heard at all.

"What happened? And how can he just not go to school?"

"Why do you even care?"

"Forget it."

**_What shall I do? I know his name. I could just walk to him and say it. I could do it._**

* * *

Kurt hoped that Blaine would come, all day long. But he didn't.

_I knew it._

Burt works the whole day, from 8 a.m. until 7 p.m. Now, it's right before 7, he would come home soon and Kurt doesn't even think about Blaine, then he hears the door bell ring.

"Hey you, did you forget me?"

_How could I?_

* * *

Blaine smiles at Kurt who stands in the door frame. Blaine holds a paper in his hand, wears red pants, a dark blue shirt and a red bow tie. His curls are so cute covered with a layer of hair gel, that one just wants to put one's hands on it and feel that good looking hair.

* * *

"Listen, I collected many names the whole day, but I think that yours isn't amongst them."

He runs his fingers through his hair, looking insecure.

"I don't know ... What if I never find out your name? It was a bad idea of me ..."

Kurt smiles and nods while Blaine stares at him.

"You think so, too?"

Again, he nods.

"Would you've go out with me, without my stupid idea?"

Kurt takes his notebook and writes something down.

**Now, since you made your decision, you'll never know.**

"Oh nooo!"

He laughs, raises his head and looks at Kurt with a pensive face.

"Then go out with me, today. It's Friday, it would be perfect. Please. We can eat something and then go to the cinema and ..."

**Ok** – Kurt shows Blaine his note.

"Really?" Blaine laughs excited about it and wants to hug him but he doesn't, not knowing what Kurt really thinks.

"I will pick you up at 8 p.m. Okay?"

Kurt nods with strange sad eyes.

"Do you want to go somewhere else?"

He shakes his head but seems really thoughtful, what makes Blaine feel sad.

"You don't have to go out with me, if you -" Suddenly a car drives into the driveway, stops and a man dismounts.

"Hey, what do you want?" Burt looks angry at Blaine as he walks to them.

**Calm down, dad!**

"Uhmm, hello. We were just tal ... we just ..." But Blaine doesn't know how to describe what they were doing, feeling really out of place.

**Bye Blaine, I'll handle it. See you later**. - The note means.

"Okay ... bye. Nice to meet you," he mumbles, nods at Kurt's dad and leaves.

* * *

"Who was this?" But Kurt just walks away from his dad, who follows him.

"Kurt, who was this?" Annoyed, Kurt turns around, scribbling something on his papers.

**A friend, I'll go out with him this evening at 8. Don't worry.**

And he walks up the stairs, rolling his eyes as his dad screams after him, concerned as always.

_Dad. Give me space to breath._

* * *

He is 10 minutes too soon, drives in front of the house and waits in his car, almost shaking by thinking about what is going to happen.

_**Oh my god. I made it. It's true.**_

´Kurt walks out of his house, to the car, wearing normal skinny jeans, a really nice blue shirt and a black jacket. He isn't dolled up at all but looks simply amazing just with his natural charisma.

* * *

"Hey!" Kurt opens the door and sits on the passenger seat.

"I didn't think that you'll ever accept my offer. I'm so nervous, I can't even drive." He laughs at himself and puts his hand on his forehead, like he would be ashamed.

"You didn't let me know what your name is. How may I call you?"

Kurt hikes his shoulders and looks at Blaine without any emotion.

"Hmm ... I don't have to call you by your name."

_That was a bad idea. Really bad. I shouldn't be here right now._

* * *

Blaine starts the car.

"I thought we could go in a restaurant at first and then watch a movie, would that be okay?" Again, Kurt nods, but Blaine isn't sure whether it's really okay. _**Would this person write down what bothers him? Would he let other people know?**_

* * *

Now they sit in a fancy restaurant and Kurt stares down at the carte.

"Just point at it, I'll order for you."

_Of course ... you have to. I'm disabled._

So Kurt points at something and Blaine orders their food as a waiter passes by. He leaves and Blaine looks at Kurt, realizing that he looks really worried. He bends over to him.

"What's wrong?"

Kurt pulls out his notebook and shows Blaine his message.

**I hate to be not able to even say 'thanks' to the waiter. I feel uncomfortable.**

"Excuse me?" The waiter stands still.

"We would like to leave now."

"But you've already ordered your meal."

"I'll pay it."

**You won't** – Kurt scribbles.

But Blaine gave the man already the money and stands up.

"Come on."

* * *

They walk to the car.

"Let's go to Mc Donalds."

Blaine wonders that Kurt shakes his head and writes something again.

**Never been there. Dad doesn't want that I eat that stuff.**

"But do you want to?"

He hikes his shoulders.

"You have to try it at least once in your life!"

* * *

Therefore, they drive to the 'drive-in' and Blaine orders so many things that Kurt doesn't even know what he wants to do with it. After they got their food, Blaine drives on a parking and stops the car. Kurt pulls out his purse.

"Don't even think about it. It's a date and I invite you. Here." He gives him a Cheeseburger.

"Try it!"

It is pure hotness how Kurt opens his mouth and chews the burger with pleased eyes.

"I knew you would like it."

* * *

_My stomach hurts ... ate too much_ - Kurt thinks and lays his second burger down, that is just half eaten.

"What's wrong? Don't you like it?"

**Ate too much** – he writes.

"Seriously?"

**Don't eat that much, usually ...** And Blaine realizes for the first time how thin Kurt is. He is a bit taller than Blaine and has really slender arms and legs. Kurt's whole body seems to could be broken if someone nudges him.

_**What the hell happened to you?**_

* * *

"Hmm, but for ice cream, there's always enough space in the stomach. OOOOOOOPEN your mouth!"

Blaine laughs and he holds a spoon with ice out to Kurt.

_Kidding?_

"The best ice cream in the whole world!"

And as Kurt just looks at him, unimpressed, Blaine moves the spoon like people do, who want to feed a baby who doesn't want to open its mouth.

_I may be disabled, but I'm able to eat alone._

He turns his head away and looks out of the window, Blaine's smile disappears.

"I'm sorry. I'm acting like a jerk."

_You don't say!_

"I'm always like that, when I don't know what I should do ... I have no clue what I should do in the moment, I'm nervous and -" Suddenly Kurt takes the spoon, let the soft ice smelt in his mouth, and feels how it flows down his gullet, and reaches his stomach.

_Ahhhh_

Kurt can just open the door and leans out of the car right before he has to barf.

"My god, you, what happened?" Blaine slides closer to Kurt, puts a hand on his shoulder, but Kurt slaps it away, still spitting gastric juice. It is really hard for Blaine to tell how bad it is, because he didn't hear him retch, he just heard how something liquid hit the ground but now, Kurt clenches his fingers and starts to breathe normally again, so Blaine couldn't help, but lay his hand between Kurt's scapulae, moves it in circles to reassure him.

As suddenly as he opened the door, he closes it again and looks straight ahead.

"Bubble gum?"

Kurt takes it.

_How embarrassing. Vomiting during a date. Great, Hummel!_

"Why -" Eagerly, Kurt shakes his head and Blaine sighs.

_**Why don't you let my know what you think just one time? Do you like to torture me?**_

"Luckily, we have enough to eat, so here you have-" Again the head-shaking.

**Cinema?** And Blaine does as Kurt wrote and drives them to the cinemas.


	4. A test, a kiss, a big mistake

"What do you want to see?" Kurt points at the Cloud Atlas film poster.

"Kurt, that's not even a new one." He points again.

"So you know this one? Okay ... Popcorn? No?"

* * *

Cinema. There's no better place where you can get to know each other. Kurt once watched a movie in cinema with a guy who remained silent and didn't turn his head to him once.

Blaine always talked to Kurt and joked about a scene or smiled about a cute moment, it's really nice to watch a movie with him, but the movie is almost wasted, there are just a few minutes – the finale.

* * *

'... and by each crime and every kindness, we birth our future.'

_**How I love this movie.**_

Blaine stares at Kurt in disbelieve. _**He's crying.**_ Kurt's eyes are directed at the screen, wide open.

The tears roll down his flawless face, while he just sits there and does nothing, well he does something.

_**He cries.**_

Blaine doesn't know what it is, but somehow this view is extremely graceful, innocent and damn hot at the same time. The whole time, they were sitting so close to each other, Blaine thought about to put his arm around him, but he always had this awkward feeling that it's better to do not. Suddenly he feels it in his whole body.

_**I die, if I can't finally touch you.**_

Blaine, who already forgot the movie, gazes at him and puts his arm around his shoulders, without even trying to pretend he just stretches his arm or so. Slowly, Kurt turns his face to Blaine, looking in his eyes.

_**What are you thinking? Your beautiful blue eyes are a closed book to me.**_

So Blaine wants to take his arm away, but Kurt holds his hand with his gentle fingertips, symbolizing, that it's okay. Kurt watches the movie again, while Blaine simply can't avert his eyes from this guy.

* * *

"Cloud Atlas is amazing. I loved the movie, so I read the book. Did you read it, too?"

Kurt nods as they walk to Blaine's car late in the night.

"Much more better, than the film, like always. I hate, how they made Robert into this kind of ... you know ... megahorny, just because he's gay. That's a creepy stereotype and that's not okay. I mean, we're not like this, are we?"

_You love the movie. You read the book. You think the same as me. Why are you so perfect?_

Kurt nods, takes his notebook and writes something down.

**How did you know that I'm gay?**

Blaine has to laugh

"I wasn't sure until you meant, that you'll go out with me."

**My name's Kurt Hummel.**

Blaine gasps for air as he sees the note with that information he already knew, but wasn't able to act like he'd know.

_**He lets me know ... Did he open his heart a little bit?**_

"Kurt ... nice name"

He shudders as Blaine called his name for the first time, with his soft, warm voice _... it sounded like a prayer._

* * *

Kurt stares out of the window, thinking about the evening and how fast it passed by. Suddenly Blaine indicates and takes a right.

_Okay, here we are. Now he's gonna rape me. I knew, he was too good to be true._

Blaine drives a few miles and stops the car, near to a forest.

"I don't want this evening to end," he says with a wobbly voice, as he turns to Kurt.

_What?_

"I wasn't as happy as now for a long time, I don't want to say goodbye to you, but it drives me crazy, that I never know what you're thinking about. I mean, you could write down much more, but sometimes I have the feeling that you enjoy letting me suffer. Or you don't want to inform the others ... How will I ... or anyone else know what you think?" He stops and takes a breath.

"Really, I liked this evening. I like you Kurt, but I -" Suddenly Blaine looks up, like he's having an idea. He turns and brings his head closer to Kurt's.

_He wants to kiss me ... gonna punch him in his face._

Blaine comes closer, puts his hand on the headrest.

_Have to punch him..._

Blaine closes his eyes and pulls himself closer the Kurt the last inches.

_Oh GOD_

Tensed, Kurt closes his eyes too and waits for his mouth to finally feel Blaine's lips, but after he sits there, a few moments pass while nothing happens and he opens his eyes again and gets a sight of two beautiful brown eyes, which seem to smile.

Pleased grinning, Blaine pulls his head away and laughs a bit, to loosen the tenseness.

"I knew it ..."

_What the hell?_

"I ... you feel same as me, don't you?"

Kurt just sits there, with an open mouth, not knowing what to think about it.

"You'd let me kiss you." And he puts his hand on his mouth, trying to hide his smile while Kurt slowly starts to realize.

_That bastard wanted to test me._

"I wasn't sure until now, but now ... you feel it too, don't you? You also feel this chemistry ... This kind of ... magnetic attraction between us, since we touched for the first time. Since I knocked you over on the bridge." A laugh, "Did you know, that I'm afraid of bridges? As I was a child, I almost drowned ..." Slowly he puts his hands on the steering wheel, looks in the distance and strengthens his grip.

"I'm sorry, you must feel weird. But you urged me to do something to be sure about your feelings. I really like you ... please. Kurt, do something. Anything."

Blaine drops his head, closes his eyes and takes a breath, suddenly he feels a cold petite hand on his hand and looks up to Kurt, who quickly pulls his hand away, with uncertain eyes.

* * *

_Oh my ... What have I done? Stupid, Hummel, stupid._

"Gonna kiss you now."

He pulls closer and lays his fingertips on Kurt's cheekbone.

_**He's so thin, too thin.**_

His lets his fingers drive along his soft skin, down to his nape, where he deposits his hand, softly and sorrowful to not hurt him.

_God, my god. My heart. My blood boils. Kiss me. Do it. Now. Oh no. He's gonna feel my frantic pulse under his hand._

And actually, Blaine leads his eyes from Kurt's eyes down to his own hand, which lies above Kurt's carotid.

_Damn._

Ashamed, Kurt turns his face away, but Blaine grips his hand and lays it on his chest. Kurt wants to pull his hand away, but Blaine is stronger than him, as always. Then he feels it.

Under his palm he feels Blaine's racing heart.

He looks at Blaine with widened eyes and waits that he says something, but he doesn't. It's absolutely silent in the car. It's so silent, that Kurt only hears his heart. Or is it Blaine's? Blaine smiles, lightly blushed, while their hearts are racing in the same nervous speed.

_This can't be. No way. He can't be as nervous as I am ..._

* * *

Blaine pushes himself forward, as close to Kurt as possible, pulls his nape to him, gently. Finally he lays his lips on Kurt's, feeling the soft - too cold to be healthy - flesh and wants to shove his tongue between those fantastic lips, as Kurt pulls his head away. Unsatisfiedly, Blaine's head follows Kurt as he looses the counterpressure. Suddenly a hand is sliding between their faces, but he continues to kiss the cold palm. Kurt tries to draw his hand from Blaine's grip, but he just kisses him much more passionately.

"Aahhhh!" Blaine screams as he get punched in his face.

* * *

Kurt stares at him with consternation.

"Kurt, I'm so sorry," he wants to stroke his cheek but Kurt turns his face away. Blaine sighs.

"Did I screw it up? It's just ... it wasn't my intention to ... I was overwhelmed by you."

Kurt writes something, looks at Blaine and smiles.

**Drive me home, please. My dad becomes anxious quickly.**

* * *

So Blaine starts the car and drives Kurt home. He doesn't said anything during the whole drive, frightened to do something wrong. Now - 11:37 p.m. - they're at Kurt's home and Blaine stops the car.

"Kurt, I want to apologize for -" He gets interrupted as Kurt holds out a note.

**This evening has been fine, thanks for it.**

Blaine stares at Kurt, with hungry eyes and wants to kiss him again, but this one just opens the door and leaves the car, damn hot smirking.

"Kurt," Blaine opens his door and screams out of the car.

"May I visit you tomorrow?"

He sees how Kurt hikes his shoulders what has to say: Why don't you try it? Blaine laughs out.

"Okay, see you tomorrow."

* * *

Kurt opens the door, with a heart full of joy, he could jump in the air, as suddenly someone switches on the light.

_Oh no._

Burt stands there, with an angry gaze.

"Didn't I tell you to be home at 11 p.m.? Do you know how late it is? That was a big mistake, my son."

Burt couldn't hear his son screaming as he beats him, he only heard the loud bang when a fist hits cheekbones.


	5. Breathtaking

|* Hey everyone who reads my fanfiction *-* I try to upload at least one chapter a week, but it's kinda diffucult since I'm in senior year and have lots of stuff to do. Feel free to post your review with the things you like and don't like and maybe a few language corrections? But not just say that my grammar sucks, I know it by myself, if you want to be my beta, I'll love you until my dying day, but don't just spray hate.

Thank you X aida *|

* * *

For a moment, Kurt has the feeling, like he'd lose his head – a big throbbing pain overwhelms him, reflexively he puts his hand on his cheek and stares at his dad, terrified. Burt chances his mood immediately and feels sorry.

"Kurt," he wants to lay his hands on his shoulders but Kurt just runs upstairs into his room and locks the door. Suddenly he feels the familiar stitches in his stomach again and has to retch. Because his belly is empty, his whole stomach constricts as he vomits gastric acid. He collapses and cries tears of pain while he clenches his fists and crouches in front of the door, shivering as he stops to retch.

* * *

_Blaine._

Suddenly his whole body feels cold and Kurt breaks into shivers.

_Blaine._

_If I only had your number._

Hysterically he puts his hand into his pockets, trying to feel a bit warmer, then he feels a piece of paper with a number and a message on it.

- ' Why don't you text me? Blaine ' -

Promptly, Kurt takes his phone and types a message.

- ' Blaine, would you stay at me for tonight, please? I don't feel good. But park your car at the very front, at the beginning of the street. And don't ring the bell. I'll wait for you. Kurt ' -

* * *

Blaine is almost at home as he gets a message from a unknown number. At first he was happy as he saw from whom it was, but then, he reads the text. Something happened with Kurt and Blaine feels horrible not knowing what's wrong. He parks his car and runs the rest of the way._** Kurt's house isn't lighted, that's weird**_ – Blaine thinks and walks up the stairs while suddenly the door opens.

* * *

"Kurt? What the -" But Kurt slaps his hand upon Blaine's mouth, gives him a torch and symbolizes that he should follow him. It's pretty dark and although he has a flash (which isn't very bright), Blaine feels very insecure as he sneaks up the stairs, right behind Kurt. Finally Kurt opens a door and Blaine is bedazzled for a moment by the light which comes towards him. Kurt pulls him into his room and locks the door in panic.

* * *

"Kurt? What - " Then Blaine recognizes his right swollen cheek.

"Who was this?" Kurt just shakes his head while his lips and his shoulders start to quake as his tears find their way out of his eyes. He lays his hands on his head and feels a warm and a bit shorter body which hugs him. Blaine strokes Kurt's back which isn't a joy. He feels his spine, his ribs and is scared to press too strong against this fragile body.

"I'm here. Everything's okay. You're safe." But no matter what Blaine says, the body doesn't want to stop shivering.

"Kurt look at me!" Blaine loosens the embrace and takes Kurt's hands in his. Kurt stares at him with widened eyes, still crying.

"I won't hurt you. And I'll never let someone else hurt you again. Do you understand?" He lays his left hand on Kurt's left cheek and wipes away his tears with his thumb.

"And now, stop crying!"

* * *

For a moment they just stand there, looking each other deep in the eyes both longing that the other would make the first step. Suddenly Kurt's mood chances and he takes a step behind. Gently he picks Blaine's hand away from his cheek and drops it. Blaine's eyes follow him as Kurt walks to his bed and writes something into his notebook. His eyes scan every inch of his thin body.

_**He looks so great. Need to see him shirtless. Kiss him. Touch him. Suck his -**_

Kurt looks at him with a questioning look.

_**OH my ... he saw it in me ...**_

"Sorry, I was ... absent." Blaine stares at Kurt and tries to forget the pictures that he had built in his head.

"What is it?" Blaine asks and goes over to Kurt, reading his message.

**Wanna watch a movie? Then choose a DVD!**

_**Wanna do something else with you ...**_ Kurt points to a shelf with DVDs.

_Okay I have Action, Horror, Comedies, Disney and Musicals. When he chooses Action, then he just wants to be 'friend' with me. Horror – he likes creepy thinks and wants to make me shout. Comedies – he doesn't take the whole situation seriously. Disney ... everyone loves Disney, but choosing this after a date would be ... childish? Musicals. Please chose a Musical. Musicals are 're Comedy and Action and Love and most of all – Music. I can't resist any guy who likes musicals. There's nothing more romantic than singing your feelings and let the world be part of your voice. Voice... NO! ... back to business... Musical... and if he chooses Moulin Rouge ..._

* * *

Blaine stands in front of the shelf, scanning the movies, strained.

_**He tests me. He wants to know which one I chose ... Musicals!**_

Blaine catches a sight of Kurt's Musical collection.

_**West Side Story, Mamma Mia, Rent, The Phantom of the Opera ... Moulin Rouge. Oh god. Moulin Rouge, a love story with plenty sexual innuendos. It's funny and awesome just one of the greatest love stories in the whole world. But watching it with a guy that I know just for ... a few hours? That would be one step ahead ... NO! He'd be scared and walk away ... it's like I'd ask him to marry me. NO WAY!**_

"This one?" Blaine turns around, holding Moulin Rouge in his hand.

_After all ..._

Kurt smiles and nods.

_**Need to be stricter with myself ...**_

Blaine starts the movie and lies down on the bed, next to Kurt, who lies prone. Kurt has a really big TV in his room, directly opposite of his bed.

**Drink something?**

Blaine nods and watches how Kurt fills up a half-full glass and gives the bottle to Blaine.

"For me?" Kurt nods.

"You sure?" He nods again, really annoyed to move his head like a doll all the time.

"Okay, let me guess. You give me your bottle, because you don't want to leave the room and get me a glass ... for unknown reasons ..."

It starts Kurt shows Blaine his note and eyes the screen.

_**He looks better**_ – Blaine thinks relieved as he realizes that he stopped crying.

* * *

During Come what may, Blaine attempts to put his arm around Kurt, but Kurt just stares at him, with widened eyes, like he'd be a stranger and they never kissed. Blaine contracts his brows and takes his arm away with chagrin.

_**Why is he acting like this? We kissed, we hugged. He texted me, to stay at him this night ... just to watch Musicals? Without just putting my arm around him?**_

Then Blaine hates himself, as he recognizes that although he was really worried about Kurt he acted out of ulterior motives.

_**You are really a bastard, aren't you, Blaine Anderson? A dick-driven bastard.**_

Blaine hides his blushing face under his hands. The worst thing is, that now at that point on which he thinks about how dick-driven he is, he can't forget the pictures. Pictures of Kurt. Pictures of Kurt laughing ... Kurt crying ... Kurt undresses himself ... Kurt naked ... Kurt being aroused ...

He jumps up and walks to the bathroom.

"Need a moment!" Luckily Kurt has a room with bathroom in it so Blaine doesn't have to unlock the door ... unkown danger awaits out of this door.

* * *

Blaine puts his head under the faucet and moans as the cold water hits him like thousands of stitches. He clenches his fists, takes deep breaths and tries to forget the pain but he can't. At least he forgets the other feeling inside of him, a feeling further down ... in his pants. The ache doesn't stop, although he stopped the water, he feels muddled and bases himself on the washbasins with a racing heart. A knocking – Kurt stands in the door frame and stars at Blaine wondering what happened since he heard him moaning. Blaine looks up and his wet curls are in his face while the water drops down his skin. Insecure, Kurt tries to focus on his eyes, but it's really hard to. Then Blaine runs his fingers through his hair, taking the curls out of his face and sighs because he feels like he is caught in the act.

* * *

"Don't look at me like this. It's your fault ... you're ... breathtaking." Kurt gasps for air and slowly takes a step back as Blaine walks up to him. Something strange is in Blaine's face, Kurt can't allocate it to anything else he ever saw. He jerks, as he suddenly feels the back pressure of his shelf against his back. Blaine takes the last steps to Kurt, still dripping and looking so damn hot, that Kurt can't think about anything or anyone else. He is frightened of his touch, but doesn't desire anything more like this at the same time. _God, please ..._

* * *

Both are so close to each other, that they can feel the coldness of their bodies. Blaine is wet and over-chilled while Kurt is always cold. Blaine puts his left hand on Kurt's left nape and feels the tensed and slightly shivering body under him. He pulls himself up and whispers into Kurt's ear.

"Boys like you shouldn't invite boys like me to stay for the night."

Then he kisses his earlobe, takes it in his mouth and starts to suck, while the body twitches and collapses. Blaine continues kissing the nape wildly and comes closer to his mouth and sees Kurt's face again, which stares at him like he is an alarming monster. Abruptly he pushes himself away from Kurt, which sits up and wipes away his tears.

"I'm sorry ... I lost control." Blaine stands up and takes his coat while Kurt also stands up. He seems to be dazed and Blaine feels so sorry for it, he takes a look at him one last time.

"I think, we shouldn't meet again." So he passes Kurt, puts his hand on the doorknob, drops his face and sighs with a relieved smile as he feels a cold petite hand on his own.


	6. Something changes

Slowly, Blaine turns around and looks into two bright beautiful eyes. He presses his forehead against Kurt's and closes his eyes while he inhales his smell, takes a breath and expresses his desire and devotion in one word.

"Kurt."

Kurt loosens the grip, walks to his bed and takes the notebook. Impatiently, Blaine watches Kurt and isn't sure what to do._** He hold me back and now?** _Blaine was mean to him ... well not mean, more inappropriate. Kurt holds out his book to him.

**Please, don't leave. I don't want to be alone tonight.**

Blaine sighs.

"... okay I stay here if it's your wish. And sorry again ... Do you have a mattress or -?"

**Don't have one, but I could sleep on the ground.**

"No, no ... I'll sleep on the ground."

Again he writes something while Blaine stares at him with a hungry feeling. _**Look up, look to me ... look in my eyes ...** _Every second in which Kurt doesn't look at him, it feels like it's wasted time.

**I'll do.**

Blaine smiles and nods. _**You won't.**_

* * *

They sit again on Kurt's bed and watch Moulin Rouge to the end. Blaine catches a sight of Kurt whose tears are rolling down his pale skin. He sits there, smiling. Eventually he wanted to ask, why he's smiling, but it is an intimate question and he doesn't want to offend him. Right after it, Kurt shows Blaine his Notebook.

**So tired.**

"Uhm, okay."

Kurt stands up and opens his wardrobe. He pulls out sweatpants and a shirt and throws them to Blaine.

"Seriously? Are you sure that you want to give me your stuff?" Smiling, Kurt nods his approval.

"I'm not as thin as you, don't know whether it fits." But after Kurt takes sweatpants and a sweater for himself and goes into his bathroom Blaine puts on Kurt's clothes and actually, they fit.

* * *

Blaine looks totally amazing in his clothes. Once a time this shirt was Kurt's favorite, but since he became thinner (his clothes are oversized) he is always cold and only wears fleecy sweaters. Then, Blaine looks up and catches Kurt at watching him. He laughs and faces Kurt.

"It fits, I'm surprised." Kurt marks something down.

**Wasn't always as thin as now ...** Blaine perks his eyebrows up, arms akimbo.

"Do you mean I'm fat? "

**Absolutely** – he writes.

Both laugh, while Kurt stops with it premature and his eyes become sad.

"Listen Kurt, laughing is not about to make a nerving sound ..." Kurt looks up, waiting to hear what Blaine has to say, maybe he could really cheer him up.

"It's about to smile and show your smile to the world. There's nothing more beautiful when a person laughs, not because of the sound ... It is said, one only shows the true self when one is crying ... or smiling. And when you laugh, your whole face lightens up and ... the world lightens up. Please don't be afraid to laugh. I never saw someone laugh in such a beautiful way as you do."

_Are you even real?_

Kurt averts his eyes from Blaine's - which seem to eat him up – and writes something.

**If it's okay for you, we could sleep in my bed. It's quite big and the ground isn't convenient at all.**

An aroused smile plays upon Blaine's lips as he nods his head.

* * *

_**I never slept in the same bed with a guy without having sex right before it. It's weird.**_

Blaine watches the contours of Kurt's back while the moonlight shines through the window. Kurt lies with his head to it, close to the edge of the bed, unable to move while he thinks about the person who is also in his bed.

It's absolutely silent, except of a sigh and the creak of the bed as Blaine turns around, on his back.

"I can't sleep."

_Seriously? Wanna talk to me now? NOW?_

"Kurt? Are you asleep?"

_Idiot! How should I answer?_

Annoyed, Kurt turns on his back and looks at him. The moon shines directly in Blaine's face, so Kurt can see his smile.

"Glad, you're still awake."

_Jerk._

"I like your clothes ... and thinking about that you wore it."

_Silly Jerk!_

Blaine lies on his left side and closes his eyes, he doesn't see anything else but the shadow of Kurt's face, anyway.

"Maybe I can fall asleep now, since you turned to me ... Your bed smells good ... like you."

_Silly loving Jerk ..._

* * *

For a moment Kurt thinks about what he should do if Blaine touched him again.

_Not strong enough to spurn him again. Not want to be touched. What am I to do?_

Luckily, he sees Blaine's shoulders moving in a calmly steady rhythm and hears him breathing.

He stares at this person who came for him immediately as he asked for help.

_Nobody ever made me feel as good as you do._

_Damn. It's happening. -_ he thinks as he realizes that something in his mind changes.

Kurt watches Blaine sleeping and wonders why he's smiling like this. He looks so peaceful and content like Kurt never saw a person before.

_You're right. Boys like me shouldn't invite boys like you to stay for the night ... How can I ever sleep alone again since I know how it feels to have you right next to me? How can I ever feel comfortable without you by my side? I can't believe that you're here, with me. You came into my dark, horrible life with a loud and painful bang ... you saved my life as I tried to end it ... you gave me a reason to feel happy again ... and if you ever leave I'd die because my heart - which is completely yours forever - would shatter into a thousand pieces._


	7. What happened

As Kurt awakes he feels so relaxed and pleased like never before. He thinks of the warmth around him and how happy he is. Totally surprised he realizes that he can't move. Suddenly he is entirely wake and feels warm legs around his and strong arms around his chest that hold him tight.

_Blaine._

Kurt tries to turn but Blaine's grip stays solid. He lets out a silently frustrated sigh as he realizes that he can't free himself.

_Why am I so weak?_

Time passes while he lies there and watches how the sun rises.

"Hmm..." Blaine's moan appears without warning and he tightens his grip around Kurt's lower body as he presses his loin against the resistance he feels, still in his dream ... in his wet dream about Kurt.

_Oh my ..._

Kurt feels Blaine's boner against his butt and decides that it's time to go. He collects all his strength and loosens Blaine's grip around his chest so he could squeeze through Blaine's legs and finally he finds himself on the ground, staring at the person in his bed and how he scans the mattress after something. Blaine finds the pillow and presses it against his chest while he smiles with pleasure and mumbles something.

"Mmmuuurt..."

Kurt becomes frightened and looks at him.

_Is he really dreaming about me?_

A curl hangs into Blaine's face and Kurt just has to remove it and his hand remains upon his head. Now he's sure. Kurt never saw something more beautiful than this face and he just want to put this person in chains so that he could stay with him forever. Kurt stands up, takes his notebook and begins to write. As he leaves the room he lays down the book next to Blaine's hand.

* * *

"Kurt?" The first thing that he realizes as he awakes is that Kurt isn't next to him. The second thing is the tensed feeling in his pants.

**_Oh god, not now._**

He lies there and tries to calm down, staring at the ceiling Blaine abides his time and feels how his woody slowly disappears. Eased, Blaine turns his head searching for Kurt but he isn't in the room.

"Kurt? You in the bathroom? Knock against something!" But it stays completely silent and as he sits up he catches a sight of Kurt's notebook which lies on the mattress. At the top there's a slip which says-

**Fetching bread buns. You can read something about my life if you want to ... I wrote it down what happened - for you.**

Excitedly he opens the book and starts to read.

* * *

_Hey you. Do you know that I needed 10 minutes to get out of your arms? You embraced me like a teddy bear in your sleep ..._

Blaine blushes as he reads this.

_**Okay ... okay ... not okay ... Did he noticed my boner? Did he? Oh god.**_

_This with my cheek ... it was my dad. It was the second time he ever struck me. Really, he is a great person! Yesterday I was kind of ... exaggerated frightened. The last time he hit me was because I played in the forest the whole day and he didn't know where I was._

**_You're dad is a saint, of course! He had to punch you. I totally agree._**

_I'm a person who overact all the time so well sorry that it seemed to you that my dad is a monster. He's an angel ..._

**_Okay, that's creepy Kurt, creepy!_**

_You sure didn't think that I'm inapparent all along. I'd do sign language and so on, congratulations – you're right. I'm a mute doll just for 6 months. I was a normal boy before that. Well, a Gay – Musical – Singer – Normal, but I could speak._

**_Singer? Poor boy ..._**

* * *

_First of all my mum died 6 years ago. My dad and I – we were a strong team and went through all the stuff together. You should've saw how he acted as I told him that I'm gay. I don't know your dad, but I'm sure my dad is the best._

**_Sure better than mine ..._**

_A half year ago I became ill. I always felt a pressure in my throat and my voice was hoarse the whole day. Briefly speaking I had laryngeal cancer and yes I smoked like a chimney. But since I had the operation and they removed my larynx I never smoked one cigarette! I know what you're thinking: too late – you're right._

Blaine laughs and lies down again captured by the story.

_Normally old man between 50 and 70 get this kind of cancer, I guess I'm an unlucky person. I really loved to sing._

Blaine's eyes widen.

**_I also love to sing._**

_I wanted to be a singer._

**_I want to be a singer, too._**

_I'm never going to do the things I dreamed of since I was a little boy ... and you throw me on the ground and said 'it won't be that bad'. Believe me. It's horrible and I hated you. I never say 'thank you' for what you did, because I'm really pissed off, I wanted to die ..._

**_You wanted, but you don't want to any longer._**

* * *

_The weirdest thing is, that although I don't know much about you (rather nothing) I wanted you to stay for the night. I wanted you to ask me for a date. I wanted you to run after me. I can't explain why._

**_Oh god, _****_Kurt ..._**

_You looked kinda cute this morning as you smiled during your wet dream._

**_NO! He noticed my boner ... Awesome. He thinks that I'm a horny asshole ... and he's right._**

_Do you want to tell me what you dreamt about sometime?_

_Kurt_

_PS – I hoped you'd choose Moulin Rouge_

* * *

**_God Kurt, you're cute, absolutely cute._** Blaine smiles and presses the book against his heart, closing his eyes. Suddenly Kurt opens the door and catches a sight of this strange situation, amused grinning. He stands in the door frame but Blaine doesn't realize it. Kurt knocks at the wall and Blaine jerks as he hears the sudden noise.

"Kurt?!" Blaine feels again like he's in an awkward situation and puts the book down.

"I know it seems like I was hugging the book, and I have no clue how I could convince you that it wasn't like that ..."

Kurt smiles and waves at Blaine, symbolizing that he should follow him.


	8. Stubborn and yielding

/ * It's a small chapter, but the next one will be bigger ... promise :3 * /

* * *

They walk downstairs, Blaine really sheepish and confused. Kurt walks ahead without turning around once. As they arrive in the kitchen Blaine doesn't believe his eyes as he catches a sight of a well-laid breakfast table.

"Kurt, when did you even do this?" Kurt chuckles and scribbles something on a paper which lies on the table.

**While you were hugging the book!**

_**Damn you**_ – Blaine thinks, smiles and feels the urge to kiss him immediately, but he holds back. He stares at the table and feels suddenly really hungry. There are buns, bread, cheese, sausage and orange juice.

"Orange juice!" Blaine screams and sits down.

"Take a seat Kurt, make yourself at home." As Blaine sits down he realizes that there's just one plate.

"Is this just for you and I may watch you while you eat or -?" He feels how Kurt slightly hits his arm.

**DORK** – Kurt wrote down, shows the note to Blaine and adds -

**It's for you, I'm not hungry.**

Kurt also sits down, looking more pale as usually. Then he holds out his paper once again.

**Want some tea? Coffee? Something else?**

_**You? Now? Here?**_

"No thank you." Blaine stares down at the food.

_**Fooood ...**_

"I don't want to eat, if you don't eat something too. You look pale and you have to eat! Eating is a basic need ... and breakfast is very important ... You know you have to grow big and strong." Blaine smiles while he's looking at Kurt's amused face.

"C'mon. Eat something."

**Don't want to, but you can eat nevertheless.**

"I can't!" Blaine is in 'stubborn person mode' - like Kurt - and leans back, arms crossed. It's silent in the room as suddenly a noise appears. First Kurt isn't sure what it is, then it happens again – it comes from Blaine. He looks at him while Blaine holds his stomach, labial angles pulled down.

_Stomach growling ..._

Conciliatory, Kurt shoves the bag of rolls to him. Annoyed, Blaine shoves it back to Kurt.

_**Screw you! **_

_Childish fool!_

They stare at each other while Burt enters the room.

"Good Morning, Blaine." Blaine looks up, really confused.

_**He knows my name.**_

"Oh uhmm, Morning, Mr. Hummel." Burt walks to Kurt.

"Did you get my stuff?" Kurt points at a bag which lies on the kitchen counter.

"Thanks." Burt pats Kurt's shoulder – Blaine sees this and wants to push him away from Kurt.

_**Don't touch him you bastard!**_

Burt takes the bag and wants to leave the room, as he stands in the door frame and turns around.

"Could you guys please put you dirty dishes into the automatic dishwasher, when your ready? Thanks."

* * *

Kurt recognizes Blaine's angry and nervous mood. He nods at him with an asking face.

_What's wrong?_

"What was this? I thought, you were frightened of him ..." Kurt sighs toneless.

**Had a talk this morning.**

"A talk?" Blaine's voice was louder than he wanted it to be and Kurt stares at him terrified. He tries to calm down, but he can't.

"Do you mean you forgave him so easily?" The pale boy is really surprised of what he heard and begins to be pissed off.

**None of your business.**

"But yesterday evening it was my business?"

Kurt watches how Blaine jumps up and walks back and forth, like a wild animal in its cage. Blaine turns away, taking deep breaths.

_**Don't screw it up, you jerk!**_

"I go crazy when I think about that someone hurt you." Kurt hears how wobbly Blaine's voice is and feels sorry right in that moment. Blaine turns around again and looks to Kurt, teary-eyed. Kurt gapes, drops his gaze to the table, takes a piece of cheese and starts to nibbling.

_Get a move on, I do this only for you!_ Kurt points eagerly at the table while Blaine obeys and sits down.

Finally Blaine starts to eat and looks to Kurt who is still nibbling on his cheese.

"Thank you for the breakfast and all ..." Kurt nods without looking at him.

"Your cheek is detumesced a bit ..."Again he nods.

"Okay I'm sorry. Here you are. I know that I'm spirited ... And you don't have to eat if you don't want to."

Abruptly Kurt lies down his cheese and stands up, fetches two glasses, fills them with water and downs a drink in one swig. He gives the other drink to Blaine.

"Thank you." Kurt sits down and slowly shakes his head.

"What?"

**I hate to give in.**

Blaine smiles and thinks about how cute it was that Kurt ate something, before Blaine had to die hungry.

"Me too."

* * *

"Hey Kurt, are you out of patience with me already or do you think you could spend the afternoon on the beach?" Kurt looks on the ground.

**It's not warm enough to swim and I'm not allowed to. I could drown very fast because of the aperture in my throat where my larynx was.**

"Oh okay ..."

_**I didn't know that ...**_

" ... but we could just sit there ... in the sand and watch how the clouds drift by. I love beaches."

**Me too.**

"Is that a yes?" Kurt sighs and nods while Blaine looks like the Cheshire Cat.

"Fine."


	9. On the beach

While they're sitting in Blaine's car, driving along the road suddenly the radio plays 'Last friday night'.

_**Damn.**_

It's one of Blaine's favorite songs and he never could not sing along but he remembers that Kurt wanted to be a singer ever since he was a child.

_**Is it ok if I'd sing? Would he feel okay?**_

Blaine taps his thumbs on the steering wheel in time to the music. Kurt looks at him.

**You may sing along if you want to ...**

"Kurt, take your notebook away!" Quickly he pulls it away from Blaine to not disturb him while he's driving. Blaine sighs.

"Thank you, but I ...

_**Stay strong, Anderson!**_

"... I can't sing at all."

So they sit in the car, mutely and Blaine is really relieved as he sees the beach.

"Look Kurt, we're there!"

* * *

Actually it's a great day to be on the beach. It's not too cold and not too warm. Blaine is wearing his outfit which he wore yesterday and Kurt is shrouded in a scarf and a jacket. It's end of August and it were warm if the wind wouldn't blow that hard.

"Here?" Kurt nods and they put their bath towels down. There are only twenty people or so within sight.

Blaine sighs with pleasure and lies on his back, closes his eyes and let the sun shine upon his face. Kurt looks at him.

_It's 2 p.m. We're almost 24 hours side by side and I'm not tired of his presence ... on the contrary._

Suddenly Blaine opens his eyes and looks at Kurt. Now he's the one who feels caught in the act.

"What are you staring it?" - Blaine laughs and Kurt just shakes his head eagerly, blushing.

_**Do you like what you see?**_

"Come here. Lie down to me!"Kurt lies down and finds himself too close to Blaine. They look at each other just a few inches away.

_My heart._

Kurt jumps up and puts the towel away.

"What do you think you're doing?" Kurt just smiles at him and lies down and closes his eyes, almost two meters away from Blaine.

_**I won't let you get away with that!**_

Blaine stands up as noiselessly as possible, puts his towel closer to Kurt and lies down. Indeed Kurt didn't notice that and becomes frightened as he turns his head, opens his eyes and looks directly into Blaine's brown eyes.

"Hey, Here I am!" Kurt shakes his head, but smiles while he does, as if he'd be happy about the closeness. In fact he doesn't pull his towel away again. Blaine had expected, that he'd do so.

_**Cute.**_

* * *

"Kurt, I didn't get why you're not allowed to swim."

**Me neither.**

Both laugh and Blaine watches Kurt stressed. As Kurt's smile vanished, his face seems to be happy in a weird way.

_**He isn't sad.**_

It's the first time, that Kurt isn't sad after laughing since Blaine knew him. In reality it was the first time Kurt didn't felt sad after laughing ever since he had the operation.

He writes something down.

**Look at my neck.**

Blaine looks up.

**This aperture is called Tracheostoma, I breathe through this. That's why I can't smell anymore.**

Blaine watches the aperture with that weird cannula in it. Of course he recognized it before, but he didn't say anything.

_**It's pretty small anyway ...**_

**I have to be at places where I the air is clean ... When I want to shower I have to be careful that no water comes through this damn hole in my throat.**

Kurt lies back and closes his eyes.

_I've done so! He knows it._

"This ... Trachooaama thing ... does it hurt?" Blaine bends over to Kurt, really interested in everything he needs to know to make him feel comfortable.

**Sometimes, but usually not.** - Kurt writes down. Blaine nods although he isn't sure about anything.

"So everything is pretty dangerous for you." He nods irritated.

_Yeah, you got that I'm a hopeless case._

"It looks like I should take care of you." Blaine smiles at Kurt, really amused by the thought, but Kurt gives him an annoyed look and turns on his left side, his back to Blaine.

_Thanks. I know that I can't even take care of myself._

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean it like that."

* * *

Blaine lies down again, feeling awful that Kurt is angry with him.

"I'm glad you told me that kind of things."

_I don't know why I did so. That was stupid._

"Why don't you go to school?"

_Don't overstep the mark._

"I mean, of course, it has to be horrible ..." Blaine stares at Kurt's back.

"Have you been there since this happened?" Kurt turns to Blaine, looking so pissed off like Blaine saw him just one time and that was as they hat their fight on the bridge. Eagerly, he writes something down, jumps up, takes his towel and goes.

"Kurt!"

Blaine wanted to run after him but first he had to read the message.

**I've been there! You don't know jack!**

"Kurt! Stay here! Kurt!" He caught up to him, don't care about his things which are a few meters away in the sand.

"Hey!" He takes his arm and pulls Kurt to him, surprised that he doesn't fight back at all. He turns himself towards Kurt.

"It's important that you go to school. You need a good graduation for your future." Kurt has teary eyes and stares on the ground.

_Don't have a future anyway ..._

"That's not true."

Kurt looks up.

"You have a future."

_Why do you do this? Why do you always do these things to me? How could you know what I was thinking about?_

"Maybe it's not your Musical singer or Pop singer future, but god gives every person at least two talents, in case that something like that happens. And I promise, we'll find your second talent. I will help you in every way you let me."

_What?_

Softly he takes Kurt's hands in his.

"Things will fall into place. We'll make them."

Baffled, Kurt pulls his hands away and stares on the ground again.

"Why don't you just try to go to school again? Maybe things changed during the time you weren't there."

_Don't believe so._

"You're a junior, aren't you? Well, I'm a senior. If anything happens, I'm just a few classrooms away. Try it!"

Kurt nods.

"Really? You gonna try it?" Kurt nods sadly.

"That's great. You know what? I'm gonna pick you up. Yeah. What do you think about 7:30 a.m.?"

Kurt nods again and feels so empty and awful that he wanted to jump into the ocean.

_... Why not?_

"Hey, let's lie down again, c'mon!" Blaine pulls Kurt after him, they arrive the place where they've been as suddenly Blaine's phone rings.

* * *

"What do you want? ... On the beach ... at a friend's. No. No. NOO! I'm busy ... No ... I fail to see why I have to go grocery shopping, I did it the last three weeks. Why don't you ask Cooper? ... or Alice? She's old enough! Muuuuum! No ..." Suddenly Kurt holds out his notebook.

**Listen to your mum!**

But Blaine just shakes his head defiantly.

"No Mum, I'm sick of doing all that stuff!"

_It escalates._

**Can we go? I feel like I can't breath.**

"Really?" Blaine is alarmed and talks to Kurt who nods his head eagerly.

"Okay Mum, I'm on the way."

He ends the call and turns to Kurt.

"Let's go. Does it hurt? What can I-" Then he sees Kurt's smile and that it was a maneuver to make Blaine listen to his mum.

"You asshole! Do you think that's funny? You're horrible!"

Blaine takes their stuff and walks to his car.

"Come after me when you're normal again!"

* * *

_I screwed it up. I totally screwed it up._

When Kurt opens the passenger door five minutes later, Blaine sits there, his head on the steering wheel, sobbing.

_Blaine?_

Kurt enters and wants to ask him what's wrong. He writes something down and holds his book to him, but he doesn't raise his head.

_Blaine!_

Hesitantly, he puts his hand on Blaine's back and starts to stroke the muscular flesh. Suddenly Blaine grips the hand, pulls Kurt's arm to his stomach where he hugs it with his arms.

_What the hell?_

Blaine cries relentlessly and loudly but he doesn't loose his dignity. He looks amazing and strong, in spite of everything.

_I'm sorry Blaine._

"I'm sorry Kurt."

_WHAT?_

Kurt stares at him.

"I'm so sorry."

_You don't have to. I'm sorry. I'm the one who's the dork._

"You're not horrible."

_I am._

Then Blane raises his head and releases Kurt's hand. He looks at Kurt with a sad really confused gaze while Kurt gets the urge to hug him. To hug his sorrows away.

Blaine takes a breath and starts the car.

* * *

Kurt sits nervously on his seat, not knowing what is going on.

_Blaine cried ... I never thought that strong men like him cry._

He stares at the one whose curls are an absolutely mess, a hot mess. Kurt didn't had hair gel at home and Blaine couldn't use gel this morning. That's why he looks a bit different, and now after he cried he seems just more ... stunning.

Kurt has to force himself to look on the street and not at Blaine.

* * *

Suddenly the car stops and they stand in front of Kurt's house.

**I'm sorry, Blaine.**

Kurt shows him his note again, and this time he reads it and has to smile.

"Let's forget the incident." Kurt nods happily, opens the door and leaves.

"Kurt? 7:30 Monday morning?" He turns around, smiling and nods his head. Blaine smiles back and drives home.

* * *

As he opens the door at home, he hears someone screaming.

"He's back, Mum!" Alice runs towards her older brother who hugs her gentle.

"Hey, Angel, what's up?" The 12 year old raises herself on tiptoes and whispers into Blaine's ear.

"Mum and Dad are furious because you didn't say where you've been all the night." Blaine takes a breath, raises his had and sees his Mum who stands in door frame to the living room.

"Why don't you go upstairs a little bit?" He says to his sister who runs upstairs.

"Hey Mum." Blaine walks to her at a rattling pace.

"Your father wants to talk to you." He follows his mother into the living room in which his father sits, drinking beer, like always.

"Where have you been?"

"I alread-"

"Speak up!" Blaine jerks.

"I already told Mum -"

"I asked were you've been!" His dad doesn't even look at him, he stares out of the window, screaming, with the bottle on his lips. Blaine glares to his mother. How often did he search shelter at her? How often did he ricochet?

"I was in the cinema and stayed at a friend over night."

"Who is that friend?" Blaine is sick of this endless interrogations.

"Was it a male or a female friend?" He gasps for air, slightly shivering.

"A male ..." Blaine stares at the ground and is ashamed although he hasn't a reason to.

"So you brought disgrace on our family again. I'm disappointed ... I already thought that there is nothing more you can make me feel like this, but you made it. You made it once again. Congratulations ... You may go."

Blaine turns around, with tearful eyes and wants to leave like he ever leave the room after his father treated him like he'd be the personally devil. But he has to think about Kurt and how brave he is – going to school again, although it hurts to – that's the moment Blaine makes the decision to never again permit that someone treat him like trash, just because the way he chose to love. In a rage Blaine turns around and walks back to his dad.


	10. Sunday without Blaine

/ * This is a really special chapter and I hope you'll like it. Keep in mind that the second genre isn't 'Drama' without a reason * /

* * *

_It's weird._

Kurt can't think of something or someone else then

_Blaine ..._

As he woke up this morning, he first checked his mobile in hope that Blaine already texted him, but he didn't. He stares out of the window, it's almost midday but it's a dark, cold day.

"Kurt?" Burt knocks and enters the room, worried about his son.

"Is everything okay? You don't sleep that long usually ..."

Slowly, he turns his head to his dad and looks at him, without any reaction.

"You went directly into your room yesterday ..."

Kurt turns his head away, again, scanning the cloudy sky while he feels how his dad is sitting down on his bed.

"Did something happen with that Blaine guy?"

_Precisely not._

"Kurt," Burt whispers comforting to his son, patting his arm.

_Leave me alone._

"You still angry with me?"

Kurt sighs irritated, grips his notebook, writes his message and shows it to his dad.

**Already dealt with that yesterday. Forgiven.**

"Then, what is it?"

His son averts his gaze and looks really depressed.

"In that night ... you meant that he didn't touch you, did he?"

_So many clouds ... it's so dark, dark and cold._

"Kurt?"

Kurt could swear that someone just called his name, but this person has to be far away and beyond reach.

"How can I help you, when you don't let me know what bothers you?"

Burt is close to tears, strokes Kurt's arm, feeling the coldness of his body and the distance which surrounds them. Eventually, he stands up und leaves Kurt alone with his depressions.

* * *

_He didn't say, that he'll text me. We know each other just for two days. We kissed. Kissing means nothing, nowadays ... He read my story. He saw my tracheostoma. That's it. He's disgusted of me. How could he not? Who could not?_

Suddenly it's there again, this feeling. Kurt closes his eyes and sighs, curious relieved that he has this need again. He already thought that this decision he made that day, was false and rashly, but now he knows why he wanted it like that. The last days with Blaine made him forget what was in his mind for so long. But -

_Blaine is gone. He won't come back... Mum is also gone. My voice is gone. My life is gone._

* * *

Kurt feels this dark pressing on his heart, lays his fingers down on his neck, pressing his nails into his skin and scratches himself. Faster and harder, suddenly his whole body bites, constricted by the weight of all his sorrows. He uses his other hand and scratches his stomach as his eyes widen and he remembers the treasure which he hides in the bathroom. He stands up, being in a trance of awkward relief and enters the small bathroom in his bedroom. Slowly, Kurt opens a drawer and catches a sight of a razor blade which gleams in the light of the ceiling lamp. After he took off his shirt, he stays in front of the mirror and watches his scarred stomach.

_Dead. I'm dead. Just dead._

Prepared, he takes the blade into his right hand and let the metal cut his flesh. At pains, he clenches his hand, stares down and sees how blood drops out of his skin. The first cut is done and he feels the relief as the pain ends, shivering. He cuts himself a few times more, feeling really good after it and walks down to his dad who is sitting in the living room.

* * *

**Going to school, tomorrow, again.**

"You're kidding!"

Kurt shakes his head and watches how his dad jumps up.

"But why now?"

The pain comes back and Kurt scratches his stomach as unobtrusively as possible while the scars start to ache again. He writes his message down.

**Blaine told that I should try it ... but maybe not.**

Burt stares at him, wondering and puts his hand on his shoulder.

"That's a great idea!"

But Kurt shakes his head eagerly and scribbles down-

**Not going.**

"No Kurt, listen. I'll call your teacher and say that'll you come back tomorrow. That's really wonderful."

Kurt sits down, looking sad while Burt also sits down, next to him.

"You know what, when you're strong enough to go to school, I'll stop tippling, right now!"

Scared, Kurt raises his head and stares at that strange person.

"Come," he says and takes his son into the kitchen, holding a half-empty beer.

"Watch!"

And he slowly pours out the alcohol while he looks to Kurt who is really impressed.

"Now, that you came to your senses, we can have dinner together."

But Kurt isn't amused, shakes his head and walks upstairs again.

* * *

One quick look at his mobile – _nothing._ Kurt lies on his back, touching his stomach.

_Try it, Hummel. Go to school. Do it for your dad!_

But Kurt can't cheer himself up and starts to cry.

_I can't stand it any longer._

Kurt feels empty and filled with a heavy darkness at the same time.

_The pain, I need the pain to stop._

So he uses his finger nails and works on his stomach, feeling overwhelmed by the physical pain, so that he forget the psychic one. He loves that point, when the sorrows are away and only the pain is there. The true pain, no other things. Just pain. And he loves how the pain vanishes and he hates how the sorrows come back again.

* * *

_Sunday. _

_Sunday without Blaine._

Kurt stares out of the window and watches how the moon gets covered by gloomy thunderclouds.

_It's been a cold day._


	11. Fears, longings and a conversation

|* Hi again my dears, I'm sorry that I didn't upload my story for over a week ... so sorry ... I was ill and busy with my school stuff - anyway I hope you didn't forget the story and are still interested in! :O XX aida *|

* * *

At the same time his alarm clock goes off, he feels a stitch in his stomach, having designs of staying in bed, scratching himself a bit and sink into depression.

"Kurt? Get up!"

Burt opens the door and looks down to his son, who stares back unimpressed.

"Come on. I thought we had a deal."

_He stops imbibing and I go to school._

Kurt holds his stomach and closes his eyes.

"Hey," Burt says comforting and sits down.

"You don't have to do this. In fact I wasn't happy about it as you told it to me ... or wrote it."

Slowly, Kurt opens his blue eyes, pretending that he's strong enough. He straightens up and takes his notebook.

**I'm going.**

Burt reads the message and sighs with worries.

"Yesterday I called your teacher. She meant, that these boys aren't there any longer and that she's okay with you coming back. She looks forward to it ... well, she said she does."

Kurt nods and wishes that his father's right. He feels a warm hand on his shoulder but can't make himself look up, not wanting that his dad sees his tears.

"I know that you can make it. And if something happens, no matter what, you can text me and I'm directly there and bring you home! Is that okay?"

He sees how his son nods but feels the tenseness of his shoulder.

"And now get up! It's indeed just 7 a.m. and school starts at 8, but this Blaine guy waits there in his car for 10 minutes now."

_What?_

* * *

Kurt jumps up and runs to the window, staring at Blaine's car which stands in front of the house. Something in his heart breaks, feeling happy that he's there, but hating himself for feeling like that keeping in mind that Blaine didn't text him yesterday. His gaze becomes sad and cold. Burt watches him and feels offended that Kurt only stood up as he knew that Blaine was there.

"So, hurry up, don't leave him waiting."

Burt leaves the room and Kurt dresses himself.

* * *

_Why is he here? And so early ... We said 7:30, not 7 ..._

Suddenly his stomach hurts again and Kurt walks to the window.

_Compassion ..._

_That's what it is. Of course ..._

* * *

Blaine knows that he's too early, but it was his intention. He thought, that Kurt might be a bit pissed off after Blaine didn't text him the whole Sunday and that he probably try to leave the house earlier so that he doesn't have to meet Blaine. In fact Kurt thought about taking the bus and forgetting Blaine, but now since he's here, waiting for him ... Kurt can't just pass by. So he walks out of the door, 7:15 a.m. goes to Blaine's car, opens the passenger door and sits down.

* * *

Both are silent – Kurt scans Blaine's face which stares straight ahead and looks empty, then he drops his gaze. There are so many questions in his head.

_Why didn't you text me?_

_Why are you even here, when you're not interested?_

_... when you think that I'm loathsome?_

* * *

"You have no reason to be insulted."

Kurt looks up, Blaine's eyes still stay on the road. His voice sounds wobbly, but forceful and the fact that he said this just makes Kurt very pissed off.

"I didn't say that I'll text you ... or so," Blaine almost screamed the words out of his soul.

_Of course you didn't ..._

"It's not like I'd be committed to you in any way ..."

_Okay._

Blaine is right, but the kind how he said it makes Kurt really sad, although he already given up any hope – or at least he tried to persuade himself of it. Quickly, he opens the door and takes one feet out of the car as a strong hand holds him back.

"Please don't go, I'm sorry."

Kurt simply gives him an angry look.

_Today I don't want to take part in your unpredictably mood changes._

"I'm really sorry ..."

Blaine's voice looses its power and breaks. His mouth corners quivers and he looks like he'd cry here and now.

_NO! Hummel! NOOO! Leave the car! Leave him! Let him cry alone ..._

Kurt knows that he had to leave - to stay a strong and independent person. If he saw Blaine crying once again ... He'd loose his mind and all his regrets.

Somehow the door closes again while Kurt still sits on the passenger seat.

_Damn._

* * *

"Kurt," Blaine sighs, blinks back his tears and grabs Kurt's knee.

_Why are you doing this? Today you want to touch me? And tomorrow? What about tomorrow?_

"I really wanted to text you."

_Sure. Poor you._

"I had kind of ... contention with my parents."

_Yeah, why not? Great excuse._

Blaine recognizes that Kurt doesn't believe him, so he turns his head to Kurt and shows him his left side for the first time this day. Blaine's lips are bursted next to his left mouth corner where Kurt also sees a bruise. Quickly, Blaine turns his head away again, not looking at the other guy in his car.

Kurt stares at him, confused and sorrowful.

_What happened?_

* * *

"You have to know ... my parents are not as broad-minded as one should be ... Okay, trying to keep it short ... uhm -"

Blaine breaths in, takes his hand away from Kurt's knee and rubs his hands full of nervousness. Suddenly Blaine seems so fragile and agonized that Kurt just want to hug him as firmly as he can. Softly, he lays his hand on Blaine's upper arm. This one turns his gaze to him, immediately. Something in his eyes are strange and Kurt doesn't know why Blaine furls his brows and looks that kind of thoughtful as he stares into this blue eyes.

_Shall I pull my hand away?_

But before Kurt even think it through to the end, Blaine takes his hand and encompasses it with his hands, staring down to them.

_It wasn't my intention -_

"Your hands are always cold," Blaine means, smiling in thoughts.

* * *

Kurt can't help, he likes it when Blaine holds his hands. He likes it when Blaine's with him. He likes Blaine.

"Well, they don't like that I'm gay. In fact, they hate me since they know it ... no," Blaine interrupts himself and laughs. "They hated me my whole life, but they let me feel it ever since."

He opens his hands and turns Kurt's hand in his, putting it down with the pale to the top. Then he scans the heart line with his fingertips.

_My god._

Kurt can't stop thinking about to touch him. Finally touch Blaine.

Blaine stares at Kurt's hand like he never saw a hand or fingers before.

_Creepy boy ... you may let me go... please let me go. My heart explodes._

* * *

"My older brother Cooper is the star in our family. I hate him. My little sister, Alice is the angel. She's wonderful. Anyhow I always was the unwanted problem child. Every time when I leave the house, they give me angry looks, thinking about that I fuck man, little childs or animals - or all of it – the whole day. They were angry because I didn't spend Friday night at home and didn't let they know where I was ... As I came home, my dad meant that he can frazzle me out, like ever. But I thought about you and how strong you are – going to school again. I said to him what I meant and he hit me. I deserved it."

* * *

Again Blaine laughs, while Kurt stares at him and can't stop feeling the way he does in this moment, as he listens to Blaine while this one is scanning his hand with his fingers affectionately.

"I called him ... bad things and well – they took my mobile away Saturday evening and I had to clean up the complete house the whole Sunday. I got punished like a five year old and I just got my phone back this morning and I thought texting you now is pointless, that's why I drove earlier to you – and because I thought that your angry with me."

Blaine puts his hand on Kurt's and seems to be satisfied with that hand porn he made for the last 2 minutes.

"Kurt, you have to believe me when I say," Blaine gives him a hangdog look, "I thought about you every minute we didn't spend together and I was worried and ... longing for you."

_Okay, too late. I'm lost._

Finally Blaine releases his hand, smiling.

"So, how was your Sunday?"

Kurt doesn't know what to answer. Does this mean Blaine doesn't think he's obnoxious? It seems like that, but he can't believe it.

**Normally** – he wrote down.

Blaine nods.

"You meant, you tried to go to school since the operation. Do you want to ... let me know what happened?"

Kurt stares at the clock in Blaine's car. It's almost 7:30 and they would have enough time, but it's hard to report it.

_Blaine confessed, you can do it too._

He takes his pen and writes something down. He needs a few minutes while Blaine is sitting nervously on his seat, staring at Kurt in wonder what's different about him. Then Kurt gives his notebook to him and Blaine starts to read.

* * *

**There were those boys who bullied me ever since they knew that I'm gay.**

_**I hate people.**_

**Then I had my operation and they took the opportunity at the first day I've been there again – they beat me up.**

_**Oh my god.**_

**I wasn't strong enough against three guys and I couldn't cry for help, not even when they finished and left me alone. I couldn't move full of pain and they found me just two hours later.**

Suddenly Blaine feels sorry, that he acted like he did as they were on the beach.

**I didn't leave the house ever since this incident. That's why dad was so worried about me as we went out and I was too late.**

* * *

Blaine looks up to Kurt.

"Okay Kurt, I'm sorry. You should stay at home."

_What?_

"I mean, that has nothing to do with courage and that kind of stuff ... you aren't save in school."

_You worried? ... cute ..._

Kurt takes his book again.

**Dad made that they had to leave the school. I am safe. I'm going. I already stood up! ;)**

Blaine has to smile about the smiley and nods.

"Okay, but keep in mind. When something happens, you can text me I'm directly there. I quit lessons, I'll do it."

Kurt has to smirk and Blaine feels how his blood boils as he stares at him and how every inch of his body swells particularly his -

_**Oh no!**_

Blaine has to blow the cobwebs away.

"By the way, your cheek looks better. One almost doesn't see how bad it looked like."

Blaine sighs.

"Do we wanna give it a try?"

Kurt nods his head and smiles at Blaine.

_**Why are you smiling? You have to be in mortal fear.**_

Blaine looks down.

_**No ... No ... Don't let you go.**_

_**What when something happens?**_

**Come on, or we'll be late! - **Kurt shows his note to him.

_**No.**_

Kurt doesn't know why Blaine seems to be so unhappy with Kurt going to school again. He was the one who made him do so.

Suddenly Blaine hears how Kurt claps his hands.

**Blaaaaine ... let's go!**

And Kurt has a mandatory look when he holds out his note.

"Okay, but have the courage to tell your teacher when something's wrong!"

Kurt nods and Blaine starts the car.


	12. Back at hell-school

|* I know, it's a big chapter, but I didn't want to split the story ... Hope you enjoy it. aida *|

* * *

His whole body aches as Kurt walks towards the school. Blaine takes a look at him.

"Shall I go to your classroom with you or-?"

Kurt just shakes his head and gives Blaine a really artificial smile. They pass the door, Blaine opens it, Kurt takes a deep breath and enters.

Maybe it's just his paranoia, but Kurt has the feeling that all people are staring at him. Both are walking along the corridor as suddenly a boy and a girl are walking towards them, waving at Blaine.

_What am I even doing here?_

Kurt realizes how creepy it has to look like that Blaine and Kurt came together to school. That's a thing which only neighbors or close friends do ... or a couple. So Kurt pats Blaine's arm to catch his attention. Blaine looks at him, Kurt smiles and leaves him even before the two others reach them.

"Kurt?"

"Hey, Blaine! HI! Who was this? Wasn't this the inapparent guy?"

Kurt hears how they ask Blaine stuff and he hurries up to don't have to listen to his answers.

* * *

As Kurt enters the classroom, everyone become silent and stare at him like he'd be something spectacular.

_Don't let on anything!_

Kurt walks to his chair in the last row, sits down and puts his bag on the table. He opens the bag and pretends like he's searching for something, wishing that the last three minutes to the lesson pass by fast.

Over time the students lose interest in Kurt and don't watch him anymore.

_Finally._

"Hey Kurt," a beautiful and familiar voice says. He looks up, in front of him stands Michelle. There was a time in which both were close friends, but after Kurt had his operation and lost his voice he became very irascible and didn't want to talk to anybody. Michelle tried to stay in contact with him, but he ignored her in every way possible and after a few months she gave up and didn't text or visit him anymore. Suddenly he feels sorry and as he looks up to her, he realizes how much he missed her.

* * *

"How are you?" She smiled at him and Kurt hikes his shoulders.

"Don't bother! He won't answer you! He can't."

Kurt doesn't have to turn his head to the left, he knows who this was.

"Shut up Tom!"

Tom is one of those guys who bullied Kurt. It was a group of four, but that day on which they knocked Kurt down, Tom was ill and consequently one didn't attest that he ever bullied Kurt so he was the only one who didn't flunk out of school.

"Fuck you, you whore and sit down! Lesson will start now."

Kurt stares on the ground trying to fight against the need to cut himself. Michelle gives Tom an angry look.

"Kurt, do you want me to talk to Mrs. Wyler that you get another seat?"

Kurt can't face Michelle. He has enough problems with blinking back his tears.

"You can't take my gay away from me! He hasn't been around for some time. We have to catch up on some stuff."

In rage, Michelle turns to Tom who is sitting next to Kurt on his left side.

"Tom, I'm warning you! Let him be!"

"Didn't I tell you to take your fat ass and sit down?"

Kurt's whole body bites and he scratches his wrist, still staring on the ground.

"Ms. Adams, what's wrong? Could you please sit down that I can start my lesson?"

Michelle stares at Kurt and thinks about what's better. Should she tell the teacher that Kurt needs another seat, far away from Tom? She would only arrange it so that, everybody gape at him again. But what when -

"Ms Adams!"

"Sorry."

Michelle walks away and sits down, two rows in front of Kurt.

* * *

"Okay, let's start ..."

Kurt continues with scratching himself, suddenly he looks down to his wrist and sees that he's bleeding.

_Shit._

He hides his hands under his table.

"Hey Kurt. Hey."

_Ignore him._

Tom bends over to him.

"You're so quiet today."

_Don't listen to him._

"Don't you want to turn to me?"

Tom doesn't whisper and Kurt's sure the row in front of them has to hear everything.

"What's wrong? Aren't you only mute but deaf too?"

Kurt turns his head to him with an angry gaze and Tom laughs.

_I hate you._

"Hey, Kurt do you want to tell me what happened?"

_Sure not._

* * *

Michelle turns around and stares at Kurt, worried. Thus, two rows in front of them can hear all.

"Yes, Ms Adams? What do you want?" Michelle raised her hand and begins to talk.

"It's been a while since Kurt was here the last time ..."

_For real Michelle? Is this really necessary?_

Kurt feels how everybody stares at him. It's like their eyes are eating him up, hurting him with their thoughts.

"Well?"

Mrs. Wyler is unimpressed and doesn't care at all.

"Couldn't we give him another seat?"

Mrs. Wyler stares at Tom. How often has Kurt's dad been here and told her that Tom is dangerous and has to leave the school? Blah Blah Blah ... she's teacher and not the police.

"Well, I guess Mr Hummel isn't a child anymore. He can defend himself. And now we go on."

* * *

She starts talking and most students turn to her again, away from Kurt. Tom smirks.

"So, how do you want to defend you?"

But Kurt turns his head away again and doesn't react at all, that's why Tom gets bored and has to come up with something new. He smiles in thoughts.

"I heard you get this kind of cancer when you're smoking too much ..."

Kurt grabs his bleeding wrist and squeezes it.

"I never saw you smoking ..."

_No Hummel, no. Ignore him._

"Maybe you became ill, because you sucked too many dicks!"

Kurt jumps up and wants to hit Tom, but he already waited for this moment and is the one who gives the first slap, throws Kurt on the ground and follows him, wanting to kick him.

"What is going on back there?"

But before Mrs. Wyler could finish her sentence, a few guys come and hold Tom back.

"Tom it's enough."

* * *

Kurt looks through the room. In fact most people still sit on their chairs.

_They would still sit there and watch if he killed me._

Michelle reaches out her hand to Kurt.

"Did he hurt you?"

He shakes his head, takes her hand and stands up. Actually, he isn't hurt at all ... at least his body.

"Could you two please sit finally down!"

Michelle looks at Tom, who already sits on his seat again.

"Mrs. Wyler, didn't you see what happened?"

"What I see is that we have to catch up to my lesson plan."

Michelle stands next to Kurt who seems to be detached.

"And what's with you all?" She looks at her class mates with anger.

"Do you think it's okay what Tom does?"

Without warning, Kurt runs out of the room.

"Seems our problem is solved. Ms. Adams, that's my last exhortation."

* * *

Kurt locks himself into a cabin in the school toilette. He let his tears flow out of his eyes unrestrainedly and sorrow-stricken. Then he hears how someone opens the door, pees into a urinal and washes his hands.

* * *

As Blaine washes his hands, he thinks about Kurt.

**_Hope you're okay._**

He turns to the door and wants to leave, but stands still. It was like he heard a sorrowful sigh. He turns to the cabins.

"Hello? Is someone there?"

* * *

Kurt realizes Blaine's voice and feels relieved in a weird way, knowing that he is there.

* * *

Blaine passes all cabins which are open and finds himself at the last one, which is locked.

"Hello? Is there -" Blaine stops and raises his brows.

" ... Kurt? Are you in there?"

* * *

Kurt's heart jumps up as Blaine calls his name.

_Blaine._

* * *

"Kurt? Okay, let's play a game. One knock – yes, two knocks – no ... You're Kurt."

He hears how someone knocks against the door.

"God, Kurt, what happened?"

_Silly._

"Oh sorry, uhm ... you're crying?"

Kurt wipes away his tears and doesn't want to let him know that he's crying. He already thinks that he's week Blaine doesn't have to think of him like that, too.

"Kurt! Come on. Don't lie to me!"

Blaine leans against the wall.

"Kurt, please."

One knock.

"Let me in!"

Two knocks.

"Please!"

Two knocks.

Blaine smiles.

**_Stubborn person._**

"Okay ... they were cruel to you."

Kurt knocks.

"They said mean things."

One knock.

"... and also hit you?"

Again one knock.

"Oh my god," Blaine screams, "Kurt, that's horrible. And your teacher? Did he or she saw it? I mean ... the teacher saw it?"

Kurt's eyes doesn't want to stop crying, he knocks again.

"Which teacher? Mr. Cort?"

Two knocks.

"Mr Bail?"

Two knocks.

Blaine closes his eyes and thinks about what teachers the juniors have.

"Mrs. Wyler?"

One knock.

"Oh my god, really? I hate her. Stupid bitch. Didn't she say anything?"

_What kind of question is this?_

"She said something?"

One knock.

"But ... it wasn't to defend you?"

Kurt knocks again while he hears how Blaine is taking a deep breath.

* * *

"Okay, listen to me. I'll go to the principal and say that you're going home. I'll take your stuff and bring you home, okay? Just wait here!"

_What? NO! Blaine?"_

But he's already gone.

* * *

"It can't be that a guy goes to school again after a half year and gets bullied by students and teachers the first day!"

"What?"

The principal looks confused at Blaine who just ran into his office and started to scream.

"Kurt Hummel came to school again. And his teacher Mrs. Wyler was mean to him, along with a few students ... I don't know which ones, but I'll find out."

"Anderson, you can't just blame a teacher for something I never heard about. I don't have a complaint or something."

"Of course not, it just happened."

"And how do you know it? I thought this guy is mute?"

Blaine stares at the principal with disbelieve.

**_He doesn't understand..._**

"Okay, Kurt will leave the school now and he won't come back until this teacher and these students are gone."

Blaine turns around and leaves, he hears how the old man stands up and screams after him, but he don't care.

* * *

He enters his classroom and walks to his seat.

"Mr. Anderson, as I told you that you may go to the toilette, I didn't mean that you can stay there for 30 minutes."

"I'm sorry, Mr. Jones," Blaine starts to pack up his stuff.

"I need to go home."

"You know the only reasons which allow students to go home are illness or a familiar emergency. You don't look ill at all."

"Yeah, it's a familiar emergency."

Blaine waves at his friends and leaves the room.

* * *

He knocks at the door and Mrs. Wyler's voice says that he may enter. Blaine opens and stays in the door frame.

"Hello, I just wanted to say that Kurt doesn't feel well. He goes home."

He looks around in the room and catches a sight of the only empty table with a bag on it and walks towards it.

"If Mr. Hummel doesn't feel well, he can excuse himself."

Blaine can't believe his ears.

**_What a horrible teacher._**

"But Mrs Wyler, we have to be lenient with him. I mean, how could he excuse himself? I heard that he didn't talk that much in the past time."

Angrily, Blaine stares at the boy who said this, and suddenly, he knows that he is the one who was mean to Kurt. Without even thinking about it, he punches him in his face as hard as he can.

"Ahhh ... I'm bleeding!"

The students stare at Blaine and Tom in disbelieve while Blaine bends over to Tom.

"Leave Kurt alone!"

He turns and walks to the door, while the teacher watches him with an open mouth.

"I can't believe what is going on. You go to the principal immediately!"

"Screw you!"

* * *

"Kurt? Come on. Let's get out of here."

As Kurt opens the cabin, his eyes are still swollen and red. He stares at Blaine, who carries two bags.

"I told the principal and your horrible teacher that you go home."

_Thank you ... thank you so much._

Kurt scans Blaine, he seems to be exhausted. Surprised he raises his brows as he catches a sight of Blaine's right hand which is bloody. Gently, Kurt takes his hand and stares down on it.

"No need to worry. It's not my blood."

Kurt looks up, while Blaine laughs and grabs Kurt's hand which held his own up to now.

"Come."

And he pulls Kurt after him, running along the corridor. Kurt looks at their hands.

_We're holding hands._

Really, he should pull his hand away.

_Feels so warm, so good ..._

He has to pull his hand away.

But he can't.

He let himself be drawn by Blaine and stares at his back and his ass and feels the urge to touch him.

_Shit._

Suddenly, he has to think about how they kissed in Blaine's car - he never felt so close to anybody before. As if Blaine felt Kurt's thoughts, he presses his hand a bit harder while Kurt's heart is racing.

They reach the door and leave the school, silently. Blaine releases his hand just because they arrive at his car and he helps Kurt to get in.


	13. Let me be your boyfriend

|* Hi again, Yeah I know, you don't get one word for more than a week and now you get two chapters a day ... I'm sorry. But I think we can be happy with this chapter ... one step closer ... X aida *|

* * *

Blaine stops the car and looks to Kurt, insecure what happens next.

_**I'd like to go inside with you.**_

Kurt also looks at Blaine and this one is suddenly frightened, that he could read his thoughts in his gaze. Kurt drops his head, opens his bag and pulls out his notebook.

**Wanna go inside with me?**

_**Oh god, please yes.**_

Blaine nods, breathless.

* * *

**Drink something?**

"No, thank you."

Kurt walks up to his room and Blaine follows him. Actually, Kurt doesn't know what to do with Blaine now. He wanted to have him next to him, after that horrible trip in school ... but now?

_What to do now?_

Hesitantly, Kurt opens the door to his bedroom, takes off his jacket and his shoes. He wags with his hands to show Blaine that he should do the same.

* * *

Kurt sits down on his bed and scans his room.

_Why don't I have on single chair in here?_

Blaine also sits down on his bed, next to Kurt, feeling the tenseness in his whole body.

**Thanks for saving my life again** – Kurt writes down and Blaine reads it.

_**This can't be.**_

_**Again?!**_

_**What does he mean with again?**_

_**He said, he'd never say 'thank you' for what I did on that bridge.**_

* * *

Kurt stares at Blaine.

_Why does he look so confused?_

He takes his note and reads it by himself.

_Again? Did I write that?_

Kurt didn't realize what he wrote. It just happened, without that he even noticed it. He didn't want to write that.

_Sure not._

* * *

"Kurt," Blaine's voice sounds wobbly again.

_Don't call my name like this._

_Please._

Blaine looks into this beautiful blue eyes.

"It's been so brave of you. Brave. You are a really brave guy, Kurt. Don't let anybody ever make you feel like you aren't."

Kurt turns his face away, trying to hide his blush, but it's too late, Blaine already noticed it.

"Show me your face!"

He grabs Kurt's chin and pulls his face, which is totally surprised and blushed, to him.

"Kurt."

_No._

_Not again._

_Please._

Blaine's face comes closer to him and Kurt really wants to kiss him, but actually he feels irritated and depressed in this moment – it wouldn't feel right. So Kurt puts his hand on Blaine's mouth, like he did as they were in the car.

Blaine laughs.

"Do you want me to kiss your fingers again, like in the car?"

Sometimes Kurt can't believe that Blaine seems to feel same as him.

_It can't be._

Blaine takes Kurt's hand gently and looks at Kurt with a hungry gaze.

"Sometimes it feels like a dream that we both kissed. But we did, didn't we?"

Kurt's heart beats faster and he feels like his veins are close to exploding. Slowly, he nods.

_We kissed, but I can't believe it neither._

* * *

Blaine sighs and lies down on his back, stretching his arms. Kurt can't help, he stares down to his groin where he can see a few inches of his skin and the waistband of his shorts since his shirt slipped upwards. Then he looks to his face and sees how Blaine smiles because he watched him while he was watching Blaine.

_Shit shit shit ..._

Kurt turns away and sits on the edge of the bed, clenching a fist while he closes his eyes and pretends like he'd not exist. It's completely silent and Kurt wants to die as he suddenly hears something really strange which throws him off track.

"Let me be your boyfriend."

* * *

Kurt stares out of the window.

"Kurt, did you hear me?"

_I did._

Kurt feels how Blaine comes closer and embraces him from behind, laying his head between Kurt's head and shoulder.

"So, what do you think about it?"

_I think, that your insane. I can't believe that you like me. How could you? So it seems to me that you only want to have sex with me. What I don't understand neither. I'm just a bag of bones._

"Kurt?"

He feels how he presses his nose against his nape. Kurt feels like he can't breathe, and writes something down.

**Why?**

"Why? What why?"

Kurt still doesn't move and stares at the sky.

"Why I want to be your boyfriend?"

Slowly, Kurt nods while Blaine strengthens his grip and lets out a sigh.

"I know we just met four days ago and I hardly know you, but ..."

Blaine puts his legs around Kurt, holding him as close as he can but still feels the need for more.

"I have to think about you in every second I'm awake. I dream about you, when I sleep. Even when you don't say anything, I feel like I'd know what you think. It feels like we know each other for a long time. It feels like -"

Blaine interrupts himself and thinks about how to put all his feelings into words.

"Kurt, I feel so empty and awful without you, like a half person. And I had the naive hope that you would feel the same."

* * *

Kurt's whole body is tensed. He is overfond to believe him, but something in his mind blocks him.

"Please, be mine. Can we give it a try?"

Kurt closes his eyes, his body burns where Blaine holds him.

"Kurt," Blaine whispers into his ear.

"You give me a reason to look forward to every day when I wake up. I need to be with you ... need to touch you."

Suddenly Blaine releases Kurt and he can only imagine how Blaine fights against his boner. Kurt turns around with the will to send him away but as he looks into this deep brown eyes, he forgets everything and lets out a sigh as he realizes that he can't play that game any longer.

**I can trust you, can't I?**

Blaine's face lightens up.

"You can."

Blaine becomes completely nervous and grabs Kurt's hand.

"We can trust each other. I'll never lie to you or hide anything. I promise."

Kurt is lost in Blaine's eyes, forgetting all his regrets and just want to kiss him, touch him, so he nods his head and writes something down.

**Okay.**

"Okay? ... Okay with me being your boyfriend?"

Kurt nods and Blaine has to laugh out loud and unrestrained, full of happiness. Then he looks up to him again who has a strange gaze.

_**Oh god, he absolutely feels the same.**_

So Blaine pushes himself to Kurt and kisses him briefly, before he's the one who pulls his head away this time.

* * *

"The last time we kissed and I wanted to put my tongue into your mouth - you hit me."

Kurt laughs while Blaine stares on the ground, like a shy child.

"May I ... this time ... just a bit?"

Blaine licks his lips while he watches how Kurt writes something down.

**Your my boyfriend. You may do everything you want.**

Blaine's body twitches as he reads that note. He pushes Kurt on his back and sits on his hip, staring down at him with a wild hunger, but still in disbelieve. Kurt's heart almost explodes as Blaine sits on him. He looks so damn hot as he stares at him, with his curls and big eyebrows and just his everything.

_But why doesn't he kiss me?_

_What are you waiting for?_

* * *

Blaine can't believe that he finally reached Kurt's heart.

_**Finally**_.

Suddenly Blaine sinks down next to Kurt and puts his hands upon his face.

_What you're doing?_

_Kiss me!_

"I can't move anymore. I'm so happy - "

Kurt turns to him and raises his brows.

"It feels like a dream and I'm afraid of waking up."

* * *

Then Blaine feels how Kurt licks his mouth corner softly and slightly tries to find a way into Blaine's mouth. His whole body tenses up und he doesn't even try to fight against his woody. He grabs Kurt's neck and pulls him closer to him, opening his mouth and let their tongues play with each other.

* * *

Kurt pulls his head away and smiles, but now Blaine's awake and pushes Kurt on his back again, starting to let his fingers run over Kurt's chest down to his stomach and deeper to his belt.


	14. Scars

_Oh god._

Suddenly, Kurt tucks up his legs and covers his crotch with both hands.

"What's wrong?"

Blaine laughs and stares at Kurt who is totally blushed. He can't help but love this view and feels so turned on that he kisses him again, wet and ardently, feeling his racing heart in every inch of his body. Blaine lies half on Kurt and starts to drag up Kurt's sweater.

_No._

Kurt grips the cloth with one of his hands, sliding it back down while Blaine takes his hand and pushes it upwards again. He feels how Kurt's body squirms and writhes under him while this one turns his blushed face away.

* * *

"C'mon," Blaine mumbles, still holding his hand, totally dominating the weaker person. He feels how his swollen dick presses against his jeans as he thinks about that he could have Kurt here and now if he wanted to. Kurt screws up his eyes, takes his other hand away from his crotch, trying to press Blaine's hand down. Blaine realizes with pounding heart that Kurt isn't ready yet and releases his hand. Finally, Kurt slides his sweater down again, still averting his gaze, feeling how Blaine slides his right leg between his own.

* * *

"Just wanna feel you a bit ... and looking at you, please."

_No._

Kurt shakes his head, opens his eyes and looks at Blaine who is bending over him. Blaine's pupils are dilated and seem almost black while Kurt feels how he's pushing up his knee to Kurt's crotch.

_OH MY -_

Blaine smirks complacently as he feels a hard buckle.

"Just ... looking at your beautiful body ...," he whispers as he wants to kiss Kurt again.

_No ... my scars ..._

Kurt tries to pull himself away from Blaine, but this one drops his body upon him, so that he can't escape.

_Blaine!_

Blaine strokes Kurt's cheek gentle and looks in his eyes.

"I won't touch if you don't want to ..."

_Great, then get down!_

"... but let me at least look at you."

_NO!_

"Please ..."

* * *

Blaine's seductive voice and his boner which he can feel above his ribs, make Kurt really horny although he doesn't want to be. Blaine is perfect and all ... but Kurt doesn't want him to see his wounded stomach. He tenses his body as he feels how Blaine's hand is sliding under his sweater and moving upwards.

_Damn._

"Kurt, what?"

Frightened, Kurt takes his hands and presses against Blaine's hand but this one just takes his right arm and holds him back while he pulls up Kurt's sweater and sees a skin full of scars.

Appalled, Blaine forgets his wet thoughts and can't even handle what he sees as Kurt already freed himself and is now sitting on the edge of the bed, with trembling shoulders.

* * *

_I hate you. I hate you. Hateyouhateyouhateyou._

Kurt presses the hand away which he feels on his shoulder, full of anger.

_Why? Why did you have to do this?_

"Kurt ...?"

_Take a hike._

"Kurt, I'm ... sorry ..."

Again Blaine tries to lay his hand upon his shoulders but Kurt refuses it. He covers his sobbing face with his hands and desires the death.

* * *

Blaine sits right behind him and doesn't know what to do.

**_Fuck you, Anderson!_**

**_You're a dork!_**

**_You screwed it up!_**

He can't believe that Kurt does self-harm, although ... The first time they met, Kurt wanted to kill himself. Promptly, Blaine understands that even though he feels so connected to this person, he actually doesn't know much about him. This sobbing boy seems to be a different person than the guy he thought he would know.

* * *

"Please, I ... Forgive me!"

Kurt cries furthermore.

_Shall I chuck him out?_

"We could act like this never happened."

_How do you want to do this? You saw it. You know it. Now you'll see me with different eyes. You'll see that weak, pitiful person who I really am._

"I'm so sorry."

Suddenly Kurt hears a convulsive sobbing and turns to Blaine, who is crying.

_What the hell?_

Kurt is so surprised that he stops crying and feels the urge to hug his boyfriend who is all in tears.

"I told you that I act like a dork when I'm nervous ... and I get extremely nervous when I'm horny and I -"

His voice failed him and he jumps up.

"I understand when it's over now ... before it even begun. I get it."

_What?_

_You wanna break up?_

Blaine starts to put on his shoes, still sobbing.

"I ... uhm ... I overstepped the mark ... you don't wanted to and I ... I just want you to know that I -"

As Blaine turns to Kurt, he already stood up and stands close to him, holding out a note.

**I won't let you break up with me.**

Blaine laughs teary-eyed.

"Does this mean ... you accept my apology?"

* * *

Kurt takes a deep breath, realizing that he can't be in a relationship and act like he's someone else.

**You said, you won't hide anything from me. So will I.**

And Blaine stares at Kurt while he's pulling up his sweater and shows Blaine his whole wounded stomach, staring on the ground, ashamed. Suddenly he feels two strong arms which are holding him tight.

* * *

Blaine stopped crying and buries his face between Kurt's shoulder and neck, pressing his body against him.

"Please stop doing that kind of stuff."

_It's not that simple ..._

"Please!"

_I would like to._

"Do it for me."

Blaine ends the embrace, takes Kurt's hand and looks at him.

"... for me!"

Blaine's eyes are just beautiful and Kurt could disappear in a flash while Blaine's hands are holding him, so he nods his head and Blaine smiles. Something in his smile changed. Kurt can't say what it is.

* * *

Blaine puts his hand on Kurt's neck and pulls himself a few inches up to him.

"You're amazing, Kurt."

_No, you are._

Again, Blaine presses his lips on Kurt's and shoves his tongue in his boyfriend's mouth.

This kiss is different than the others, Kurt is irritated. Suddenly, he feels even closer to Blaine like he felt before.

Now Blaine knows everything and is still here. He isn't disgusted or angry or something else. He kisses him although he knows it.

_You're perfect._

Blaine pulls his head away, giggling and a bit breathless.

"Uhm, do you want to watch Moulin Rouge?"

_... perfect ..._

Kurt nods full of happiness. Could it be that he finally found this person everybody is looking for, a whole lifetime? Could he found him so soon? His soulmate?

Kurt can't believe how fast his heart beats as he stares to his boyfriend.

_You are still here._

_In spite of everything ..._

Both are staring at each other, completely silent. Kurt blushes a bit while his mind can't stop thinking this way.

_I love you._

And Blaine smiles as he would know.


	15. Love

"Uhm ..." Blaine turns to Kurt's DVDs, trying to hide his blush.

"Why don't you lay down and I -" Then his mobile rings, he takes it out of his pocket and puts it on a shelf without answering the phone, grumbling.

**Don't you want to answer?**

Blaine shakes his head.

"Just mum."

Kurt realizes how uncomfortable Blaine feels, while his phone doesn't stop ringing. Of course, Kurt knows that Blaine hasn't that kind of close relationship to his parents, but there's one thing he can't stop thinking of.

**We should listen to our mums as long as they're there.**

Heavy breathing, Blaine reads the note and answers the phone. Before he can say anything, his mum screams so loud, that even Kurt hears it, two meters away.

* * *

"Dear God, have you lost your mind?"

Blaine gives Kurt a petulant gaze.

_**There you are.**_

"Hey, Mum." Blaine turns his back to Kurt and takes a few steps.

"Your principal called me, he said you hit a class mate?"

"Oh, well ... that's literally wrong ... he isn't in my class."

"Blaine are you insane? Are you completely insane? I thought cleaning the house would be a doctrine for you, but it doesn't look like that. What's wrong with you?"

"There's nothin-"

"And then you left the building? Using a familiar emergency as an excuse?"

"It's not-"

"Where are you Blaine?"

Blaine has the urge to scream into his phone, to yell at his mum. In this moment he hates her, he hates her so much that he can hear how his mind says this one word over and over.

_**Whore ... whore whore whore.**_

* * *

He never insulted his parents (until Saturday) but now he feels more grown up and wants to defend himself. The only reason which keeps him from pitch a fit, is that Kurt is there.

_**What would he think of me, when I insult my own mum?**_

_**But what is he thinking when I allow that someone talks to me like that?**_

He clenches a fist with racing heart.

_**I hate you!**_

"WHERE ARE YOU?"

"With a friend ..."

He pulls himself together, trying not to scream.

"I want to talk to you now! When you're not here within 10 minutes, you can sleep below the bridge for the rest of your life. I swear on the Bible, I'll change the locks and I'll don't care what happen to you. Do you get it?"

Blaine takes a deep breath.

_**Stay calm.**_

"DID YOU HEAR ME?"

"YEAH I DID! YOU OLD HAG!"

* * *

He ends the call and drops his gaze, holding on to the shelf. Then he feels a lightly rubbing of a cold hand between his shoulder blades. Blaine sighs, turns around and let his face sink onto Kurt's shoulder.

"I don't have to leave when you say that you don't want me to go ... or when you write ... you know what I mean."

_Of course I do._

Kurt ends the embrace and writes something down.

**Hurry up, before you have to sleep below the bridge.**

Blaine has to laugh.

"Kurt I," he takes his hands and looks into his eyes, "I don't want you to think that I'm a rebellious child who insults its parents ..." His boyfriend shakes his head, smiling and holds out his note again.

"Okay, okay. I go."

Blaine already opened the door, but turns around again.

"I forgot ... could you please write down that boy's name who was cruel to you?"

Surprised, Kurt stares at him.

_I totally forgot about it._

He writes his name down and hands the paper over to Blaine.

"Thanks. Have to see what can be done. I don't know whether someone believes me after today." Blaine laughs and leaves the room, leaving a coldness behind. A few seconds later, he shows up again. Kurt laughs.

**Did you forget something again?**

"Yeah."

Slowly, he comes closer, grinning.

"I forgot the most important part. I forgot to say goodbye to my boyfriend, properly."

Blaine lays his right hand upon Kurt's neck and pulls his smiling and lightly blushing boyfriend to him. He presses his lips on his mouth and let his left hand slide over his spine.

"Okay, I think I can't visit you again today, but ... would tomorrow be okay?" Kurt's smile says 'yes' and Blaine has to smirk about it.

"And don't worry about school, I'll fix it ... or at least I'll try to." Kurt nods and waves at Blaine as he leaves his room.

* * *

"20 minutes! 20 minutes, Blaine! I said 10 and not 20!"

"Yeah and you also said, that you'll change the locks."

"I've already called the locksmith."

Blaine stares at his Mum, she looks at him with cold eyes, as always. Sometimes he asks himself how someone like him or Alice could emerge out of their parents ... Cooper is just like them ...

"It's midday, your dad won't come home earlier, but I called him. He knows it."

Seeing how regardless her son nods his head, makes her furious.

"Where are you going?"

"Into my room? Or do you want to give me a telling-off? But that would be the first time ... usually you let dad do this while you're standing next to him, nodding your head like a puppy."

"Blaine," she screams after her son, who walks up the stairs.

"Where's your respect? Did you forget why we had to move?"

_**Don't do this!**_

He turns around.

"Dad had problems at work ...," he says more to himself than to her.

"We had to move because of we were ashamed of you! Because all neighbors looked at us... laughed at us, knowing how you are."

Blaine has to fight back his tears. His parents always made those allusions, but they never expressed it.

* * *

"And the past 5 months, you behaved okay but then you slept somewhere else and now you run through classes and hit your class mates?"

Breathless, he stands on the stairs, looking down to this woman.

"If I knew that you would act like this ... I never told you that I'm gay."

"Oh Blaine, don't pretend you're the poor boy. Having sex with people same gender isn't just sin ... you know how we think about that kind of stuff. You developed this whole gay issue just because you wanted to come down on us like a ton of bricks."

"W ... what?"

Blaine starts moving downstairs again, close to tears and in disbelieve.

"Don't look at me like this. That's how it is."

"I didn't choose to be like that." And he bites his lips, recognizing that he starts to feel ashamed again.

_**There's no reason to be ...**_

"Don't make me laugh! Of course you can choose the right or the wrong way."

Blaine reached her and stands one meter in front of her. Although he is closer now, he feels more distanced than ever before.

"You can't choose who you fall in love with."

His mother turns away, almost disgusted by this view.

"Love is a thing between Adam and Eve and not Adam and Adam."

Blaine loses his tongue and remembers the evening in which he told his family that he's in love with a guy. They stared at him almost angry. Cooper, dad and mum were like this, not Alice. She just said: 'What's his name?', and 'Do we know him?'.

* * *

Now it is the first time he talks with his mother about this. It has always been his dad, who yelled at him. She was always reluctant.

"So you mean, love can only happen between male and female?"

"Exactly," his mum sighs and walks away like she's done with Blaine, but he's not done with her and follows her.

"That means, that you don't love Alice, because she's your gender?"

She turns around, staring angrily at Blaine, knowing what he is trying to.

"Stop it Blaine! She's my daughter, of course do I love her."

"But you said-"

"It's a different kind of love."

"That's true, but as you said, love only happens between male and female, you meant love generally."

"I meant physical love between two adults."

"Physical?"

"Oh, Blaine ..."

Again she walks away, followed by her son who feels better now, knowing that he has a good point.

"I don't care what the neighbors think ... and the guy I was with Friday night is my boyfriend now." His mum stops and drops her gaze like Blaine was totally lost in the fire of hell now.

"I left school because he had problems and needed my help ... And I definitely will go out with him ... I will hold his hand, hug him and kiss him wherever I want to."

She turns around, burning with anger.

"And when our neighbors will see us and don't think: 'Hey, what a cute couple they are!', then I'm sorry for them. And I'm sorry for you that you only feel physical love for dad. But the love we both feel for each other is more than just ... physical."

Blaine turns around, takes a breath, walks into his room and packs a bag.

_**Maybe I can sleep at Kurt tonight.**_


	16. Not like that

After Blaine left him, Kurt went to his bed table, opened the drawer and took out a shirt. That shirt, which he gave Blaine Friday night. Blaine said he would take it with him to wash it, but he always forgot to and Kurt is happy about it. He sat down, held it to his face and buried his nose into it.

_I wish I could smell ..._

He feels the cloth and imagines a warm, good and boyish smell. Almost a hour passes, while Kurt thinks about how unbelievable this all is.

_Yesterday I wanted to die and now I have the most perfect boyfriend in the whole world. Can't believe it ... how can he want to be with me? No, stop it! Just accept it! Basically, you're not that ugly ..._

Kurt hears how a car stops near the house, he stands up, walks to the window and sees how a really handsome guy with dark curls walks to the front door.

* * *

Blaine wants to ring the bell, but before he could do it, Kurt opened the door, smiling.

"Ohh, hey!"

Kurt scans his boyfriend, noticing that he's carrying a bag with him. Blaine realizes his surprised expression.

"Uhm ... I ... I had kind of dispute with my mum. I thought ... maybe I could sleep with you tonight."

Just because Kurt's jaw drops and he stares at him - completely speechless, Blaine perceives what he said and blushes.

"No! No! I didn't ... I wasn't ... I meant at you. AT - not with you," he raises his head and looks at his grinning boyfriend, feeling the urge to kiss his smirk away, " ... although ..."

Priceless, is the expression Kurt makes, widened eyes full of scare but also the little shine of desire, like he would struggle with himself, what to think about this offer.

"No, I'm sorry ... May I sleep here?"

Kurt is annoyed that Blaine regained his composure faster than himself.

_Can't get the pictures out of my head._

But he nods and let him enter.

* * *

"Is it really okay? Also for your dad? I mean ... sure I would find another place to sleep but you were the first person I thought about."

Kurt smiles, drops his gaze and writes something in his notebook. He seems to be happy while he's writing it and Blaine can't stop looking at him.

_**Beautiful.**_

Then he shows him his note.

**Of course, it's okay! Another place? Thinking about cheating on me the first day of our relationship?**

"What? I'd never-" But then he gets the joke and hits his boyfriend's arm lightly.

"You!"

Laughing, he pulls the taller body to him and can't believe that Kurt is his boyfriend now.

_**Mine.**_

_**Forever.**_

_**Mine ...**_

Happily, he lays his forehead against Kurt's cheek, embracing him tight. Kurt puts his hands on Blaine's back, feeling the trembling flesh.

_Blaine?_

Kurt wants to end the hug, but Blaine holds him even closer to his body.

_Wha-?_

"It's nothing," he whispers with a wobbly voice, close to sobbing, "I'm just ... so happy and-" His voice breaks and he presses himself with all his strength against Kurt. This one starts to feel crushed and very uncomfortable.

_Too much ... way too much ..._

* * *

He takes his hands away and waits until Blaine releases him, staring at the crying boy in wonder.

_Creepy._

Blaine turns his back to Kurt and buries his face in his hands, ashamed of his emotional outburst, then he laughs out.

_Okay ... crazy._

"I ... I always had lots of sex in my relationships."

Kurt raises his brows and watches Blaine's back, with crossed arms, waiting to realize what he wants to say.

"I used to have lots of sex ..."

_What do you want to tell me?_

_What an amazing stallion you are or what?_

"I was always afraid that people become bored of me quickly, that's why I let it be easy to get me ... No matter what I told guys, nothing could make them laugh or smile. I started to talk about movies and musicals ... they weren't interested. Then I met the guy I had my first time with. He said, that he would sleep with me but doesn't want a relationship ..."

Blaine takes a few steps and holds on to the banister, slowly ending to cry.

"... I was really into him and said 'yes'. From that day on I realized that guys aren't interested in you until you let them into your pants. Or at least I thought it would be like that ... Then I met you."

* * *

Kurt can't say what it is, maybe the proud weakness ...

_Is there even something like 'proud weakness'?_

... but for him it's like he would see Blaine for the first time. That's the real Blaine, afraid of being forsaken and rejected. And Kurt sees his heart and soul and he could swear –_ his heart shines in a Heaven's light._

_God Hummel, you're loosing your mind._

"I pretended to don't care and be spontaneous and ... fun but in fact," he sobs again, "I still knew that they wanted just sex and it broke my heart every time we did it. But I couldn't stop playing that kind of game. I hate being alone. But, since I'm completely boring and -"

He feels how Kurt embraces him from behind, pressing his body close to him.

"But we're not like that, are we?"

* * *

Blaine turns around and faces his boyfriend, who is shaking his head, teary-eyed.

"In fact I have no idea what I'm doing. I only know that you were the first person who wasn't bored of me after more than 10 hours and I-"

_**I love you. I love you so much. I love you like I never loved someone before ... Never thought that I could even feel like this ... Never thought such great feelings exist.**_

Kurt stares at him, waiting to hear what he has to say, but Blaine can't express it. He stares into this beautiful blue eyes and feels lost in it.

_**I can't say it. What if he want to say it back? He would realize again that he can't talk. He would be sad again. He would smile, laugh and be happy at first, but what after two minutes? After ten? Or what in a month? Our relationship would be in an altogether different light. One day he would wake up and be sad about that I'm the only one who can say it.**_

**AND?** - Kurt wrote down, staring at Blaine with a puzzled smile.

* * *

Blaine sighs.

"I'm so happy that I found you. Really, I am."

Then he hugs Kurt again, feeling relieved that he said this kind of stuff but also disappointed that he couldn't say the other thing ... called love.

**How can someone ever be bored of you?**

Blaine laughs and stares at Kurt.

"I just ... had to let you know."

Kurt nods.

_Happy you did ... but now I'm completely lost. Every time when I think 'you can't be more perfect' you prove me a liar. I can never stop feeling for you this way, because you're perfect._

_Just perfect._

* * *

"Oh my ... usually I don't cry as much."

Kurt just smiles and pulls Blaine after him, upstairs into his room. He closes the door behind them, walks to his bed and lays on his back, soliciting. Blaine has to gasp about this view, not knowing how to handle it.

_**A hour ago he doesn't want me to touch him.**_

"Kurt ... just because I said I used to ... you know," Kurt smiles about the stuttering Blaine, "this ... this doesn't mean that we have to ... I can wait."

**You can?**

"Well," he laughs, "I can try to."

**Okay, come here.**

Kurt waves his hand, showing that he should come closer. Slowly, he starts to walk to Kurt, who is scribbling something down again.

**Since you started it, I think it's a great day for confessions. Here's mine.**


	17. The wish

Kurt takes the pen and wants to write again, but he doesn't and drops his gaze, discouraged . Blaine takes off his shoes and climbs into Kurt's bed, curious what this one has to say ... or write. He kneels face to face to Kurt, who has tucked up his legs and avoids looking at Blaine.

"Well, what is it?"

_Why did I wrote this? I can't tell you ..._

He looks up to Blaine and feels captivated of his everything.

_I wanted to let you know, because you just have to ... It's not a big deal somehow, but it's embarrassing._

"Hey," Blaine whispers und puts a hand on Kurt's knee.

_Oh nooo ..._

Kurt pulls his legs away, with raised brows, looking insecure.

"Hey!"

Blaine approaches and sits next to Kurt, deliberately so close that they're touching. He lays his arm around his petite boyfriend and holds him tight.

"Hey," again his voice whispers and he starts to kiss Kurt's neck. Kurt tenses his whole body and feels Blaine's hot tongue sliding over his skin up to his ear. Suddenly he feels how his dick hardens under Blaine's steamy caresses, but he lets it happen.

While he's sucking his earlobe and vanishes inside his taste, Blaine sees how his boyfriend's crotch builds a buckle.

**_Oh my god. Need to touch it._**

He guides his hand to Kurt's crotch, lays it down on the hard boner and squeezes it a bit.

_What the-?_

Kurt hits Blaine's hand away and jumps up, hiding his boner with both hands, blushing. Blaine can't help, he just has to laugh out, because Kurt looks so puzzled and cute.

"Kurt! What's wrong? You act like you never-" He stops and stares at Kurt, who looks like he's been caught.

**_That's it._**

* * *

"You ... already had sex, am I right?"

Blaine tried to keep his question as polite as possible, but Kurt seems to be offended nonetheless.

**Of course, I had sex!** - He scribbles down so vigorous, that Blaine thinks the pen would break. Kurt holds out his note, but his boyfriend is pretty much unfazed, smiling in disbelieve and guiding his eyes down to his boner again.

_STOP IT!_

Deeply ashamed, Kurt covers his crotch with his notebook and drops his head, facing the ground.

"Hey," Blaine whispers, standing up and walks to Kurt.

"Sorry. And when you mean you had ... then I believe you. And you don't have to be ashamed or feel awkward because of your ... you know ... Just think about Friday. I mean, I got a boner out of a much more unfounded reason!"

Kurt looks up, watery-eyed.

"Kurt?"

He sighs, takes a breath and writes something down.

**It's no use ... Everybody can see my virginity in me, from a distance.**

Again, he drops his head, feeling so constricted in his own body, that he wants to take a blade and take a deep cut to free his soul.

"Kurt, that's ... uhm ..."

**_Wonderful. Amazing. OH MY GOD. Virginity ... I knew it. I hoped it. I ... Virginity. Gonna make you scream so bad that you wish you had your virginity again._**

"... okay."

_**Stop it! No!**_

Blaine takes deep breaths, fighting against his own dick who starts to swell, aroused by the thought of Kurt's chaste and innocent ... everything.

**That's what I wanted to confess to you.**

Smiling, Blaine nods. And Kurt (finally won against his boner) sits down on his bed, writing something again. While he does, Blaine sits down next to him, laying his hands upon his crotch to not urge or terrify him. But he can't calm down. Once he has a boner, it won't vanish until someone makes him to do so. Kurt hands his book over.

**I was close to have sex.**

_**What? ... Virginity ...**_

**It was the first time for both of us, we didn't know what to do or how. That's why we ended up sitting next to each other ... masturbating.**

Blaine looks up to Kurt, who seems more relaxed now.

"I have to say, thinking about how you're masturbating is really ...," he stops his sentence and scans Kurt's face, feeling his quick pulse.

"... It's hot."

* * *

_Oh god, I know this face._

Blaine looks like he'd eat Kurt alive here and now. Nervously, Kurt jumps up and walks a few meters.

**_His butt ..._**

**_Virgin butt._**

Kurt turns to him again, and Blaine forces himself to look at his face at the last second, before his boyfriend could realize what he just did. He presses the book, who lays upon his crotch, a bit against his boner.

_**Let me touch you.**_

Kurt points at the book and waves with his hands, showing Blaine that he should go on with reading.

**That was last year. We weren't a couple. I liked him, but after that strange situation we never talked to each other again. Then I had my operation and after a horrible day at school, I never left the house again. ... never found the right person.**

Blaine looks up.

"Now, you found me!"

And Kurt stares at him, surprised and deeply stirred and -

_Oh god, what's that?_

Blaine stands up and lays the book down, standing there and showing Kurt the buckle between his legs, unashamedly.

* * *

"It's perfect. Let's do it. Now, please ... I need it. I need you," he mumbles, while he comes closer to Kurt who has to admit – feels randy. But he doesn't like it when Blaine is that kind of clingy and pushy.

"You're so hot, Kurt. So amazing. Perfect."

And Blaine starts to kiss him and press his crotch against Kurt's, pulling him closer, although he feels how Kurt turns away and tries to free himself.

"C'mon."

_NO!_

Blaine slides his fingers under Kurt's sweater, feeling the scars and further up his ribs.

_Let me go!_

"Just a bit. Just -"

While Kurt thinks, he could climb out of Blaine's arms, this one grabs his hand and puts it on his crotch.

_Holy crap!_

He releases him and both stand face to face. Kurt is frowning and aroused, but also offended because Blaine touched him again without his permission ... but he can't get this thought out of his mind.

_... so hard ..._

* * *

Blaine turns away.

**_So horny ..._**

"Sorry. Really ... Just let me go into the bathroom for a moment – or two." Before Kurt could do anything, Blaine disappears in the other room, and locks the door.

_Great! I can't even satisfy my boyfriend._

For a moment Kurt thinks about to knock at the door and join him. He is sure – Blaine would open. He would ... definitely. But he decides to sit on his bed and wait for him.

* * *

After a while, Blaine opens the door and enters Kurt's bedroom again, staring on the ground.

"Uhm, I don't know how to start -"

Kurt claps his hands, Blaine looks up and reads Kurt's note.

**Let's go for a walk!**

* * *

They drive along the country road in Blaine's car. Blaine's eating some burgers while Kurt is just amazed how his boyfriend can drive and eat that kind of stuff at the same time.

"I hardly see why you didn't want to eat something. You didn't eat anything the whole day, am I right?" Blaine turns his head to Kurt, rapidly and again to the road.

"We're there. This is the place I wanted to show you."

Blaine stops the car and both dismount. They stand near a forest. It's almost 2 p.m. and Kurt has no clue what Blaine wants here. But then he feels how someone grabs his hand and pulls him along the track.

* * *

_We're holding hands._

Kurt looks down to them with a racing heart.

_We're holding hands._

_We're ho-_

"We're holding hands." Kurt faces Blaine who smiles at him, warmly and from the bottom of his heart.

"Every time we're doing this, I just want to shout it out and make the whole world to hear it." He laughs and starts to scream into the forest, in which they're entering now.

"WE'RE HOLDING HANDS! THAT'S MY BOYFRIEND!"

At this point, Kurt really adores Blaine, he also wants to shout it out, but he can't.

_And now Blaine does it._

He feels same as him.

_Blaine._

His handsome, kindhearted and constantly horny boyfriend.

Blaine breaks the connection and puts his hand on Kurt's hip instead, pulling him closer to him, so that their sides are touching each other.

After half an hour, Kurt feels really exhausted and weak. Maybe it's because he stopped eating ... not maybe. That's the reason. He knows ...

* * *

"Look at that!"

Kurt guides his gaze in the direction Blaine is pointing at and sees ..._ nothing?_ He gives him an asking look.

"Okay," Blaine laughs, "Let's go closer to it."

After a few steps, Kurt catches a sight of plenty stones. They are arranged in a circle and as Kurt comes closer, he realizes that it's an old fountain. Reverently, he looks into the darkness, standing on the brink and thinking about how old this Construction might be. He bends over and feels caught by the dark hole deep down. Suddenly he feels how someone nudges him and before he can even recover himself, he feels Blaine's arms around him.

"Did I scare you?" He asks, still closely entwined with him.

_You did! Dork._

_For a moment I thought, you let me die._

"I'm never gonna let you fall."

* * *

Blaine ends the embrace and faces Kurt.

"Look around! Alice and me used to come here and play games. We liked to play "princess" and no - I wasn't her!" Kurt laughs and starts to look around. The trees seem to shine in a mystical light and really - this place seems magical.

"I was always the prince who had to free the princess. We spent our half childhood here. And this well was our magic place. Whenever we felt weak or sad, we bent over and made a wish. And let me be honest, the wishes came true. Well, just the first wish of both of us. But one wish! That's why we think once a life you can come here, make a wish and it gets fulfilled."

Blaine presses his lips on Kurt's, running his hands over Kurt's back. As Kurt loses the counterpressure, he opens his eyes and looks at the smiling Blaine.

_So damn handsome._

"The first time we came here, mum and dad were close to getting divorced. Mum has been away for more than two months. Alice wished her to come back and as we came home, she was there ... Make a wish!"

Kurt raises his brows.

_Don't believe in such things._

"Just do it, okay?"

Kurt turns and walks to the well. As he bends over he feels strange again, but he closes his eyes and thinks about what his biggest wish is.

_Blaine._

_What to wish for?_

_I love him and I guess he loves me, too. So far, so good. But what when he stops loving me?_

Suddenly Kurt feels that pain in his stomach again.

_I believe in true love. But is true love also meant to last forever?_

Then he knows it.

He breathes in and makes his wish, smiling.


	18. Touch you

"I still think you should let me know what you wished for! Alice told me too, and the wish came true nonetheless! It also worked out as I made my wish and told her!"

They're driving home and Blaine feels a bit offended, while Kurt just smiles. Shortly before 4 p.m., they arrive at Kurt's house.

_Why is dad already here?_

* * *

As Kurt opens the door, he hears his dad screaming.

"KURT?!"

He runs out of the living room into the corridor and catches a sight of his son and this other guy.

"Where have you been?"

Kurt scans his dad. He seems to be drunk.

_Didn't keep your promise ..._

Blaine closes the door behind him and stands next to Kurt, feeling how Burt stares at him while Kurt is writing something down.

**Blaine and me, we went for a walk. Why are you already at home?**

"Because," Burt talks loud and aggressive, "my son went to school today after half a year. I was worried and came home to look after him. But he wasn't here. And he didn't pick up his phone."

**Sorry, I forgot it here.**

Burt nods and notices Kurt's watery eyes. He takes a deep breath, trying to calm down.

"Well, what was school like?"

Kurt starts to write it down, but Blaine thinks that this story could take a long time.

"Kurt had problems with a teacher and a classmate."

Burt glances at him like Blaine would have just killed somebody.

"I'm talking to my son. Not to you!"

_DAD?! YOU MAD?_

Blaine can't see why Kurt's dad is so angry with him.

"I know, but since Kurt can't answer that fast, I thought I could make you help to understand wh-"

"I don't need you to understand my son!"

Kurt stopped writing and looks up.

_What you're doing, dad? Don't be rude to Blaine!_

Blaine's voice becomes quieter as he looks on the ground.

"I didn't say-"

"I know him much more longer than you. Who do you even think you are?"

Blaine looks up, really insecure what to do. He got insulted and wants to shout back, but in spite of everything, he is Kurt's dad.

* * *

Kurt reaches out his left hand and takes Blaine's.

**He's my boyfriend. And I want him to stay for the night.**

Burt stares at the note and at their hands by turns and becomes silent.

_**Thanks ...**_

Kurt nods his head upstairs and waves his hand at Blaine, showing him that he should go. This one just shakes his hand.

_**Can't leave you alone.**_

_GO!_

Forceful, he nods his head again, and Blaine leaves, reluctantly.

* * *

**What's wrong with you?**

"With me? ME? I was afraid!" Burt walks away, into the living room and opens a new beer bottle. On the table are already three empty bottles. Kurt follows him.

**Dad!**

**Why are you so rude to Blaine?**

"Okay, sit down."

Both sit down.

"You know this guy since when? Friday?"

**Thursday.**

"Oh, I'm sorry. Since Thursday! You never had a boyfriend before and suddenly you have?"

Kurt stares at Burt. He never had a problem with him being gay and Kurt doesn't get his point.

"You don't have sell yourself at less than fair value."

_What?_

Burt sighs. It hurts saying this, but Kurt needs to know.

"There are plenty boys who would like to be your boyfriend, because they think it's pleasant to have a good looking guy on their side who can't say 'no' in an emergency."

Kurt doesn't know what offends him more. Burt degraded Blaine to a cruel rapist. Or that he really thinks Kurt couldn't find someone who seriously likes him.

"Listen, I don't say that you both can't be together. But for the start I don't want you to be together alone ... until you know him better and can trust him."

Actually, Kurt is angry with him. He would like to write down nasty things and want to defend himself and Blaine but he also knows that this would be waste of time. So he just stands up and leaves the room, disappointed in his dad.

* * *

"Is everything okay?"

Kurt shakes his head and starts to cry, while Blaine jumps up. They're standing in Kurt's room, hugging each other. Blaine caresses Kurt's back gentle and holds him so tight, that for a moment Kurt forgets why he's crying.

_You are none of those things, dad meant._

"I'm sorry. If you want to - I'll leave right now."

Kurt embraces him tighter and Blaine smiles.

_**Hoped you would do that.**_

Suddenly, Kurt feels so warm and good again and he lays his face on Blaine's shoulder and starts to kiss his neck and then he licks his nape.

"Oh god, Kurt? What-? Oh god."

Kurt's tongue feels so good and Blaine is a bit frustrated as Kurt pulls himself away and turns around, walking to the door.

_**Where are you going? You must be kidding! Sex me up and then leaving me like –**_

Kurt locks the door and breathes in.

_I thought I'll never be ready ... but I need to touch you._

* * *

Blaine could die as Kurt turns to him again, with that insecure, but aroused and arousing look.

_**Virginity.**_

Kurt walks to Blaine and passes, while he touches his arm with his own lightly.

_**Dear god.**_

As Blaine turns around, Kurt sits on his bed and holds out a note.

**We're gonna have sex now.**

Blaine loses his tongue and as he looks at Kurt he can't find any doubts on his face. Suddenly he can't think about something else than to touch him.

"We ... Uh ... w-" Blaine's stuttering gets interrupted as he watches Kurt laughing.

"You don't have to laugh at me! You are as red as a beet!"

* * *

Again, Kurt laughs. Earlier, he would have been offended, but now ... walking in the forest with Blaine, kissing him and holding his hand ... As they were in the forest, Kurt suddenly knew that he never want to hold someone else's hand or kiss someone else's lips for the rest of his whole life. Talking with his dad corroborated his thoughts and blew all his doubts away.

"No, seriously. We don't have to-"

Kurt doesn't even listen, but takes off his shoes and then his sweater. There it is, again. Blaine's dick twitches a bit, because of that view. Pale, white skin, scarred. Ribs, his hip bones and that waistband of his shorts are showing. A white waistband of white shorts.

_**Virginity.**_

For a moment, he forgets that this is real, until Kurt is holding out something again.

**What are you waiting for?**

* * *

Blaine runs to Kurt and wants to take off his shoes, in a hurry and almost falls by doing this. Kurt laughs.

"Didn't I tell you to not laugh at me?"

And he slumps inside a warm and long kiss, smiling. Rashly, Blaine pulls his head away.

"Kurt, just because I jerked off and your dad was cruel ... this doesn't mean that you have to comfort me ... or somethin-" Kurt grabs Blaine's collar and pulls him down to him, shoving his tongue into his mouth.

"Kurt, Kurt, KURT, STOP!"

Kurt stops moving and feels like they changed parts.

_Just touch me. Let me touch you. What's wrong?_

"I can't do this."

_What the fuck?_

Blaine turns away, staring out of the window. Kurt sits up again and tries to fight against the tenseness in his pants.

"I'm so randy just by now. When we keep doing this then I'll come in the next two minutes and it's ... so embarrassing. You're just too hot and I ... I feel ... nervous like a virgin."

Kurt has to smile.

_I never wanted you more._

* * *

Kurt kneels behind him and starts to pull up Blaine's shirt, feeling how his dick swells as he catches a sight of this muscular back.

"Kurt, I'm ... I'm serious. I don't think I'm rea - oh my-"

Kurt decided to guide his tongue along Blaine's backbone and he seems to like it. He touches his skin, scanning each muscle with his fingers.

_Mine._

_My boyfriend._

_All mine._

Kurt tries to undress Blaine completely, but he doesn't want to raise his arms.

_C'mon._

Suddenly Blaine turns around, overwhelms Kurt and presses him into the mattress.

"What do you think you're doing? You can't just turn me on like this and then leaving me in the last second. I swear, this time I won't stand it."

At first Kurt was afraid of him, as he turned around, but know he just feels Blaine's hands on his and the sex drive in his whole body.

_Want you._

* * *

Carefully, Kurt puts his right hand on Blaine's nape and stares at him so certain about his emotions that he just want Blaine to believe him.

As Blaine looks at him, he can nearly feel the burning desire in his boyfriend's eyes. Slowly but surely, he starts to realize that Kurt won't spurn him this time. Goosepimples cover his whole body and his heart beats as fast as it never did before.

_**I love you.**_

So he runs with his fingers along Kurt's upper body, sucking Kurt's wet tongue in his mouth while he feels how his dick finally needs freedom. He straightens himself and stares at Kurt, who lays on his back and watches him, impatiently and heavy breathing. Blaine grins, feeling randy just by looking in those blue, beautiful, innocent eyes.

_**Innocent.**_

* * *

Suddenly a hot flush comes over Blaine again and this time he won't hold back. Very quickly, he doffs his shirt and throws it through the room, not caring where it lands. Blaine's body is perfect. More muscular than Kurt's and with more flesh on it. All in all Kurt has the feeling that his heart skips a beat as he stares at that body. Blaine bends over to him again, guides both hands down to Kurt's belt and further down. He places them upon the hard buckle, he can see and feel between Kurt's legs. Trembling, by his own lecherousness, he looks up to Kurt again, like he wants to ask for permission. Hesitantly, Kurt nods, while he can feel nothing else but this tenseness in his pants and his heartbeat in every inch of his body.

* * *

Blaine presses against the hard counterpressure and squeezes it a bit, feeling how his dick winces as he watches his boyfriend and how he screws up his face and clenches fists, aroused.

_**Hot. So hot.**_

Suddenly, he is overwhelmed by all his feelings and just needs his dick to be free. Free and then in Kurt's ass. So he starts to open Kurt's belt but this one takes Blaine's hands and hold him back.

_**Seriously? No. NO. NOOO!**_

Kurt reaches out his hand and takes his notebook.

_**Okay, stay calm Blaine. He just want to tell you something.**_

Blaine sits upon Kurt's thighs and strokes Kurt's buckle with the left hand and his own with the other one.

**I would like to make you feel good.**

A bit surprised, Blaine reads the note.

_**I'll feel good when I'm deep inside you.**_

He writes something again, while Blaine rubs their boners faster, completely impatient.

**Since you had to do it by yourself this afternoon, I want to do it now.**

And Kurt sits up, looking at Blaine who feels agonized under that pressure in his pants. Abruptly, Kurt opens Blaine's belt and yanks off Blaine's jeans, while this one also straightens up so that they kneel face to face.

* * *

Kurt stares down at Blaine's black shorts and that big buckle who is visible.

"You – you – don -"

Blaine doesn't want that Kurt feels urged to do something, but his boyfriend suddenly yanks off Blaine's shorts, too.

_**My god.**_

Except of his own, this was the second dick Kurt ever saw and he seems so hard and big and Kurt needs to touch him. He bends down to Blaine's stomach and starts to lick his abs.

_**He's so cute ...**_

Then he guides his tongue deeper and caresses the skin a few inches above his balls.

"K ... Kurt, because of that-"

Kurt circles around the balls, making it impossible for Blaine to not moan.

"Mhh ... Kurt ... I ... I tend to be loud. I can't controle myself and your dad is here -"

He knows that Kurt locked the door, but thinking that Kurt's dad (who doesn't like him anyway) would hear him moan ... it bothers him.

* * *

Kurt stops licking Blaine and turns away, reaching for his notebook.

_**DON'T STOP IT!**_

**Sometimes it's beneficial to be mute.**

Normally, Blaine would laugh about it, but he stares at Kurt and knows that if Kurt won't continue doing what he wanted to do, Blaine has to continue ... his way.

"God, Kurt ... Just suck me!"

In panic, Kurt bends to Blaine again and starts to lick his dick.

"Hmmmm ..."

He looks up.

_**WHAT?**_

_Shut up!_

"I can't stay quiet when you're- uhmmm"

Kurt reached the head of his cock. In fact he has no idea what he's doing. The porn he saw in his life and the fact that he has a dick by himself and knows how he wants to be touched must be enough to make Blaine come. At least he hopes so.

Slowly and insecure, Kurt opens his mouth and presses his lips around that hard flesh.

"Oh god!"

Kurt slaps his left hand onto Blaine's mouth, still sucking his dick.

"Hmmm ..."

Blaine bends forward, down to Kurt, takes Kurt's left hand away from his mouth and kisses it.

"You're doing it so good, Kurt ... so good."

Kurt drops his dick and rubs it slightly in his hands, mixing his own saliva with Blaine's precum, feeling suddenly horny again, while his own dick presses against his jeans.

* * *

Again he takes it into his mouth and guides his lips from the head to the end sucking it as hard as he can.

"Mhmmm ... K ... Kurt. Kurt Stop it! Stop it!"

Surprised, Kurt drops the dick again, feeling a bit disappointed. He can't taste much but just the feeling of that hard flesh and the imagination of the taste makes it to Kurt's new favourite pastime.

"Come here!"

Blaine pulls Kurt up to him, scanning his butt with his fingers.

"Don't rush! When you keep going on like this ... I swear I'll come in the next 20 seconds. I feel like I can't breath!"

He lays his head on Kurt's shoulder, slightly trembling. Then he kisses Kurt's nape and guides his tongue to his mouth corner where he licks off a mix between his own and Kurt's taste.

"Okay, go on!"

* * *

Kurt leans forward again, sucking Blaine's dick, full of joy. He uses his hands to squeeze Blaine's balls, watching amused how Blaine tries to suppress his moans. He sucks it harder, circling around the head with his tongue and finally, he uses his hands and rubs him.

"Hmmm -"

Blaine presses a hand on his mouth, and clenches a fist with the other one. He drops his head and feels how he loses the stability in his legs.

_**DYING.**_

While Blaine contorts his face again in that hot way, Kurt's dick feels so hard, that it hurts in the meantime. He could keep licking and rubbing Blaine's hard flesh for much more longer but as he has the dick in his mouth again it swells even more just for a moment and then Kurt feels a liquid in his mouth.

_Damn ... Forgot about that ..._

Blaine lets his head sink upon Kurt's, still trembling and heavy breathing.

"You don't have to swallow it ... Just spit it out. That's okay."

Although Kurt is a bit afraid of it, he knows that it's impolite to not swallow and in fact he wants to. That's why he drops Blaine's dick and swallows the cum. Kurt looks at his smiling boyfriend, feeling so happy and wants to kiss him as he suddenly feel a pain in his stomach. He only just can avoid his gaze right before he has to vomit next to Blaine on his bed and the ground. Then he loses his consciousness.


	19. Worries and guilt feelings

|* Hey dears, this chapter is pretty short again ... I'm sorry but I'm so busy with school ... Hope you enjoy it anyway! X aida *|

* * *

"Kurt?"

Kurt lies there, like he'd be dead. In panic, Blaine shakes his boyfriend's shoulders, but he doesn't move while his eyes remain closed.

"Kurt! Holy shit! KURT!"

"What's up in there?" Burt rattles at the door.

"Kurt? Is everything okay? Hello? What's with him? Open that damn door!"

Blaine doesn't know what to do, jumps up and runs to the door. Then he realizes that he's naked.

_**Shit.**_

He slips into his jeans and opens the door.

_**Maybe he knows what to do.**_

* * *

This guy opens the door ... topless. Usually, Burt would take a few moments to think about why he's almost naked but then he catches a sight of Kurt, who lies prone on his bed into a whitish liquid.

"He doesn't move."

Frightened, Burt shoves Blaine away, runs to his son and turns Kurt's head aside.

"He suddenly ... just lost his consciousness ... and I-"

"Are you mad? You can't let him lie prone when he's powerless. He can't get enough air through his tracheostoma when he's like this!"

_**What? Really?**_

Blaine stares at Kurt and to his dad by turns. Burt yelled at him again, but this time this one is right. Suddenly Blaine is scared that Kurt's really in danger.

"And after all, did you make him to swallow it?"

Blaine trembles with tearful eyes. His mind is overloaded with worries about Kurt and his own guilt.

* * *

_**Kurt! Just move again!**_

"I didn't – that doesn't matter ... What shall we do?"

"WE do nothing. You're going home! NOW! I don't want to see you ever again."

"But ..."

"Get out of my house."

Burt's head is reddened and Blaine is close to tears just by now.

_**Kurt.**_

Suddenly he sees how Kurt's forefinger twitches.

"He's awake."

Totally happy, Blaine wants to go to Kurt, but Burt holds him back by pressing his underarm upon his chest.

"Don't touch me!"

"Don't touch my son!"

With a start, Burt shoves Blaine away, so that he lands on the wall.

* * *

Kurt's head feels like he'd explode immediately, he can move his hand, but just with the utmost effort. Somewhere far away, behind a waft of mist, he hears his dad and Blaine yelling at each other.

_STOP IT!_

He isn't sure whether he would be able to speak if he wasn't mute ... probably not. Kurt feels so tired and muddled and wants them to stop shouting, but they don't.

* * *

"I'm not Kurt. Be crude to me again and I'll report you to the police ... but right now - Kurt is more important ... he needs our help ..."

"I'm warning you. Hit the road! And get your clothes on!"

"But Kurt -"

"We get along with that without you. It's fault that this all even happened!"

Blaine stares at Kurt, whose legs are moving now, while his eyes are still closed.

_**He's right. It's my fault.**_

"Shouldn't we bring him to the hospital?"

Burt sits down, next to Kurt and ignores Blaine. Confused, Blaine crosses his arms and looks around.

_**Where's my shirt?**_

Suddenly he spots it, also his shoes and puts them on.

"I mean ... seriously ... it's better for him when we bring him to the hos-"

"Don't you get it? You put him at risk!"

* * *

Kurt can finally manage to open his eyes and sees the window.

_Blaine?_

Behind him, he can hear his voice.

"I didn't want to-"

"But you did! Get out of his life! For his sake!"

_DAD!_

Burt watches how Kurt opens his eyes and wants to turn his head, but Burt puts his hand on it and holds him back, so that Blaine doesn't see that he opened his eyes.

Kurt tries to free himself, but feels still exhausted and can't move his legs or fingers in this moment.

* * *

Reluctantly, Blaine takes his bag, walks out of the door, leaves both behind and feels how his chest aches, as if his heart had been torn out.

* * *

Finally, Burt releases his son and Kurt tries to sit up, but collapses in his father's arms. Gentle, he strokes his head.

_Let me go ..._

"It's okay Kurt, he's gone."

Abruptly, Kurt realizes that his dad's right.

_Blaine is gone._

This knowledge gives him the power he needs to get up and grasp his notebook.

**When he's crying, I'll hate you forever.**

* * *

Burt stares at the note in disbelieve.

"You must be kidding ..."

Kurt takes his sweater and his shoes and dresses himself.

"What do you think you're doing?"

Kurt looks at his dad with anger.

**Finding Blaine** – he scribbles down.

"You were just passed out and - Stay here!"

Kurt already reached the stairs and starts to go downstairs.

"Kurt!"

Suddenly he loses the strength in his legs, starts to fall and can hold on to the banister in the last second.

"Kurt! Don't be stupid and lie down!"

_Blaine._

Kurt straightens himself and takes the last steps, feeling dizzy.

"KURT!"

Burt stands behind him as he opens the door, but this one just leaves the house without turning around.

* * *

Kurt would like to run, but feels too weak, anyway sweat is dropping down his face and he feels ill in a weird way.

_What when he's gone forever?_

Just the thought of that makes Kurt crying. He can't fight back the tears and walks along the street. 10 minutes later he reaches the place where Blaine found him that night as Kurt wanted to kill himself, run away and sat on stairs. Now he sees a guy who sits on those stairs, tucked up his legs and buries his head in his arms, which lie upon his knees.

_Blaine?_

Heavy breathing, Kurt comes closer.

_Dear god, please ... Don't let him cry!_

With pain and misery, he takes the last steps to the person.

_Blaine?_

* * *

As Blaine thought, that Kurt would never forgive him and that they won't be together ever again, he felt like someone called his name and looks up.


	20. Resistors

Kurt stands in front of him, heavily breathing and full of tears, but before Blaine can even move, his boyfriend kneels down to him and hugs him as strong as he can, but seems so fragile that Blaine's heart skips a beat. He scans Kurt's back with his hands while Kurt's face lies upon Blaine's chest, clinging to his boyfriend's body.

_Thought I'd lost you ..._

Blaine ends the embrace, grips Kurt's shoulders and pushes him a bit away, so that he can see his face. Kurt looks really bad - so pale and sweaty with his still wet cheeks. Silently, Blaine puts his hand upon Kurt's forehead.

_**Fever ...**_

Slowly and worried, he takes his hand away.

"Kurt you should go to bed -"

* * *

Kurt embraces him again, still kneeling on the cold stairs. Overchallenged by his strange affectionate and ill boyfriend Blaine doesn't know what to do and strokes his back again.

"I'm so sorry Kurt. Sorry for making you vomit and passing out and-"

Kurt lays his hand upon Blaine's mouth, symbolizing that he wants to tell him something, so Blaine becomes silent and waits until Kurt wrote his note.

**I want to apologize for my dad. He was horrible to you.**

"No, he was just worried about you, same as me. But I ... if he hadn't been there ... probably you ... I didn't know ... maybe you ... you were smothered and I-" Blaine's voice breaks as he starts to cry and Kurt hugs him. Suddenly he shoves Kurt away again, holding his shoulders and looking into his eyes.

"No matter what your dad did to me, it doesn't warrant that I left you..."

**He chucked you out.**

"I'm serious ... leaving you that way in this situation was the worst thing I've ever done. And you ... you're feeling bad and you followed me. I'm so sorry ... how do you feel? Why did this happen? You look awful!"

Kurt slaps on an exhausted but relieved smile.

**Feeling good, just tired. Let's go home again.**

"I don't know. Your dad was ... precisely. I shouldn't -"

**I want you to come with me.**

* * *

"Kurt."

He puts his hands on Kurt's neck, smiling at him while he's feeling Kurt's fever.

"It's okay. I can sleep at my own home."

Kurt drops his gaze and puts his hands on Blaine's.

_Need you ..._

Then he starts to grin and looks up, what makes Blaine smile.

"What?"

Kurt takes his notebook.

**Except of vomiting next to you – did you like it?**

Blaine reads the note and can't hold back his smirk.

"What when I tell you, that I liked it the most as you almost vomited on me?"

Both laugh, while Kurt averts his gaze, blushing.

* * *

"No it was amazing. Seriously ... But I feel so bad now. Where is your pain? One does not simply pass out."

Kurt stands up.

**Let's discuss it at home. At my home. I don't care what dad says. It's my room.**

Blaine nods.

"Okay, I yield to you, but then you owe me something!"

Blaine also stands up, pulls his boyfriend close to him and kisses him.

"That's disgusting. Could you two please do this somewhere else and not in public! There are children here," a man says as he passes.

"What?"

Furious, Blaine ends the kiss and turns to the man who stops and turns around.

"Come back and say to my face what you need to say," he screams at him.

_Oh no. Calm down. Just ignore him!_

Kurt tugs at Blaine's sleeve but this one is totally upset.

"Are you fag talking to me?"

* * *

No matter who you are or how you look like, there are always those words which hurt you that much that you either tend to cry and hurt yourself – like Kurt does or tend to get excited and pick a fight – like Blaine does. 'Fag' was such a word, for both.

"Are you as stupid as you're ugly or are you just blind? Do you see someone else?"

Blaine starts to walk to the man while Kurt tries to hold him back.  
_You mad? Stop! STOP IT!_

The man clenches a fist, accommodating with an angry expression.

Kurt stands in front of Blaine, holding him back.

_He's twice as big as you!_

Kurt turns to the man and holds out a note.

**Sorry. He didn't mean it.**

He looks down to Kurt and then to Blaine by turns. Blaine tries to edge Kurt away but this one just takes his hand and pulls him after him, running back home.

"Don't get in my way once again," the man screams but lets them pass.

* * *

**You're stupid! Put mind in gear before opening mouth!**

"I'm not even sorry. I hate such people. I'm right. I know it."

Kurt is annoyed at Blaine and remembers the time he said, that he doesn't want Kurt to think that he's a rebellious child or something, but in fact that's exactly what he is. He still pulls Blaine after him, feeling tired and dizzy.

**You wouldn't have won against him**

He laughs.

"But then you would have had to nurse me back to health ... what's really hot."

Kurt stops and turns around, giving Blaine an angry look.

"Okay, yeah I'm sorry. Are you pleased now?"

Timidly, Kurt nods his head and walks now next to his boyfriend who starts to grin.

"Are you pleased ... ? Satisfied ... ? Do you want me to satisfy you?"

Kurt averts his head again and Blaine laughs because he knows how Kurt blushes.

"Seriously. It's not okay that I'm the only one who -"

Kurt stares at Blaine so that he becomes silent.

They arrive Kurt's home.

* * *

**Go into my room!**

And Blaine walks up the stairs and waits for Kurt to follow him, but he goes into the living room where his dad sits, crying.

Kurt sits down, next to him.

**Why are you so rude to my boyfriend?**

"Because I don't like him. I can't stand him. I hate him," he says and looks to his son.

"How many times did I try to make you eat breakfast with me? How often did I tell you that you need to go back to school? You didn't listen to me. He hardly showed up and you eat with him and go to school again ..."

Kurt's jaw drops and he starts to understand why his dad acted like an idiot the past days.

* * *

"It's the fear of loosing you and the notion that I've already lost you, that drive me crazy. Everything I couldn't manage - he does now and you ... you chose him and ..."

Kurt hugs his dad, close to tears.

**I love you so endlessly** – he shows Burt after they finished their embrace.

"I know," his dad sighs,"that's what makes it so hard."

**Don't act so stupid. You aren't going to lose me. I'll always think that you're the world's best dad. That there's Blaine now doesn't change anything.**

Burt stares at Kurt and wants to believe him.

"I'm sorry for chucking him out. You have to know he was quite ... afraid about you, almost desperate ... I just can't handle the feeling to share you with him. I'm really sorry. Really ... Do you want to tell me what happened in school today or -?"

Kurt laughs.

**Not today, I'm so tired, but I won't go tomorrow. Good night!**

* * *

Right before Kurt opens the door, he imagines how Blaine might be in there. He could be naked, saucy placed or something else. Actually, Kurt is tired to death but he wont say something against cuddling. That's why he's a bit surprised as Blaine sits on his bed, cross-legged, in sweatpants and a shirt.

_Okaaay ..._

"I thought we could use some sleep. Especially you. Do you need something? A tea? Or something else?"

Kurt shakes his head, smiling.

**Do you need something?**

_**Just you.**_

Blaine also shakes his head.

* * *

Although it's just shortly after 6, both experienced so much this day, that they're completely exhausted. Now, they're in Kurt's bed, Blaine on his back and Kurt lying upon Blaine's chest with his upper body. Blaine's hand strokes Kurt's back while a random show is on TV. Both pretend to watch it but they don't.

Suddenly Blaine's mobile rings and as he sees that it's his mum he picks it up, prepared. He knows what she would say. She would say that dad is home and Blaine should come back to have a 'talk'.

"Your father is here. I give you ten minutes Blaine, ten!"

"No."

"What do you mean with 'no'?"

Blaine straightens up.

"I won't come back today."

"Where are you?"

"I'm at my boyfriend's. And I can't come back, because he sucked my dick, swallowed my cum, had to vomit because of that and passed out. Now I have to look after him."

"BLAI-"

But Blaine ends the call and blocks the number.

He lies down again and has to laugh by looking at Kurt's indignant but amused face. He lies upon Blaine's chest again, smiling.

_Rebellious._

* * *

"Actually, this day was amazing ... except of that we had mortal fear at least twice. First you had to fight against that bully. Then, we went home together. We became boyfriends. I fought against my mum, you against your dad. We made out. You almost died-"

Kurt laughs, guides his hand from Blaine's chest down to his hip and closes his eyes.

"I left you, you caught me. We almost had a fight with a foreign person, and now we're here. I think I never did so much in a single day."

* * *

Blaine realizes happily that Kurt's fever vanished.

"And you need to go to a doctor, because of your stomach."

Blaine looks at his handsome boyfriend, whose eyes are closed.

"Kurt? Are you even listen to me?"

Kurt smiles and shakes his head.

"You," he mumbles, giggling and starts to kiss Kurt's forehead, then his temples. Kurt smells so damn good that Blaine feels the urge to lick his whole body.

With a sigh, Blaine feels how his dick swells.

"I'm hard again," he whispers so calm and informal that Kurt doesn't know how to react. He sits up, grasps his notebook and writes something down.

**What do you want me to do?**

Blaine reads it, with a racing heart and smiles.

"I want you to cuddle with me."

Kurt stares at Blaine, confused.

* * *

"It's not that kind of hard. It's bearable. It'll go away immediately ... I just wanted you to know ..."

_Thank you! Now I can't stop thinking of it._

Kurt lies down again, showing Blaine his back.

"Hey!"

Blaine approaches and he clasps Kurt firmly, from behind.

_Like the first night, we spent together ..._

"Just like the first night, we spent together, do you remember?"

Kurt feels how his heart explodes and he smiles, while he nods his head.

Luckily, Kurt doesn't feel a buckle as Blaine presses his body against Kurt's. He couldn't resist him this time.

* * *

Kurt turns to Blaine again and looks into his deep, brown eyes. Gentle, he takes Blaine's hand and lays it upon his chest, to the place where his heart is. Blaine feels Kurt's reassured and strong heartbeat.

_My heart belongs you._

Both are staring at each other, completely silent. Blaine blushes a bit while he can't stop thinking this way.

_**I love you.**_

And Kurt smiles as he would know.


	21. Success and fiasco

Precipitously, Blaine is rudely awakened, as his alarm clock rings. He reaches out his hand, turns off his phone and opens his eyes.

_**Where am I?**_

He doesn't know this ceiling or those walls or those -

Then he sees Kurt. Actually, he was too drowsy too realize it until now, but now as he catches a sight of him, he can't get why he didn't it realize before. His boyfriend clasps him with his arms so that Blaine can barely move. Happily, Blaine starts to smirk.

"Hey," he whispers softly and approaches to Kurt, "I need to get up."

Kurt's grip gets just firmer while Blaine's laughing.

"Hey," he says again and starts to kiss Kurt's forehead gently, when he turns to him and presses him on his back, into the mattress.

Kurt's still half asleep, but he can't imagine something more beautiful than be awaken by Blaine's kisses.

"I need to get up, chucking Tom out of school."

Blaine gives Kurt a long lasting, warm kiss and gets up. Now Kurt is completely awake and stares at his boyfriend, who doffs his shirt. Kurt just sees his back and those muscles and gets into mischief while he feels how his heart beats faster. Blaine turns around and catches Kurt at studying him. Kurt blushes a bit, but forces himself holds Blaine's gaze and to not turn around.

* * *

_I may, he's my boyfriend._

Blaine has to smile, as he would know what Kurt thinks, so he takes off his sweatpants, making Kurt feeling nervous. Blaine's smirk grows as he lays his hand on his shorts and starts to suck them down. That's too much for Kurt, so he closes his eyes and presses his face into his pillow. All he can hear is his boyfriend's beautiful laugh. Then he feels how someone enters the bed and puts his hand upon his neck.

_Dear god, please let him be dressed._

Hesitantly, he opens his eyes and looks at Blaine, who is dressed, fortunately.

"I go now," he says with regret and kisses him one last time.

"Oh and where's the shirt I wore Friday night? I can take it with me to wash it. I said that I'll make it."

Kurt reaches out his hand for his notebook and writes his message down.

**I've already washed it.**

"Sorry, I'm way too forgetful."

He laughs, strokes Kurt's head and walks out of the door.

* * *

As he passes the kitchen, he hears how someone calls his name.

"Hey, Anderson come here."

_**Shit.**_

Blaine goes to Burt and nods at him.

"Morning," he mumbles as impolitely as he can.

"Take some food with you."

Burt smiles while Blaine looks at him as he would be completely insane.

_**What happened to you?**_

"Here."

Burt hands a sandwich over to him.

"Uhmm ... thanks."

Burt nods to him and turns around, like their conversation would be over by now.

"And thanks for letting me sleep here ... and sorry for that incident yesterday-"

"I'm also sorry."

Burt turns around again and it seems to Blaine that something about him has changed.

"I was kind of unfair to you. That's usually not my nature."

"Why don't we forget the past days and start again?"

Burt smiles and reaches out his hand.

"Burt Hummel."

Blaine takes the hand and shakes it.

"Blaine Anderson."

* * *

"You don't have any proof that Tom bullied Kurt. But we have the proof that you hit him."

"Like I said, he deserved it."

Blaine decided to go to the principal early this morning and make him expel Tom from school, but it ended up that Blaine's the one who has to be worried about his position. He has no clue what he could do to convince the old man. That's why he already given up any hope before 8 a.m. and clears out his locker as suddenly a girl walks up to him.

"Hey," she says, sounding insecure and shy.

"Hey," Blaine responds, not knowing what she wants.

"You are the guy who slap Tom yesterday."

"Uhm, and you are?"

"Oh, uhm, sorry."

Blaine looks the girl over. She's pretty small but has long, straight, brown hair and a really beautiful face. But she is dressed like ... well it's not comparable.

"I'm Michelle, Kurt's best friend. Or ... at least I used to be."

Blaine's amazed. He didn't know about her, but he doesn't know much about Kurt anyway.

"Do you know him well?"

"Uhmm..."

_**Should I tell her?**_

"Well ..."

_**Kissing him.**_

"I just know him for a few days ..."

_**Sucking my dick.**_

"Uhhh ..."

_**Boyfriends.**_

"In fact, we're boyfriends."

Michelle's eyes widen.

"Oh ..."

She drops her gaze.

"But please, don't make it public. We're together since yesterday afternoon and I don't know whether-"

"What are your plans to bring Tom down?"

"What?"

"I guess you don't want your boyfriend to be bullied."

Blaine smiles.

"I'm Blaine, by the way."

* * *

At the end of the day Tom flunks out of school and Blaine gets away with an admonishment.

"Really Michelle, thank you! Without your witness report, nobody would've listen to me."

She smiles at him.

"But Mrs. Wyler is still here," she means.

"Yeah, but I guess her main problem is that she can't smooth down differences."

"Okay, so could you say Kurt that-"

"Why don't you just visit him by yourself?"

Michelle's face becomes sad and suddenly Blaine feels sorry for asking that question.

"I tried to ... he didn't want to see me."

"And when you text him? I know he went through some stuff but-"

"He went? What makes you think that he's over it? Loosing his voice is the most horrible thing which can happen to a person who wants to be a singer. Maybe you're a couple now, that doesn't mean that Kurt is happy again. He lost his destiny and he'll never get it back."

Michelle turns around and leaves. She didn't want to be cruel to Kurt's boyfriend but something at him seems overbearing and selfish to her. Maybe it's just the fact that he's together with Kurt and maybe she would've liked him, when they met somewhere else. But now, since they met like this ... she can't stand him.

* * *

As Blaine enters the door, he can't believe his eyes. Everywhere are standing cartons with the inscription - Blaine's stuff – on it.

**_What the hell?_**

"Mum?"

She walks to him while he still stands in the door frame.

"What is going on?"

"We warned you."

Blaine stands there, in disbelieve and stares at his mother.

"You're kicking me out? Seriously? But where -?"

"Why don't you go to your boyfriend? Didn't you tell me how much fun you two have?"

Slowly, he starts to realize his misery.

"It was dad's idea, wasn't it?"

"That doesn't matter."

_**I knew it.**_

Blaine nods.

"May I at least leave the cartons here until I found a place to go?"

"Don't you have a car where you can place your stuff?"

_**Fuck you.**_

Blaine starts to carry the cartons into his car.

_**Great.**_

_**I can't just move in with Kurt.**_

_**We hardly know each other ...**_

* * *

As Blaine rings the bell at Kurt's home at 8p.m. he is a bit sad as Burt opens.

"Anderson?!"

Burt catches a sight of Blaine's car which is filled with cartons.

"Uhm ... come in."

Blaine doesn't know what to say or where to start, so he stays silent and stares at the ground.

"So ... what's the matter? Do you want to move in?"

Burt said it just for fun but he sees in Blaine's reaction that he's right.

"Uhm ... well. Kurt meant that your parents are horrible."

"I don't want to move in. I just had to take all my stuff with me, that's why it's in the car and I really-"

"Listen, we don't have a guest room or something like that, what means that you have to sleep in Kurt's room, but that wouldn't that bad, would it?"

Blaine's jaw drops.

"I didn't came here to-"

"I just want to say that you have my permission, what doesn't mean that you can move in. Kurt makes the decision."

"Uhm ... okay? I go upstairs ..."

* * *

As Blaine stopped his car in front of his house, Kurt saw all the cartons in it and put one and one together. In fact, he doesn't know much about Blaine, as good as nothing. But he loves him and when he's in trouble Blaine can count on him. And just thinking about how Blaine moves in, spends the whole day and the whole night with him, makes him nervous ...

He feels how a warm shiver runs through him, as someone knocks at the door and opens it.


	22. Resist

|* Hey dears, I hope you like this chapter (I like it)! ... and I dare to say that you can look forward to the next one. :3 x aida *|

* * *

Blaine seems insecure and a bit helpless.

"Hey, Congratulations. Tom's away. That teacher is still there and I got an admonishment ..."

Blaine still stands close to the door and Kurt at the window. It's obviously that Blaine wants to say something.

_Moving in ..._

Kurt has to suppress his grin, what is hard to.

"And do you know a Michelle? She was quite helpful. Without her we'd lost and Tom would've won ..."

Now, Kurt is really surprised.

_Michelle._

She is courteous and unselfish, all the things Kurt isn't.

"She meant, that she wants to meet you ..."

Kurt nods and takes his notebook.

**What happened? Did they chuck you out?**

Blaine's underlip starts to twitch like he would start to cry immediately. Suddenly, he sinks onto Kurt's bed.

* * *

"They did! May I sleep here tonight? I'll look for another place to live. I don't need to move in or something like that ... I mean, it would be strange ... although your dad seems to be okay with it, what's weird. Did you talk about me?"

Blaine looks up while Kurt doesn't know what to respond.

_Dad's okay with it?_

Slowly, Kurt places himself next to his boyfriend and scribbles something down.

**Yes, we 'talked' about you.**

Kurt stops writing and thinks about whether he should write it down or not.

**I'm okay with you moving in – more than okay.**

"I don't know."

Blaine stares on the ground, confused about almost everything.

_**I can't move in.**_

_**I know him for 5 days ...**_

_**It would be so great ... so amazing.**_

* * *

Suddenly, he feels a cold hand on his neck, turns his head to Kurt and feels his boyfriend's lips on his own. Kurt lays his right hand on Blaine's left knee, nearly clumsy and trying to not seem shy, what makes Blaine grin, so that Kurt pulls his head away.

_Stop grinning! I can't kiss you when you're like this!_

Blaine has to laugh out and feels his own blush.

_**Moving in ...**_

_**Spending everyday with him ...**_

_**Every night ...**_

"Kurt," Blaine lays his forehead upon Kurt's and closes his eyes.

"I would love to move in."

* * *

As he opens his eyes again, he looks into the deep, endless ocean, or at least it feels like that.

"You have beautiful eyes."

Kurt smiles and leans forward, wanting Blaine to kiss him, what he does.

"And beautiful lips," he guides his mouth down to his chin and sucks it, what's extremely arousing to Kurt,

"... a beautiful chin."

_**A beautiful everything.**_

Blaine ends his caresses and regards his handsome boyfriend, holding his shoulders so that he can't run away, what he hasn't in mind to do.

"I don't want you to be annoyed of me after we're not even together for a week. Living with me is kind of ... a challenge."

Blushing, Kurt laughs and writes something down.

**I like challenges.**

At first, Blaine laughs but then he realizes how Kurt stares at him.

_Want you so bad._

Blaine contract his brows, while he averts his gaze.

_**Can't stand it.**_

He feels how Kurt's hand slides above his knee up to his crotch.

_You can make it Hummel. You already did it once. You already -_

Suddenly Blaine grips Kurt's hand, squeezes it, lays it down and stands up.

_What you're doing?_

"Uhm, I'm gonna carry my stuff in ..."

_**Need some air to calm down.**_

* * *

_**No, please ... dear god, no!**_

As Blaine opened the door, he caught a sight of Burt who carried the last carton in and put it to the others. Burt looks up to the stairs and sees him.

"Hey, hope it doesn't bother you that I've already carried them in."

"Uhm ... no it's just ..."

_**I wanted some time for me. I can't go back to Kurt now. I can't control myself ...**_

"Just what?"

Burt crosses his arms, curious what Blaine has to say.

"Uhm ... you couldn't know that Kurt would give his okay."

Burt laughs.

"Of course, I could know. I know my son."

**_Which is more than you can say for me ..._**

"So, shall I help you bringing them into Kurt's room or-?"

"Oh no, no thanks. You've done enough."

* * *

Blaine takes a carton, walks up the stairs and enters Kurt's room.

"I have 5 cartons, where can I-"

Kurt points to a corner and runs down the stairs, feeling good to finally be able to help Blaine one single time. As he lifts the first carton, he feels how his body temperature starts to climb, his heart beats faster and he feels dizzy.

_My god, they're so heavy ..._

As he's walking up the stairs, Blaine comes his way and sees the sweat on his face.

"Kurt, is everything okay? You don't have to – give me the carton!"

But Kurt turns away and makes the last steps to his room where he places the carton.

For a moment, he takes deep breaths before he walks downstairs again. At the middle of the stairs, he meets Blaine again and averts his face while they pass. Then, Kurt takes another carton and walks up the stairs.

"Okay, Kurt. Give me that damn carton!"

Blaine takes it away and stares at Kurt.

"My god, just lay down for a bit, okay? You look horrible!"

Kurt's pale face is covered with sweat, but he nods, feeling really exhausted. Blaine brings the carton in Kurt's room and fetches the last one.

* * *

Seeing Kurt like this confirms all his fear. Since Kurt passed out, Blaine is afraid to hurt him somehow when he tries to make love with him.

As he enters the room with the last carton, Kurt lies in his bed, just with his shorts on.

_**Holy crap.**_

Blaine would've almost drop the box.

Kurt looks a bit better, but is still sweating.

"Uhm wha ...," nervously Blaine gazes at his boyfriend. He wears chaste, white shorts - _**of course!**_ - and there is a buckle between his legs. Blaine can tell that Kurt isn't horny, he looks really tired, what means -

_**he is that big...**_

Blaine forces himself to focus on Kurt's face.

"What's wrong? Is something aching -?"

Kurt shakes his head and pats the place of the mattress next to him, showing Blaine that he should lay down to him.

_**No way!**_

"I think you should go to the doctor ... Did you eat something today?"

_Come here and stop annoying me._

"Do you eat nothing because of your stomach - because it hurts? Or hurts your stomach because you eat nothing?"

Irritated, Kurt grabs his notebook.

**The former.**

"Okay. So you have severe problems ... you should go. I'll accompany you, when that's the problem."

Impatiently, Kurt pats on the mattress again.

_Come to me!_

Blaine stares at him with a burning desire and a heavy fear in his heart.

"Why are you naked ... by the way?"

**Don't you like it?** - he writes down, giggling.

"That's not the point ... I like it way too much."

Kurt raises his brows, smiling.

_Come on ..._

* * *

"Shall I sleep on the sofa?"

Kurt points next to him, with a forcing look, so that Blaine obeys and crawls across the bed, to his boyfriend. Blaine kneels in front of Kurt, who sits up.

"Do you feel okay?"

_**You still look horrible.**_

Kurt nods and approaches to Blaine, giving him seductive looks, while he puts his hands on Blaine's knees.

"Do you go to school tomorrow?"

Blaine's voice sounds wobbly and Kurt wants to know why Blaine is that kind of unapproachable.

He nods, to answer his question but writes something down.

**Why don't you want me?**

_Disgusted?_

In panic, Blaine shakes his head and puts his hands upon Kurt's neck.

"I do want you. I want you so bad that it hurts ... in every inch of my body ... especially in a few inches between my legs."

Kurt has to laugh, but doesn't get his point.

"I ...," Blaine says and drops his gaze.

_**Honesty!**_

"I'm afraid to hurt you."

At first Kurt laughs, but then he understands that he means what he said. Offended, Kurt turns away.

* * *

"No, no listen-" Now as Kurt turned around, Blaine can see his back and how his backbone is clearly recognizable.

"You're so ... slender and I'm ... I'm afraid that you tear apart or collapse when we're having sex." Now he said it, he was honest. Gentle, he strokes Kurt's back and feels how this one is trembling.

"Kurt?"

Blaine leans forward, to Kurt and sees how he's crying.

"Kurt!"

Worried, he enfolds Kurt in his arms.

_You're right. I'm so weak and frail and pitiful._

"Please stop crying! I'm so sorry but ... that's how I feel."

Kurt ends the embrace and writes something down, still sobbing.

**And when I promise to not collapse or tear apart? Really, I'm fine. I feel perfect.**

Blaine laughs and strokes Kurt's cheek.

"You're cute."

_Don't wanna be cute._

Kurt takes Blaine's hand, guides it to his mouth and starts to lick Blaine's forefinger.

"Holy shit."

Rapidly, Blaine pulls his hand away and feels how his dick hardens.

_**Oh no!**_

Kurt stopped crying, bends over to his boyfriend and kisses him gentle while his hands are scanning Blaine's waist. Blaine can't escape from Kurt's tenderness and feels how his heart races. Then Kurt's hands move down to Blaine's belt and try to open it.

* * *

"No, no, no, no, no ... stop it, okay? Just stop it!"

_Hold me back!_

Kurt opens the belt and shoves his tongue into Blaine's mouth, what makes Blaine's blood boiling.

"Stop it ...," Blaine mumbles, trying to make himself think what he says. Kurt presses his body against Blaine's and strokes his ass.

Suddenly, Blaine seizes power and pushes Kurt away, holding his upper arms, tightly.

_**Shove him away.**_

_**Shove him away!**_

_**SHOVE**_

_**HIM**_

_**AWAY!**_

Blaine leans forward and presses Kurt into the mattress.

"It's your fault. I tried to resist ... your fault!"

Kurt feels Blaine's body upon his own and how Blaine's tongue slips down his chest. He clenches a fist while he closes his eyes.

_Oh god._

He can feel how his dick swells and his body temperature rises.

_Blaine ... Blaine._

Suddenly Blaine stops licking him and jumps up.

_No! Please, come back!_

Blaine walks to the door and Kurt gives up any hope that he'll come back, but right before the door, Blaine stops and locks it.

Kurt's heart skips a beat, while he just can focus on his boyfriend and how he turns around, so damn good-looking and smirking.

"I guess ... at least I tried."

Kurt laughs nervously as Blaine starts to walk to him.


	23. You don't have to say it

Slowly, Blaine reaches the bed and stares down to Kurt, who lies on his back, resting upon his elbows. The buckle between his legs became bigger and now Blaine knows that he's horny.

_**Okay, okay ... keep calm!**_

With a racing heart, he doffs his shoes and socks and puts them next to the bed, heavy breathing with every movement he makes. Then he regards Kurt again.

_**Kurt.**_

Suddenly, Blaine gets on the bed and crawls to his boyfriend, grinning. But before Blaine can reach Kurt, this one tucks up his legs, so that Blaine has to stop and kneel in front of him.

"What you're doing?"

Blaine laughs and puts a hand on Kurt's knee.

_That's the point. I have no idea what to do._

Nimbly, Kurt wants to stretch his legs again, but Blaine's in his way, so he starts to look around, searching for a place for his legs.

_Shit ... they're in the way._

Again, Blaine laughs, what makes Kurt even more nervous.

"Hey!"

Kurt eyes Blaine, who straightens himself, straddling his legs, so Kurt shoves his legs through Blaine's thighs and tries to relax but he can't. His heart is close to exploding and his blood boils. Blaine slips upwards and lets his body sink onto Kurt's hips. He bends down to kiss Kurt, but this one turns away and reaches for his notebook.

_**That damn notebook.**_

Blaine sits on Kurt and circles around Kurt's nipples with his fingers, impatiently like a child. Then Kurt holds out his note, completely blushed.

* * *

**You need to say what you want me to do.**

Blaine smiles, takes the notebook and puts it away.

"I want you," he whispers, bends down and kisses Kurt.

"I want you to stop interrupting me."

Suddenly Kurt's even more aroused and his cock swells more, what Blaine feels under his own woody. He rips off his own shirt and starts to lick his boyfriend's nipples.

_**My god, he tastes so good ...**_

Kurt's body tenses up, while he clenches two fists, heavy breathing. Blaine, stops caressing him, smirking.

"Relax, honey!"

_Shit ..._

Kurt tries to slack off his legs, but then Blaine does this thing again and Kurt feels so aroused that he just has to tense up. Again, Blaine ends to lick him and strokes Kurt's neck instead.

"Kurt when ..." Blaine drops his gaze, takes a breath and looks to Kurt again, "when something hurts you ... or you don't like it, just ... raise your hand or ... pinch me."

Kurt wants to smile, but Blaine's tongue in his mouth prevents it. Suddenly, Blaine sits up.

"I'm such a dork. I don't have lube with me!"

Laughing, Kurt points to his bed stand. Blaine looks at it.

"Do you want to say, that you have some?"

Kurt nods, smirking, what arouses Blaine so much that his dick presses against his jeans now, longing for freedom. Blaine turns to the bed stand and opens it. The first thing he sees is a shirt, he takes it and puts it on the bed.

* * *

_The shirt!_

Then Blaine catches a sight of the lube, grips it and shows it to Kurt, smirking.

"Look what I found!"

Kurt nods his head, eagerly but seems distracted.

_Put the shirt away and don't recognize it!_

Blaine raises his brows, but takes the shirt, wants to put it back, then he holds back.

"Isn't this the shirt, I wore Friday night?"

_Damn._

Kurt shrugs his shoulders, trying to look calm, but Blaine squeezes the cloth a bit and wonders why it was in his bed stand and also that kind of rumpled.

_**Doesn't look washed.**_

Blaine looks down to Kurt.

"You ... didn't wash it, did you?"

Kurt would like to run away, but since Blaine is sitting on him ...

Slowly, he shakes his head.

"Kurt did you-?"

Blaine isn't able to end the question.

_**He kept it.**_

_**He kept the shirt, I wore.**_

_**Maybe he smelled at it ... cuddled with it ... or more.**_

"You have no idea ... no idea ... what you do to me."

Blaine throws the shirt away, jumps up and yanks off his jeans and shorts so quickly that Kurt can't even manage to watch him properly. Then he crawls to Kurt, smirking.

"You do bad things to me, Kurt ... bad things ..."

He approaches, while Kurt has the feeling to die because of Blaine's hotness.

_Can't stand it. I can't-_

Then Blaine grips the waistband of Kurt's shorts and sucks them down.

"... what makes me wanting to do bad things to you, in return."

_Holy crap._

* * *

Suddenly, Kurt's afraid of everything, tucks up his legs and covers his hard cock with both hands, blushing.

"Hey, that's mean ... you already saw mine."

_Shit, shit, shit._

Kurt feels his heartbeat in his head, his pulse in his whole body and strengthens his grip.

"Kurt," Blaine says, begging for his boyfriend to finally let him touch his everything. He lays his hands upon Kurt's knees and guides them to their insides.

_God, don't do this!_

Suddenly, Blaine pulls Kurt's legs apart, holds them, slides close to Kurt's ass, straddle-legged and drops his legs upon his own thighs.

Kurt's gaze is filled with despair, fear, but also a damn hot desire, so that Blaine bends forward and kisses him again.

"Show me your cock ... please ... I beg you!"

Precariously, Kurt stares to Blaine and takes his hands away, slowly.

_**Oh my god.**_

Blaine stares down to the biggest, most beautiful dick he ever saw.

"Kurt ... he ... he's enormous."

* * *

Kurt can't manage to look into Blaine's eyes and averts his gaze, hiding his face with a hand, but Blaine takes it away.

"Look at me!"

_I can't!_

"I said, look at me!"

Blaine's voice is forceful, so Kurt turns his head to him. His boyfriend takes Kurt's right hand and puts them onto his chest.

"Do you feel how much I want you?"

Blaine's heart is racing and as Kurt looks up to his eyes, he feels lost.

_I want you, too ..._

Firmly, Blaine squeezes Kurt's hand.

"I never wanted someone more than you ... and I know there's no one, I could ever want more than you."

Blaine kisses Kurt, starts to lick his nipples again and giggles as he feels Kurt's tenseness. He guides his tongue down to Kurt's crotch where he stops for a second to make himself believe that this is real. Then he licks Kurt's balls and that extremely hard flesh.

* * *

Lustfully and heavy breathing, Kurt clenches two fists and stares up to Blaine, whose tongue makes the places where it touches Kurt's dick feeling hot and almost painful.

While Blaine's sucking Kurt's dick and suffers from his own tenseness as he watches how Kurt screws up his face, he thinks about what to do.

_**Giving him a blow job and making him come?**_

He sucks the head and closes his eyes.

_**Need to fuck him.**_

Slightly, he presses Kurt's balls and licks the hard flesh.

_**Tastes so good ...**_

As he opens his eyes again, still with Kurt's cock in his mouth, Kurt is looking at him. He is looking at him with contracted brows and a trembling ribcage. Blaine can't help, he drops the dick, grabs Kurt's hip and pulls him closer to him.

"Kurt, I ... I need to feel you ... I need to ... would it be okay when I ..."

Blaine knows it's egoistic wanting to fuck him while he's sucking his dick, but he isn't as good in giving blow jobs anyway and Kurt would also come that way.

"... when I just ... skip this part?"

Relieved, Kurt nods his head. Since Blaine started to suck him, Kurt felt like he'd going to die. And it felt ... embarrassing and he just wasn't okay with being the only one who feels good in this way. Blaine pulls Kurt even closer so that he's in the perfect position to shove into him.

* * *

Gentle, Blaine kneads Kurt's butt cheeks, the only piece of Kurt's body where not only skin and bones are.

_**That ass ... someday I'll fuck him from behind.**_

But now Blaine has to focus, he looks to Kurt, who averts his gaze.

Silently, Blaine bends to him, grips his neck and kisses him.

"I want you to look at me."

So Kurt turns his head and stares to Blaine who licks his own forefinger, grinning.

_God._

Kurt wants to hide his face, but Blaine grasps his hands and puts them down. Now he licks his forefinger again and guides them to Kurt's ass.

_No. No. Nonono._

Kurt tenses his body and stares at his boyfriend who touches parts of his body, no one ever did before.

* * *

Kurt's look is priceless. He is ashamed and scared but randy at the same time and Blaine is at that point where he can't think of something else than to fuck his handsome boyfriend.

"Put my fingers in, okay?"

Kurt looks at him in disbelieve and doesn't respond, so Blaine lays his forefinger upon Kurt's hole and presses his finger in, then he also takes his middle finger and starts to move.

Kurt really tried to hold Blaine's gaze but as he feels his finger inside of him, he throws back his head, closes his eyes and puts his hand upon his mouth, to not moan, totally forgetting that he isn't able to. The other hand is clenched and Kurt's dick hardens even more, although he thought that this isn't possible.

Suddenly, Blaine pulls his fingers out.

_Dear god ..._

Kurt opens his eyes, as he hears how Blaine opens the lube. Now he's slathering his hard cock with it and looks up. Although Kurt already saw Blaine when this one is horny, he never saw this expression. Blaine's eyes are widened, and seem black, being sick for touching Kurt. Blaine drops his gaze and takes his dick into his right hand, pressing him against Kurt's hole. Although Blaine made an effort to widen Kurt's hole with his fingers, it's pretty difficult to get in, so he uses all his strength and presses his body against it. He lets out a tormented groan as he finally arranges to get in.

* * *

"Oh god, oh god."

Kurt would like to slap Blaine for moaning that loud, _think of dad!_, but he isn't able to move.

Blaine writhes under the closeness, he feels with his boyfriend.

"Kurt you're so damn tight, it-", he takes deep breaths, "it's killing me."

He pulls his dick a bit out and shoves it into Kurt with all his might. Kurt moans noiseless and tenses his body every time Blaine shoves into him, feeling the rubbing, which drives him crazy.

"Hmm ..." Blaine finds a rhythm, he can stand and fucks his boyfriend as hard as he can, while he starts trembling by himself.

"God, Kurt ..."

Suddenly, Blaine stops moving and gasps because of his exertion and randiness.

* * *

"I ..."

He starts to caress Kurt's groin and then his cock.

"I'm that close to ... but I don't want it to be over so fast!"

Kurt nods, but takes Blaine's hands away from his dick.

_I'm also close to come._

Kurt uses this moment to regard Blaine. His head is bowed and stares down to –_ my dick?_ Blaine's body is coated with sweat and his curls are a mess, a lovely mess. But now Kurt needs more, he needs everything Blaine is able to give him, so he clasps Blaine's body with his legs and presses himself against Blaine's crotch, what lets him moan.

"Ohhh god ... yeah ... yeah, you're right!"

* * *

Blaine presses his dick into Kurt faster and faster, grasping his hips, while shoving into him. Soon, he starts to tremble again, but keeps going on and the slightly vibration makes Kurt's heart racing and his dick so hard that it hurts. Blaine stares to him while he's pressing the fragile body into the mattress again and again. Then Kurt closes his eyes and comes all over his stomach.

_God._

Blaine lays his fingers into the liquid and levigates it.

"Kurt."

Again, he grips his hips and shoves into him as hard as he can, while he's moaning.

Suddenly, he feels a hand on his mouth, but he still makes those 'mhhhs', same loud as without Kurt's hand, so he takes it away again.

_Dad already knows what we're doing ... it's obvious._

Although Kurt just came, his dick swells again while Blaine is fucking him. At this point, Kurt can't keep his eyes open, he is overwhelmed by Blaine's everything. Blaine tries to thrust as deep into Kurt as he can, a few last times, then he also can't hold back and fills him up with his cum.

* * *

Silently, Blaine pulls out and sinks next to Kurt, without touching him.

_**DEAR GOD IN HEAVEN!**_

He is still breathless and turns his head to Kurt, who is staring at the ceiling.

"You okay?"

Kurt looks at him.

_Okay?_

_More than okay._

He smiles and wants to huddle up to Blaine, but stops and looks at his stomach.

_What a mess!_

"Wait, I'm making you clean!"

Eagerly, Kurt shakes his head, but Blaine licks away his cum, anyway.

"You taste damn good ..."

This situation is unpleasant, but arousing and Kurt knows, if he hadn't come just this minute, he would get a boner right now.

Blaine lies on his back again and puts his arm around Kurt.

* * *

Kurt stares at Blaine's chest, which is coated with sweat. He lays his finger on his chest and levigates it, like Blaine levigated Kurt's cum.

_I love you._

Kurt looks up to Blaine, realizing that this one watched him. Blaine gives him a smile, but it vanishes as he sees how Kurt moves his lips, like he wanted to say something.

_I love you._

_I love you._

_I want to say it._

_I want you to hear it._

_I want you to know._

Kurt says the three words, but he makes no sound.

"What is it?"

Depressed, Kurt averts his gaze.

"Hey!"

Blaine grips Kurt's head and turns it to him, seeing the tears in his eyes.

"Fool," he whispers and smiles, while Kurt furrows his brows.

_What?_

Blaine holds Kurt's nape and strokes his waist with the other hand, while he stares into his eyes, feeling the everlasting connection between them.

"You don't have to say it ..."

Kurt's eyes widen, while Blaine lays his forehead upon Kurt's.

"... I know it anyway," he whispers and plants a kiss.

Kurt stares at his boyfriend in disbelieve, who takes Kurt's hand and puts it upon his chest, what he likes to do, to make Kurt feel his heartbeat.

"I love you, too."


	24. Addicted

| *Hello there!

After reading my last chapter I thought: gosh that would be a cute ending! But ever since I wrote the first chapter, I have 'that end' in my mind, I can't stop thinking of it ... So you can see the first 23 chapters as a beginning and I want Kurt and Blaine to go through some stuff, before the story ends. They're a couple of confessions, mistakes and apologies, which I want to happen. ;) Anyway, enjoy it and let me know what you think about it!

x aida*|

* * *

Blaine's alarm clock rings and sighing, he reaches for his phone and ends the noise.

_**Holy crap.**_

Blaine feels so tired and exhausted – then he sees Kurt, who lies on one side. The blanket covers him just to his hip, so his back is showing. Grinning, Blaine approaches and presses his body against Kurt, embracing him tight.

"I know you're awake!"

Kurt smiles with closed eyes and enjoys to feel Blaine's warm body. Gently, Blaine kisses Kurt's neck and lays his forehead against it.

"We need to get up!"

_Don't want to ..._

Blaine starts stroking Kurt's back and guides his hand downwards.

"When you don't get up ..."

He reaches Kurt's butt and starts to knead his buttcheeks, which suddenly tense up, what makes Blaine's face smirk and his dick hard.

"... we could take a mental health day and cuddle a bit."

* * *

Abruptly, Kurt turns around and sits up, blushing and looks to Blaine.

_No way._

Blaine laughs and grips Kurt's waist, pulling himself up and brings his body closer to his boyfriend, wanting to kiss him. But Kurt pulls away and stands up, smirking.

_**Damn you!**_

Blaine wants to complain but gets interrupted by his own laugh, as he sees how Kurt collapses and stands up again, holding his hips.

_They're aching so much ... is that normal?_

He looks to Blaine, who regards his naked body lecherously. Quickly, Kurt walks to his wardrobe and puts on shorts, showing Blaine his back.

"Sometimes it hurts after it ..."

Blaine turns around, to watch him.

"... you know, when it's been a while."

Kurt doesn't respond and continues with dressing himself, then he feels how Blaine hugs him from behind.

"Hope you don't regret it," he whispers into his ear and Kurt drops his head smiling.

_How could I ever regret something, I did with you?_

* * *

They enter the school, hand holding. It's been important to Blaine, that everybody knows that they're together. Blaine squeezes Kurt's hand and accompanies him to his locker, where he kisses his cheek.

"Everybody knows that I hit Tom and when they see us together, I hope they let you be – because I'm deterrent," Blaine said laughing, as they were driving to school.

"And also, they should know that you belong to me ... and that you're mine."

Actually, Kurt would've felt touched, but as he watched Blaine, he was wondering about his serious expression.

_Creepy._

Now, they're standing next to Kurt's locker and Blaine bends to Kurt again.

"I'm proud of you," he whispers, smiling and leaves.

* * *

He enters the room.

_Breathe!_

Staring on the ground, he makes his way to his chair and sits down. Suddenly, he is surrounded by his class mates.

_Oh no! The time has come. Now they're gonna beat me up!_

"We want to say sorry, Kurt!"

In disbelieve, Kurt stares at them.

_What?_

"We mean ... it was horrible to let them bully you, not only Tom. We knew that they were cruel to you, but we thought that you can defend yourself, you know ... but after your operation-" The guy stops talking and stares to the others, not knowing how to continue.

"We're sorry that Tom was cruel to you on Monday and we promise to keep an eye on you."

They're smiling and Kurt sits there, with raised brows and crossed arms.

"Hey, what is going on?"

Kurt knows that voice.

"What you're doing with Kurt?"

Michelle runs to her class mates and looks around.

"Seriously?"

"Well we," one starts to speak,"we said sorry."

Michelle looks to Kurt, who nods his head. She takes her bag and puts it on the seat next to Kurt, where Tom has been.

"That's my seat, now!"

Step-by-step the students go to their places and sit down, waiting for the lesson to start.

* * *

Michelle bends to Kurt.

"I'm glad you're back."

**Me too** – he writes and smiles at her.

**And thanks for helping Blaine. If it weren't for you, I'd still be sitting in my room, being afraid of Tom.**

She smiles.

"But from now on, I want meet you again, like we used to!"

Kurt regards her, smiling and nods.

_She changed._

Michelle used to be a reluctant and shy girl, now she seems to be confident.

* * *

During break Blaine wants to meet Kurt, but he stops as he sees him with Michelle at his locker. She's talking and Kurt smiles.

_**Why is he smiling?**_

Suddenly, Blaine feels sad by the thought that he isn't the only one who is able to make Kurt happy.

_**Did he smiled like this as we were together?**_

Then he stares at Michelle.

_**I didn't like her from the start.**_

Suddenly, she lays her hand upon Kurt's shoulder, pretending to remove a lint.

_**Don't touch him!**_

Blaine wants to go to them, but then he remembers that a person once said - When two persons look each other in the eyes for more than 5 seconds, they either love or hate each other -

Blaine crosses his arms and watches them, while he starts counting.

_**1**_

Michelle's mouth moves furthermore and Kurt looks to her.

_**2**_

She starts to smile again, like he does.

_**3**_

Both start laughing.

_**4**_

She blinks at him, while he still smiles.

_**What the fuck? Why are you blinking at my boyfriend?**_

_**5**_

Blaine's heart races. He knows that he can't just make up a balance because of a silly phrase, but he needs to know ...

Michelle still smiles to Kurt, while he turns his gaze to the locker and takes something out.

_**Yes!**_

_**6**_

_**That bitch is still watching my boyfriend!**_

* * *

Then Blaine walks to them, almost running.

"Hey, ya," he says, takes Kurt's hand and plants a kiss. Kurt stares at him, annoyed and pulls his hand away.

_Did you forget what we say? Think of the guy on the street ..._

"I'm sorry, I know we don't want to provoke somebody, but ..."

He takes Kurt's hands again and grins.

"... you looked so hot, I just had to kiss you."

Kurt blushes a bit, and looks briefly to Michelle, like he wants to say sorry, feeling kind of awkward, while Blaine is approaching furthermore.

Then, Kurt lays his hand upon Blaine's chest, shoving him away.

"Well, what's school like?"

Kurt nods and scribbles something down.

**Surprisingly good. They apologized.**

Blaine smiles.

"That's good news."

And he comes closer again, wanting to kiss him, but Kurt's angry look holds him back.

"Okay, I'm going, but give me at least a hug."

Kurt smiles and hugs Blaine, who closes his eyes and inhales Kurt's scent. Then he turns his head to Michelle gives her a warning gaze.

_**He's mine.**_

Michelle didn't saw that expression coming.

He must be kidding! Does he really stare at me, while hugging Kurt?

Disgusting, she thinks and stares back.

He treats Kurt like he'd be his possession, which he has to defend ...

They end the embrace and Blaine leaves.

* * *

Blaine stayed silent the whole drive, what's strange for him.

They enter Kurt's house and Blaine runs to the fridge.

"I want you to eat something!"

Kurt follows him, shaking his head.

_No, dude._

"Here," Blaine says and holds out a sandwich to Kurt.

"There's just cheese on it. Nothing acidic or so ..."

Kurt turns around and walks up the stairs.

A few minutes later, Blaine also enters the room with a plate of sandwiches.

_Stubborn person._

Kurt sits on his bed, watching TV and Blaine sits down, next to him, shoving the plate to him.

"I don't like your 'best friend'."

He disgorges the last two words with so much anger, that Kurt turns his face to Blaine, worried.

_How can someone not like her?_

Blaine drops his gaze and takes a sandwich while Kurt is searching for his notebook.

**Thought she helped you yesterday?**

Blaine nods, chewing his sandwich.

"She did."

Kurt stares at Blaine, who averts his gaze. It's horrible for Kurt, that his boyfriend doesn't like his best friend, but he doesn't want to loose her ... not after they're finally close again.

* * *

**We wanted to go to cinema today.**

"What?"

Blaine almost choke on his food.

_What's wrong about that?_

"Why?"

Kurt shrugs his shoulders.

**I want to see her.**

It's not only that it seems to Blaine, that Kurt rather spends time with someone else, it's also the fact that this creepy girls is into him. And that drives Blaine crazy, so he stares to the wall, until Kurt is showing him a note again.

**Do you want to come with us?**

"No, thanks ... I don't want to bother you. I mean ... I'm just your boyfriend."

Kurt sighs.

_That's what you meant with - living with you is kind of a challenge._

Intently, he slides to Blaine and starts to stroke his neck and kiss his temples.

_**His kisses are still that kind of gentle and soothing not demanding, like kisses of a child.**_

_**Hope you keep that kind of kissing.**_

Then Kurt writes something again.

**Just three hours. Then I'll be back.**

_**And after you're back, your so exhausted that you don't want me to touch you ... **_

Kurt's wondering about Blaine's saturnine look.

* * *

_What is it?_

"You mean, now it's 6 p.m, the movie starts at 8, but you're going earlier, of course. Before you're going, you want to do homework, to catch up all the stuff you missed. And after two hours, and when you're home it's about 10 or 11? And we have to get up early the next morning?"

_**Don't you have any time for me?**_

Kurt can't hold back his laugh and writes something down.

**Sex-addicted?**

Blaine's heart races as he reads the note.

"No, ... no, it's not the sex, I'm addicted to."

He bends to Kurt and runs his fingers through Kurt's hair.

"I'm addicted to you."

Blushing, Kurt averts his gaze.

_No matter what I try, you always baffle me and I'm ending up, not knowing what to respond._

Blaine strokes Kurt's neck with a hand and Kurt's back with the other one, leaning forward.

"Kiss me!"

Surprised, Kurt looks to his boyfriend.

_Usually, you're the one who kisses me._

"Please ... I like when you kiss me."

Blaine's eyes seem black again and Kurt knows that he'll lose his control when he gets involved with Blaine's tenderness. So, Kurt approaches and closes his eyes, slowly. Then he kisses Blaine's forehead.

"Nononono! Kiss me properly!"

Blaine pulls Kurt to him and kisses him wildly, while he's shoving his hands under Kurt's jeans and grips his butt, heavily breathing

_Okay, stop it. Stop it!_

Kurt pulls away and leaves the bed, blushed.

**Doing homework** – he writes, takes his bag and walks downstairs into the living room, since there's no table in his own room.

* * *

After a hour, Kurt enters his bedroom again and finds Blaine sleeping.

_Cute._

During he did schoolwork, he was hoping that Blaine would just walk to him, sit down, hug him and say that everything's okay. But he didn't.

Kurt walks to his wardrobe and takes out a jacket. He watches his handsome boyfriend while he's dressing himself.

To be honest, Kurt also would've liked to spend the evening with his boyfriend, but it's not healthy spending too much time together. And he really wants to see Michelle again ...

So he steps to Blaine, covers him properly and kisses his cheek. He walks to the door, but stands still. Then he rips out a paper of his notebook and writes something down.

**I love you.**

Gently, he places the note next to Blaine's head, so that he has to see it, when he awakes.

_Have to hurry up._

But as he stands in the door frame, his stomach starts to ache.

Abruptly, he turns around, takes the note away, rips it up and throws it into the wastebasket.


	25. Rest of their lifes

|* Hey,

first of all thanks for all your funny and cute reviews! Made me almost cry ... After this chapter I plan to do a time leap. BAAM, ten years later!

:P

... no, just three or four weeks. So enjoy it!

x aida *|

* * *

As Blaine wakes up, it's shortly after 10. He turns on the TV and watches a silly show and the clock by turns.

_**Stop it! He's just watching a movie with a friend. She's in love with him. But he loves you! And is gay, anyway. He loves you, Anderson! Stop being insanely jealous.**_

Then he scans the bed.

_**Maybe he left me a message ...**_

But as he finds nothing, he leans back, takes a sandwich and eats it.

* * *

Kurt hurried up like crazy to be home early and as he enters the bedroom, Blaine just stares at him, pouting like a child, what makes Kurt grin.

Blaine turns off the TV and sits up.

"Thought you'd leave me at least a note or something ..."

He crosses his arms and watches how his boyfriend slowly walks to him, pulling out a red rose from behind his back and holds it out to Blaine. Smiling, he takes it and Kurt sits down next to him, writing something while Blaine sniffs at the flower.

**Hadn't enough money for a whole flower bouquet.**

Blaine laughs, lays the rose on the bed stand and turns to Kurt.

**Still mad at me?**

Pursing his lips, Kurt stares at him, and looks so cute while doing this, that Blaine just has to kiss him.

* * *

"I'm not mad at you. I'm just envious of anybody who spends time with you."

Gently, Blaine strokes Kurt's nape and regards his blue eyes, while thinking about whether he should say it or not.

"I think Michelle," mumbling, he averts his gaze,"I think she's in love with you."

Surprised, Kurt laughs out and Blaine gives him an angry look.

"I'm serious! I watched her today!"

Kurt raises his brows.

**We know each other for ages!**

"That doesn't rule out that she has feelings for you!"

Annoyed, Kurt stands up and starts changing his clothes.

"She looks at you like she'd eat you up any second!"

Kurt doffs his shirt and puts on another one.

_**If he wanted to get intimate, he would stay undressed.**_

Blaine sighs and stares out of the window.

"She's pretty, isn't she?"

Then he feels a cold hand on his neck, who starts sliding downwards to stroke his back. With a sigh, he closes his eyes and waits for Kurt to do something, anything.

* * *

Relieved, he starts to smirk as he feels Kurt's lips on his temples, on his cheek and later on his neck. Quickly, he turns around, grips Kurt's right arm and pulls him on the bed.

_You're really challenging._

Blaine stares down to his boyfriend, who lies on his back, wearing a shirt and shorts.

_**He interrupted dressing himself to comfort me. Cute ... hot.**_

Slowly, Blaine's fingers slide over Kurt's body while his eyes remain on Kurt's.

"I just can't stand the thought that someone else ... is with you ... touches you the way I was the first you allowed to do."

Blaine strokes Kurt's cheek.

"And I want to be the last you allow to love you in this way."

Kurt's heart races while he stares to Blaine, he guides his gaze through the room.

_Notebook?_

Blane sees it and hands it over to Kurt, lying down next to him.

**Even though, Michelle's in love with me, what isn't the case – that changes nothing between us.**

He stops writing.

_Shall I write down, that I love him?_

_It's important for him to know ..._

_But he said he knows it anyway?_

So he looks to Blaine, who stares at the note, feeling unsatisfied with the message.

Kurt muses about what to do.

_Distract him ..._

Slowly, Kurt bends over to Blaine, starting to kiss him. He lays his left hand on Blaine's waist, forcing it to slide deeper to his belt.

* * *

"Wait!"

Kurt stops and regards his boyfriend.

"It's important that there's nothing between us, I want to clarify it."

In wonderment, Kurt sits up and turns his gaze to Blaine.

"I really really ...," Blaine stops and stares out of the window.

"I really care about you." He faces Kurt, looking insecure and nervous.

"My problem is that I want to spend -"

Again, he stops and avoids looking to Kurt, but this one takes his hand and holds it tight.

_Go on!_

"I know we're young and callow ... especially me. Sometimes I act like a child and -"

_Sometimes?_

Kurt smiles.

"- and I know that most people find their 'person' just at an older age, but you're here. I found you."

With raised brows, Kurt watches him and his heart almost skips a beat, as Blaine looks at him again, teary-eyed.

"I want to spend the rest of my life with you and I need to know what you think about it."

* * *

The only sound Kurt can hear is his heartbeat.

_Dear god, what to respond?_

_Nothing I could write down would be equal with that what Blaine said._

Gently, he takes Blaine's right hand and guides it to his chest, where he puts it down. Blaine's eyes widen as he feels Kurt's heart and sees how he looks at him.

Blushed but certain about everything. The way he took Blaine's hand – like Blaine always does with him – makes Blaine really happy and aroused.

Suddenly, Blaine approaches to Kurt and pushes him on his back, while he sits down on Kurt's hip, wildly kissing him.

* * *

He doffs Kurt's shirt and stares down at his boyfriend's upper body, suddenly feeling the urge to shove a piece of chocolate into Kurt's mouth. Quickly, he reaches for a sandwich and holds it out to Kurt.

"Open your mouth!"

Kurt can't even look as angry as he wants to, while he feels taken back to their first date, in which Blaine wanted to feed him like now.

"C'mon. It's been days since you ate something!"

_For reasons ..._

Eagerly, he shakes his head, but Blaine grips it and kisses him, while he opens Kurt's mouth with his tongue. Kurt can't keep his mouth closed when he feels Blaine's tongue, he needs it and can't resist. Quickly, Blaine pulls away and shoves an angle of the sandwich into Kurt's still open mouth, grinning.

_Screw you!_

Kurt lets out a sigh, bites a piece off and chews it, while Blaine stares at him triumphantly.

_Maybe this time everything goes well. Just cheese, white bread, easily digested ..._

So he swallows it and waits until he feels how the food reaches his stomach. Everything is okay and Kurt sighs with relief, but then it starts aching, he feels the nausea and tries to shove Blaine away, pressing both hands against his own mouth.

Blaine jumps up and watches how Kurt runs to the bathroom.

Worried, he follows him and sees how he vomits.

* * *

**_Shit!_**

"Kurt," he screams and sinks down next to him, stroking his back.

_Dear god, Blaine! Could you just leave?_

Kurt averts his gaze, tries to press Blaine away with his arm, but then he has to vomit again. At pains, he holds his stomach, while tears are running down his face.

"I'm so sorry Kurt!"

_Go away!_

But Blaine still strokes Kurt's back and doesn't think about to leave. Then Kurt operates the toilet, stands up and starts to brush his teeth.

"We're go to the doctor's on Saturday! No back talk!"

Kurt sees how Blaine watches him through the mirror.

_Great!_

_Would you look at me with more compassion, please?_

_That's exactly what I need._

* * *

Kurt leaves the bathroom and puts on his shirt again, then he lies down and covers himself. He feels how Blaine enters the bed and crawls to him.

"Does it still hurt?"

With a sigh, Kurt shakes his head.

_It hurts that you saw my weakness once again._

He feels how Blaine slides under the blanket and embraces him from behind.

"I'm sorry."

_Not your fault._

Blaine's hands are stroking Kurt's chest and suddenly slide above Kurt's upper body down to his crotch, but Kurt grips Blaine's hands, to hold him back.

_Not now, not after that._

* * *

Blaine would like to touch Kurt's dick and knows he would make it, since he's much more stronger than him, but his arms remain upon Kurt's chest.

Suddenly, Blaine loosens the embrace and turns away. He closes his eyes, trying to calm down and feels how Kurt nestles up to him and lays his head upon Blaine's chest. Blaine kisses his forehead and strokes his arm.

"I'm sorry for being horny again, but since we're together, I have the feeling that my testes are under permanent stress!"

Kurt laughs and feels suddenly better, less giddy, but also aroused. Slowly, he guides his hand down to Blaine's crotch where he feels a hard buckle and lays it down.

"Holy crap, Kurt! Don't provoke me!"

But as Blaine looks to Kurt, all he can see is the smirk on his face.

"Changed your mind?"

Seductively, Kurt nods his head and gets pressed into the mattress as Blaine leans against him. He starts to kiss his nape and sucks Kurt's earlobe.

"I love you," he whispers shortly before he takes off his own shirt and looks down to Kurt, who smiles.

_I love you, too._


	26. Doubts

Slowly, Blaine opens his eyes and feels very tired. The sun is shining into Kurt's bedroom.

_**Damn you sun!**_

Blaine can only sleep when it's completely dark so he turns his head to the left.

_**Kurt.**_

He lies with his back to Blaine and his naked shoulders are showing. Blaine wants to pull up the blanket, but stops as he catches a sight of Kurt's backbone.

_**He gets thinner, more and more.**_

Gingerly, he covers his sleeping boyfriend, gazes into the distance and thinks about the meeting he had yesterday with his sister.

* * *

They walked around in the park, after Blaine picked Alice up after school.

"I miss you Blaine," she whispered and looked at her brother, teary-eyed. He crouched down to her, so that they were at the same height.

"Miss you too, sweetie!"

"It's horrible living alone with them ..."

Blaine stroked her hair affectionately.

"I know, but I'm afraid I can't help."

Sadly, Alice dropped her gaze and sighed.

"You can't just move out. You're thirteen ... but maybe you could spend a night with us sometime."

Her face lightened up.

"Really?"

"Yeah!"

_**When I'm able to convince dad and mum ...**_

"That means I'll meet your boyfriend. I never met one of your boyfriends!"

Blaine stood up, smiling.

"He's special."

* * *

They sat on a park bench and after a few minutes, Alice said something weird.

"What's ... having sex like?"

_**What the fuck?**_

"Why are you asking?"

"Most girls are talking about that kind of stuff in school and I don't know what to say. I don't want to ask mum, I can't ask dad ... and Cooper, well first – he's a dork and second – he likes girls. He would just tell me about his affairs with women and that's annoying ... You're my favorite brother, we also like the same gender. All the girls have boyfriends and I -"

"Listen sweetie," Blaine put his arm around her,"I don't think that you should find a boyfriend, just because most others have one. Look at me!"

Alice raised her gaze and looked to Blaine, seeming very sad.

"The most important thing is that you listen to your heart. I want you to become someone's girlfriend when you really really like him and not because he looks good or something like that. You understand?"

Alice raised her brows.

"You mean when I ... love the person?"

"That's the point. Having a relationship and sex – to answer your question – just works when you're in love with the other person. To make one thing clear - a boy who tries to urge you ... you know, to sleep with him, doesn't love you. I want you to stay strong and don't listen to the others."

Blaine took a deep breath.

"So you love your ... what was his name?"

"Kurt."

"So you love your Kurt?"

Blaine started grinning.

_**My Kurt ...**_

"I do."

"How do you know that?"

"I ... just know it."

Alice dropped her gaze again.

"But how does the person know ... that you're in love with him?"

"The easiest way is to say it. It's hard sometimes, but it's worth it."

"So you said to Kurt, that you love him?"

Slowly, Blaine felt annoyed by this conversation.

"I did."

"Kurt loves you too?"

"Yes."

"How do you know?"

* * *

Blaine looked at her like she'd just killed somebody.

"Since you told me that he can't talk ... Did he wrote it down?"

"No," Blaine laughed nervously,"they're other ways to show your love ..."

"So he addresses compliments to you?"

Blaine furrowed his brow, pensively.

"Uhm, that's ... that's not his nature ... I guess."

"Does he surprise you while giving you gifts?"

"Why you're asking me that kind of stuff, anyway?"

Blaine jumped up, yelling at her sister, who was close to crying.

"Sorry, sweetie," Blaine said and laid his hand upon her forehead.

"I'm sorry."

* * *

Now Blaine turns his gaze again to Kurt. It's Saturday ... the last three Saturdays, when Blaine wanted to go see a doctor, Kurt had always great excuses. During the week, they have always homework to do, so that they said they'll go on a Saturday.

Suddenly, Kurt starts moving and turns his front to Blaine, still sleeping.

_**On Monday, we're together for a month.**_

Blaine looks around.

Kurt cleared out pieces of his shelves, so that Blaine could put his stuff down.

_**Isn't that a kind of proof of love? I may live here ...**_

Thoughtfully, Blaine stands up and dresses himself, then he walks downstairs.

* * *

"Hey, Anderson!"

"Hey," Blaine mumbles, in a bad mood.

"I hope it doesn't bother you that I already started? I didn't know when you both wake up ... since I didn't know how long you stayed up."

Burt continues chewing a roll.

"No, it's okay. Everything is fine."

Slowly, Blaine sits down, watched by Burt.

"Something happened?"

Blaine shakes his head and starts eating.

"Yesterday, while you was meeting your sister, I could make Kurt eat a banana."

Surprised, Blaine raises his brows.

"And?"

"Same as always ... I always feel guilty when I see how he vomits. We really need to do something."

"Yeah, we said we'll go to the doctor's today."

Burt nods.

"That's good."

* * *

Suddenly Kurt runs down the stairs and walks to the kitchen, where Blaine and Burt are eating. Kurt is fully dressed and smiles, while he waves at them.

"Good morning," Burt says, but Blaine just stares at him.

"What are you up to?"

Blaine's voice is wobbly and Kurt shrugs his shoulders while he writes something down.

**Michelle and me wanted to go shopping.**

Blaine drops his roll.

"No!"

Burt watches both by turns, worried.

"No Kurt, no! We wanted to see a doctor for three weeks!"

**I already agreed with shopping.**

Angrily, Blaine jumps up.

"You meet that damn whore every Thursday! We need to see a doctor! That's more important!"

_Did you just call Michelle a whore?_

"Boys," Burt says and stands up,"calm down!"

Kurt and Blaine are looking at each other, furiously, then Blaine drops his gaze.

"Kurt," Burt means calmly, "Blaine is right when he says that we need to do something. It's been days since you didn't vomit your meal. And as much as I can remember it's been a piece of cheese."

_You're on his side?_

_... I don't want to see a doctor._

Kurt crosses his arms and turns around, walking to the door.

"Kurt!"

Blaine runs after him.

"Kurt, that isn't funny! It's not a game!"

But Kurt leaves the house without even turning around once.

* * *

Burt feels how the kitchen's temperature drops as Blaine enters the room again. He seems to be very depressed.

"We can go to the doctor's, when he's back again."

Blaine nods, but he doesn't listen.

"I'm gonna meet someone. You can call me when Kurt is back, so that I can go with you. It seemed to me that you both wanted to go alone but -"

"You meet someone?"

Burt nods.

"I'm really sorry for leaving you alone ..."

"No, it's okay. Seeing a doctor is not a big deal ... usually."

"Okay, but keep in mind -"

"I'll call you when something happens!"

Burt leaves and Blaine cleans up the kitchen.

* * *

The past weeks, Blaine tried to be less jealous. Kurt meets Michelle every week on Thursdays. It's been okay for Blaine, but meeting her now, after they could finally see a doctor seems like a typical excuse again. The past Saturdays Kurt had to study.

_**Okay he wasn't in school for a half year ...**_

Blaine walks upstairs and goes to the bathroom. Not the bathroom in Kurt's room, that's pretty small in contrast to the other one which is next to Burt's bedroom.

_**He wants to provoke me ... annoy me.**_

_**Showing me that I have no say.**_

Blaine enters the room, undresses himself and hops into the shower. While he feels how the warm water runs down his body, he has to think about Alice and the conversation they had.

Blaine spent half the night with thinking about the last nice message Kurt wrote down for Blaine. He remembers that he once wrote that Blaine looked cute during sleep ...

_**Stop it!**_

Blaine leans his forehead against the glass, feeling agonized.

_**Of course, he loves you.**_

But Blaine can't stop scanning his mind, in order to find other notes Kurt wrote, which show that he likes him. He doesn't want to be dubious about Kurt's feelings and hates himself for being it nonetheless.

* * *

_**You're horrible!**_

_**Didn't you say that you know it, by yourself?**_

He closes his eyes.

_**Sing your sorrows away!**_

It's been ages since Blaine sang a song. As he lived at his parents, he always sang in the shower. But since he met Kurt and knows that this one wanted to be a singer, he wasn't able to do so anymore. He doesn't want to bother his boyfriend. Doesn't want to show him his voice.

_**But he's not here yet ...**_

~ "I know I'm just a fool who's willing to sit around and wait for you. But baby can't you see there's nothing else for me to do ..." ~

_**Singing feels so good and relieving ...**_

_**How could I survive without music?**_

~ "I'm hopelessly devoted to you." ~

* * *

Kurt opens the front door. As he was walking to the place where they wanted to meet, he thought about what Blaine and his dad said.

_They were right._

Meeting Michelle this morning was an excuse to don't have to see a doctor. But Kurt doesn't want to be that kind of childish anymore. So he sent a message to Michelle to cancel their date and turned around, feeling sorry for treating Blaine like this. He hates arguing with him. The past three weeks were kinda peaceful and Kurt doesn't have a great mind spending their anniversary being mad at each other.

He walks upstairs and hears something strange.

~ "But now - there's nowhere to hide, " ~

_Blaine?_

~ "... since you pushed my love asiiiiiiiiide." ~

Kurt moves his head to the direction the sound comes from, walks to the bathroom and takes a deep breath as he stands in front of the door.

~ "IIII'm outta my heaaad ... hopelessly devoted to yoouuu." ~

Slowly, Kurt opens the door and sees his boyfriend's naked back as he stands in the shower and uses the shower head as a microphone.

~ "Hopelessly devoteeeed to youuu." ~

_He sings._

~ "Hopelessly devoted to -" ~

Blaine turns around and catches a sight of Kurt who is standing in the door frame.

" ... you," he mumbles with a racing heart.

_**Shit.**_


	27. Dispute

|* Heeey!

I like this chapter! :P Disputing Kurt and Blaine has something ... can't describe it! I just like it, hope you too?

I wrote kinda much the past days, but I really have to study for exams and so on ... Don't know whether I can make an upload the next ... two or three days. O_O

x aida *|

* * *

Unwantedly, Kurt is distracted by Blaine's body for a moment, but focuses his face again.

_He sounded good._

_Very good._

Blaine stops the water and a cloud of smog leaves the shower as he slides open the door. He stays there, while Kurt averts his gaze, with contracted brows.

"You're already back!"

_**And heard me.**_

Kurt doesn't respond, so Blaine decides to walk to him, still naked. He stands in front of Kurt, trying to make this one look at him, but Kurt stares into the distance.

"Did something happen?"

Gently, Blaine touches Kurt's cheek but this one hits his hand away, slaps Blaine's face and runs into his room.

"Kurt? What was that for? Hey!"

Blaine starts to run after him, but slips because of his wet feet and lands rudely on his back.

"Holy shit!"

He takes a towel, wraps it around his hip and walks to Kurt's room, cautiously. As he tries to open the door, he realizes that this one is locked.

_**Of course!**_

"Kurt?"

With might and main, Blaine bangs on the door.

"Kurt! Open that damn door!"

But nothing happens.

* * *

Blaine always thought that Kurt could never slap somebody, until now.

"Could you at least tell me why you slapped me? I don't think that I deserved that! And I also think that you owe me a talk."

He leans against the door and listens whether something moves. In fact he hears footsteps which approach to the door. Suddenly, Kurt opens the door and Blaine almost falls against his boyfriend, who holds out a note. Blaine watches Kurt, who stares back, angrily.

**You said you'll never hide anything from me! But you did! You're a liar!**

Blaine's hearts starts to race as he reads this.

Kurt turns around and walks to the window, followed by Blaine.

"I'm a liar? Just because I didn't told you that I like to sing? That's silly Kurt, silly!"

With crossed arms, Kurt is standing in front of Blaine, trying to look into his eyes, what is hard to when they're filled with that much rage.

"If I told you that I love to sing or that I want to be a singer, it would've changed everything."

Kurt's heart skips a beat.

_You want to be a singer?_

"You would've hated me!"

_What? No, sure not._

Eagerly, Blaine points at Kurt as this one shakes his head.

"Hated me for every sound I make and for every song I sing, since you aren't able to make any sound."

Kurt tries to fight back his tears, scribbling something down.

**I could never hate you because of your voice. I'm happy for you.**

Blaine laughs and averts his gaze.

"That's why you slapped me."

* * *

Everything seems going wrong, that's why Kurt's stomach starts aching, but he writes down a message. Today, Blaine isn't that kind of patient, crosses his arms and stares to Kurt.

**Like mentioned before, you lied to me. You were hiding your passion, your soul away. That's the most dishonest thing to do when you're in a relationship.**

"Oh, I'm sorry, I forgot that you know a lot about relationships, since you had that many!"

* * *

Only when he sees how tears are running down Kurt's face, Blaine starts to realize what he said. Slowly, he reaches out his hand in order to grip Kurt's neck, but this one clarifies his position as he averts his gaze so that Blaine grasps at nothing. Sorrowfully, he withdraws his hand.

"Don't act like you didn't hide something from me. You are same dishonest as me! In a different way but still ... not honest."

Kurt turns his face to Blaine, and sees that he's also teary-eyed.

_Why am I dishonest?_

"I told you that I love you."

_You must be kidding!_

"You never tell me how you feel about me."

Kurt wipes off his tears, and feels how his rage comes back, while he's writing something.

**I would also tell you, but just in case that you didn't recognized it until now – I can't talk.**

"That's not what I mean. You could write down much more stuff. But sometimes it seems to me that you like to play the poor boy whose dreams are over! You like to make a mystery out of yourself!"

**U CRAZY!**

Kurt wants to leave the room, but Blaine grips his arm and holds him back.

"And furthermore you act like a child! We said we wanted to see a doctor today, but you had to meet your 'best friend' ..."

_You said so that we should see a doctor._

"It's important to know what's wrong with you."

**Why do you think I came back?**

They stare at each other and Blaine has to think about that one thing, he is caught by, since yesterday.

"Seriously, what do you like about me?"

_At the moment? Not that much ..._

Eagerly, Kurt tries to free himself, but Blaine's grip just straightens. He hates when Blaine shows him how strong he is, what shows Kurt how weak he is. And the most horrible thing is that Blaine knows it.

* * *

"Kurt! I need to know how you feel. Sometimes I just sit there, watching you and have no clue what you're thinking about."

Slowly, Blaine loosens his grip and Kurt writes into his notebook.

**You said, you'd know it anyway.**

"That's true," Blaine calmed down a bit, "but now and then, I need some ... acknowledgement."

Kurt shakes his head and as more as Blaine calms down, he gets annoyed.

**What is sex for you? Just fun?**

Blaine gasps as he reads that note.

"No, of course not. But that's not the acknowledgement, I meant."

Kurt scans the ground and Blaine has no idea what he should say.

Suddenly, Blaine walks to the wardrobe and starts to dress himself. Kurt watches him and feels kind of strange. He holds his stomach and starts to question what he wrote down.

"I'm going for a walk ... Don't know when I'll be back."

As he leaves, Kurt's stomach aches even more and he can't fight back his tears. Sobbing, he stands at the window and watches how his boyfriend drives away.

_A walk ..._

* * *

His stomach just doesn't stop aching and he asks himself whether he should go into the bathroom and do the thing he didn't have to do for weeks or he should text Michelle.

_I stopped doing this._

_Don't want to do it again._

_I'm not a cutter._

So he takes his phone and texts Michelle.

- Do you have some time for me? Could use a best friend. -


	28. Michelle

Michelle rings the bell and Kurt opens immediately, tearstained.

"God Kurt! What ha-"

But even before she can finish her sentence, Kurt pulls her in, closes the door and hugs her so tight that Michelle feels how her heart skips a beat.

"Hey," she whispers and ends the embrace.

Kurt doesn't stop sobbing, so Michelle strokes his upper arms and sighs.

"Something with Blaine?"

As Kurt hears his name, more tears are running down his face.

"Uhm, I'll make us some tea and you'll go ahead into your room. Okay?"

Kurt nods and walks upstairs.

* * *

"You like peppermint, don't you?"

Michelle carries in a tray with a teapot and two cups on it. Kurt sits with his back to the wall and pretends to watch TV. He stopped crying, but his eyes are still watery. Slowly, Michelle doffs her shoes and sits down on Kurt's bed.

"That means you didn't see a doctor? Do you want that I accompany you?"

Eagerly, Kurt shakes his head and turns it to Michelle.

_Don't sit on the edge of the bed! Come here!_

After Kurt pointed to the place next to him, Michelle approaches and leans on Kurt's shoulder. Of course, she is curious to know what happened, but if Kurt wanted to tell her, he would write it down. Both are staring to the TV and after a few minutes, Kurt reaches for his notebook and starts writing.

Michelle watches how his hand moves and closes her eyes, while she inhales his scent.

Divine, she thinks and opens her eyes again, just shortly before Kurt stops writing and shoves the notebook to her.

* * *

**As I came home, he sang into the shower and he can sing! He once told me, that he can't. I was so furious, that I slapped him and then he got angry, too. I meant that he's dishonest and he said that I am ... He said a few things which were really offending. It was horrible – I never saw him that angry. Result: He questions my love for him.**

Michelle just shakes her head, in disbelieve.

"Why would he question your love? I mean he has eyes, he could use them."

Kurt drops his head and tries to blink back his tears. Michelle sits up, in order to look at her best friend, properly.

"He doesn't have any reason to question it, does he?"

Pensively, Kurt shrugs his shoulders.

"Did he say it to you," she averts her gaze,"you know, that he loves you?"

He nods.

"And you? Did you write it?"

Kurt bites his lips.

"Kurt?!"

Slightly, she slaps his arm, so that Kurt stares at her, totally surprised.

"Kurt, you jerk! Why? I mean I understand that saying those three words might be a challenge but writing them down? C'mon!"

* * *

Now, Kurt also sits up, writing something with an eager expression.

**It's harder than just saying it! When you say it, the other person says it back or not and the case is closed. If I wrote it down, he would stare at that damn note for minutes, I know he would do.**

Michelle guides her eyes away from the note and watches Kurt again.

"And what is bad about that?"

He raises his brows and writes again.

**Blaine would take the note and enframe it.**

Michelle laughs.

"Kurt, I really don't get your point!"

Kurt drops his gaze and sighs.

**Having a letter of somebody is a symbol of distance, in my opinion. I think you keep or enframe letters by persons, who are far away or already dead. I don't want him to enframe my love like a picture of the past holidays.**

Michelle gasps for air.

"Wow," she drops her gaze, "that's a point ... But Kurt, he needs to know that. I mean, you could show him what you just wrote and he would understand."

Worriedly, Kurt rips out the page and rips it up.

"You're such a child Kurt!"

**That's what Blaine says.**

Michelle laughs, but her smiles vanishes as Kurt starts to seem plagued again.

* * *

**How can I show that I love him?**

Her heart starts racing.

That asshole doesn't deserve you.

"I think every person who needs a proof of love is pretty stupid."

Kurt drops his gaze and nods but is still thinking about it.

Nobody deserves you ...

She smiles, stands up and pours the tea into the cups.

"When he needs a proof, apart from letting him live here, well ... what did you plan to do for your anniversary? It's on Monday, isn't it?"

Kurt nods, but his expression tells Michelle, that he has no idea how to surprise his boyfriend.

"Well, uhm," she turns around and hands a cup over to Kurt.

"Do you have any pictures of you both?"

Without hesitation, he nods his head and Michelle starts to smile.

"You could make a small video. Not too flamboyant, you know ... just a nice song, cute pictures, here and there a small text. And besides, he can't enframe the laptop."

Kurt watches her and starts to smile.

**You're perfect!**

Laughing, she sits down again.

**The crucial point is that I can't make such things. I have a program to do so, but ...**

"Okay, when do you think he'll come back? I'll help you."

* * *

Seeing those pictures hurts. It hurts that much that Michelle can almost feel how her heart is bleeding. She hates Blaine. She hates him ... No.

Michelle turns her head to Kurt who is lying next to her, both in front of the laptop. Kurt understood very quick what he has to do, so that Michelle just stares at the screen.

She really wants to hate Blaine. For a long time, she thought she was able to, but now as he regards those pictures, she realizes how happy Kurt seems. She never saw him that kind of pleased, not even before he lost his voice, which is saying something! At this moment, Michelle decides that one day, when the time has come, she would walk to Blaine and thank him. Thank him, for making the man she loves happy.

* * *

"I think it's great," she says as Kurt just saved the file.

**Yeah, hope he likes it ... hope he'll come back.**

Michelle laughs.

"How could he not came back?"

* * *

Now it's evening and they're sitting to the wall, watching a funny TV show. Kurt's arm is around Michelle and she feels so happy that he didn't cry the past hours. Slowly, she lays her hand upon his chest and feels how he lets his head sink upon hers. She closes her eyes and asks herself, since when she's in love with her best friend.

* * *

She moved to this city two years ago. As she came to school, a few weeks after the classes regular begun, Michelle wandered around and a guy wanted to show her the way. But while they were passing a door he nudged her in and locked the door. She was locked up in a broom closet for hours. Although she was screaming for help and knocked on the door, nobody helped her. The time went by and she started to fear that school would be over and she had to stay in that dark small room for the night, with a phone whose battery was used up, so she started crying.

Suddenly the door was opened and she was blinded by the light.

"How long were you here? Consider yourself lucky that I had to do something, the caretaker goes home the next 10 minutes."

The guy held his hand out to her and she took it.

"Thanks ... I don't get why nobody freed me ... "

The person closed the door and pointed at a note, which was hanging there.

Don't open! For your own sake!

Michelle regarded the boy for the first time, without being blinded and her heart skipped a beat as she was looking into the most beautiful eyes she ever saw.

"Hey, I'm new here. My name's Michelle."

"Kurt," the boy said and walked away.

"It's usual that a 'popular' guy winds the new one up. Tomorrow they'll be nice to you."

She ran after him.

"Which grad are you in?"

Kurt stopped walking and turned to her.

"No! You don't owe me anything! And I don't want you to talk to me tomorrow. I'm none of those 'popular' guys. Don't mess your school life up with talking to me. It's okay."

The next day Michelle came into the classroom, they were three free seats. Two of them were next to girls, who were smiling to Michelle. The other seat was next to Kurt, he stared on the ground. Michelle chose the seat next to Kurt.

* * *

Suddenly, the door opens and Blaine stares at his boyfriend who cuddles with the girl who's in love with him.

_Blaine!_

Slowly, she takes her hand away from Kurt's chest. This gesture drives Blaine crazy.

_**WHORE!**_

"Okay, out! Now!"

Kurt takes his arm away and they sit up.

"We were just ... talking," Michelle says, looking at the angry Blaine.

"Get lost!"

_Stop being so shitty!_

She sighs.

"Dear Michelle, please get out of my bed, I'm so tired. I had a long and exhausting day. Of course Blaine, I'll take my shoes and leave you alone," she says and wants to stand up, but Kurt holds her back and shows both a note.

**Blaine can sleep on the sofa.**

Blaine and Michelle are both so surprised by this message, that the room becomes silent, while all three are staring at each other.

What you're doing Kurt? Didn't you want to proof your love? Don't stick with me just because I helped you!

_**I shall sleep on the sofa? While the whore is slobbering over you? No way.**_

_You behave like a dork and I don't want you to treat my best friend like that anymore!_

"It's okay Kurt. See ya on Monday."

* * *

Michelle stands up, takes her shoes and walks to Blaine, in order to say something.

"I want you to know that Kurt-"

"Just shut up!"

Michelle raises her brows, waves at Kurt and walks downstairs.

Guess I wasn't as helpful as I wanted to be ...


	29. Over

|* Jenny, are you still mad at me? ó_ò I had to leave ... I know this chapter isn't the perfect to apologize - but you're still my best friend and I love you!

Hey, everybody else!

This chapter is ... well I can't say that I like it very much. As I read it after I finished it, I was like - _whaat_ and _why? _but since I wrote it down - let's see how to manage it again!

x aida *|

* * *

Kurt is staring out of the window.

_You did nothing evil! You just spent some time with your best friend._

Intently, Blaine watches how Kurt averts his gaze.

"You found a replacement for me very quick," he mumbles, while his voice sounds reproachful.

_This doesn't happen right now._

Kurt closes his eyes and lets out a heavy sigh.

As he opens them again, Blaine still stands in the door frame, angry but teary-eyed. His arms are crossed and Kurt realizes that he waits for Kurt to do something. Kurt looks around and fetches his notebook. He takes a pen and wants to write.

_But what?_

_He knows that Michelle is just a friend._

_Should I say sorry?_

_But I did nothing wrong ..._

**I don't get your point. We just hung out.**

Blaine rolls his eyes and laughs. This expression sets Kurt in hysterics.

_He laughs at me._

"You know how I feel about her. And you know that -"

Blaine walks to Kurt and tries to calm down.

"You know that I don't trust her."

Kurt shakes his head and writes into his book.

**That doesn't matter. It always takes two to do that and you can trust ME.**

Hesitantly, Blaine guides his gaze away from Kurt's note, to his face.

"I can?"

Badly hurt, Kurt drops his gaze and bursts into tears. His shoulders are trembling and he hopes that Blaine just bends to him and hug him. That he would stroke his back and say 'sorry'. But he does none of those things.

* * *

"It almost seems to me, that you invited her, because you knew what it would do to me."

Eagerly, Kurt shakes his head.

_I needed someone._

"You wanted to revenge you on me for what I said this morning."

Kurt's stomach starts aching again.

_I would never hurt you deliberately ..._

"Since when was she here? I bet since I left. And what did you both do, the whole day?"

He things about the laptop which is on the bed. On-screen one can see the font 'for Blaine'.

"Did you just lay on the bed and snuggled a bit, what I saw ... or -"

Now, Kurt stands up, scribbling something.

**How can you think so badly of me?**

Blaine shrugs his shoulders.

"I don't know. Until now I also thought that this wasn't possible."

* * *

Again, Kurt drops his gaze, still sobbing.

_Didn't want to hurt you ..._

_I was lonely and heartbroken._

_And where have you been the whole day?_

_Who comforted you?_

Sighing, Blaine turns around and steps to the window.

"Silly me! I thought -"

Kurt looks up, heavy breathing. Blaine stares to the night sky - It got dark briskly.

"I thought ... maybe you would have prepared something for me."

Suddenly, Kurt regards the laptop, with the screen to the wall, so that Blaine can't see the font. Slowly, Kurt drops his gaze again.

_You were also mean ... you still are. Why should I prepare something? What about you? ... Just say sorry, then I'll show it you._

"And well, you prepared something. Not what I expected, but ... something very meaningful. I can't get that scene out of my mind."

Blaine blinks back his tears.

"Guess it just doesn't work between us," he whispers with a wobbly voice.

* * *

_What?_

In horror, Kurt looks up to his boyfriend.

**What do you mean?**

Blaine watches the note and sighs.

"I mean what I said."

Kurt only feels his pulse in every inch of his body and the pain in his stomach, while he writes something down. Nervously, Blaine watches him as he does so.

_**No matter what we're doing, I always have to wait until you wrote into that damn notebook.**_

**But we can manage it again!**

Blaine averts his gaze.

"I'm not convinced of that anymore."

Kurt gasps for air and guides the pen across the paper, being watched by Blaine.

_**Take your time ...**_

**You don't break up with me!?**

Blaine sighs, turns away and hears how Kurt is writing.

"You wanna know what really pisses me off? I always have to wait for you. Wait, until you wrote something down. And in most cases the note isn't helpful for the situation, so that I have to sit there and watch every of your expressions, in order to see whether you are happy or sad ..."

Angrily, he turns to Kurt again, who stares at Blaine with widened eyes.

"When it would be helpful to have your opinion you don't write it and when it's inappropriate you do. That damn notebook ..."

Blaine takes it away from Kurt, rips out a few pages and rips those apart. Then he throws the book away.

_My notebook._

_The only way to express myself._

* * *

"I thought I became good in watching your movements and reading your mind ... and thinking of today ... first you were bitchy, then you slapped me, we had a dispute - but I never thought that you would be that cruel and lie in bed with that whore ... just to hurt me. And I call her whore as often as I want to!"

Blaine doesn't recognize that Kurt is trembling.

"Maybe I ... I was in love with another person."

Kurt stares into the distance and hears Blaine's voice like he'd be underwater and Blaine far away.

"I guess I was in love with the person I saw in you, or I thought I would see ... But I don't see that person any longer."

Suddenly Blaine turns around and leaves the room, followed by the fearful and tear-streaked Kurt.

"I don't want you to run after me! I'm serious. It's over!"

_Over?_

Blaine runs down the stairs, so Kurt also starts to walk down, hesitantly.

"No!"

Blaine turns around. His angry expression gives Kurt another stitch into his stomach.

"We're done!"

He turns to the door and leaves.


	30. Drive back (before it's too late!)

|* Hey,

Klaine - breakup was a hard thing for me to do ... so I like this chapter more than the last one! ;)

x aida *|

* * *

Kurt watches his naked body through a mirror, standing in his bathroom. He doesn't know how he came here and he doesn't even care. That's a thing which doesn't matter, like nothing really matters anymore. Habitually, his hand grips the cold razor blade. He didn't do those things since he and Blaine became a couple – and now, since they aren't one any longer ...

* * *

In rage, Blaine drives along a highway. His mind sifts through the past day. After he and Kurt had a dispute this morning, he went home and picked up Alice. They drove to the forest where the wishing well stands.

"So you had a quarrel with your boyfriend ... thought you love him?"

Blaine nodded.

"Yeah, but that doesn't mean that everytime everything is okay ... I was really really nasty to him."

"You?"

Alice laughed.

"You can't be nasty!"

"I can."

* * *

Kurt places the blade next to his old scars and cuts his flesh. He does this a few times, but he doesn't feel how his stomach starts to bleed. Kurt can see how the blood is running out of the wounds but he can't feel it.

_Blaine._

He starts sobbing again, reminded of his lost – everything. In a way, Kurt feels taken back to the day he met Blaine.

_Blaine._

Kurt's whole body trembles and he does another cut.

_Because of you, I forgot how horrible life is._

He clenches a fist with his left hand, while the right one is still cutting him.

_I wanted to be singer._

_I wanted to be with you._

* * *

"And why were you nasty? I mean, which reason did you have?"

Blaine looked to his sister.

"I was thinking about what you said yesterday, you know ... how can I tell that he loves me, since he never wrote it down. And the answer is, I have no clue. Maybe I just persuaded myself that he loves me, because I wanted it."

"Okay, little brother, why would he be your boyfriend when he isn't in love with you?"

"Sweetie, there are people who ..."

_**... just want somebody to have sex with, to feel less alone.**_

* * *

The place where Kurt's heart is, aches - but his stomach doesn't.

_How deep do I have to cut myself until I feel the pain?_

_Until the picture of his face fades away?_

This time Kurt cuts himself so deep, that he drops the blade while his body convulses in pain. One moment later he has to think about Blaine again and starts to laugh, in tears.

_What do I have to do to get him out of my mind?_

* * *

"Didn't you say he's special?"

"I don't know, I mean ... I ... he is ... I'm so confused."

Blaine started to cry as they were sitting on a few stones. Alice stroked his arm.

"Why don't you ask him straight ahead whether he loves you or not?"

_**Afraid of the answer.**_

* * *

Slowly, Kurt faces the bathtub and feels attracted by an invisible power. He opens the water tap and let cold water flow into the tub. Kurt has to think about the first time, he wanted to kill himself. It has been right after his operation. He put his fingers into his tracheostoma and waited until he would suffocate, but he didn't. It had to be because of there was always some space between his fingers, so he tried to press as many fingers in it as possible. Suddenly Burt came in and the action was over.

The second time has been the one with Blaine.

_Blaine._

Kurt had chosen a bridge to jump off, because of two reasons. The first one was, if he hadn't die because of the collision with the stones, he would have drown quickly. Death was infallible. The second was, that he didn't want his dad to find him in an awkward position in his bathroom. Now, he just wants to forget everything. Forget his lost dreams, his lost love.

* * *

As Blaine came back this evening, he wanted to apologize, but as he saw how Kurt and ... that girl were lying on Kurt's bed, he lost control. He can't stand when somebody else touches him and so he said things he didn't mean.

_**Although ...**_

Blaine pulls over and stops the car.

_**As he wanted me to stay Friday night, after our first date, he meant that he didn't want to be alone. This doesn't mean that he loves me ... The day after, he meant I looked cute ...**_

Blaine searches some signs inside of his mind, which show that Kurt loves him.

_**Yeah, I said that I don't love him ... I said it would be over ...**_

Blaine's heart skips a beat.

_**Why did I say that?**_

* * *

_There is enough water, I won't need that much._

Kurt stops the water and goes into the tub, crying mute tears. The water reaches him up to his chest, he sighs and looks down.

_My stomach ..._

The water starts to assume a red color.

Kurt closes his eyes and throws his head back.

* * *

_**We kissed, held hands ... had sex ... it felt so real ... so beautiful. Could it be that I'm the only one who felt this way?**_

_**He was with Michelle ... deliberately and maliciously ... right? Right?**_

Blaine runs his fingers through his hair.

**_I took his notebook away._**

**_How could I do this?_**

**_Maybe he wanted to say something ..._**

**_Should give him at least the opportunity to explain himself ..._**

Suddenly, Blaine feels how tears are running down his face.

_**Maybe he was just lonely and depressed after I was nasty to him this morning and needed someone to 'talk' to.**_

He sighs.

_**I insulted his best friend once again.**_

_**I took his notebook away, the only thing he can use to express himself.**_

_**I told him that I don't love him.**_

_**Nonetheless, he followed me, as I said it would be over.**_

_**He followed me ...**_

_**...**_

_**I'm the biggest fool on earth.**_

Suddenly, Blaine starts the car and drives back.

* * *

_I screwed it up. I screwed everything up. Lost my voice ... and Blaine._

Suddenly, Kurt realizes how his body is trembling, since he lies in cold water. He starts to slide down.

_How long might it last until I'm released?_

Now the water reaches his collarbones.

_What did I do wrong? I slapped him, but I explained why. He didn't understand me. He never loved me. He loved the imagination of me. Sure._

_ How could someone ever love who I am? I don't do it by myself._

Kurt slides deeper and feels how the water soars to the hole in his neck.


	31. Forgive me!

"Kurt?!"

Scared, Kurt stops crying as he looks to the right, where Blaine stands in the door frame of the bathroom, watching Kurt in horror. For a moment he didn't know what Kurt wanted to do, then the scales fell from his eyes.

"Get out of there! Immediately!"

Kurt clenches a fist an bites his lips.

_Why did you have to come back and pick up your stuff now? Just two minutes later and it would have been over ..._

"Kurt, I'm serious!"

As Blaine walks to the bathtub, he sees that there's also blood in the water. His heart starts to race and so he grips Kurt's shoulders, trying to pull him up.

"Holy shit! The water is freezing!"

Blaine could manage to pull Kurt up a bit, so that the water isn't as close to his neck as before, but Kurt tenses his body and stares into the distance.

"Did some water already get in?"

Blaine stares at Kurt who seems to be totally absent, but Blaine can tell that he came before something happened.

**_Luckily._**

Now, he just wants Kurt to get out of this damn cold water, but this one doesn't move.

* * *

"KURT!"

Suddenly, Kurt feels how his cheek starts to ache. He didn't see the hit coming. Surprised, he looses his tenseness and Blaine pulls him out.

Kurt is sitting on the edge of the tub and looks down to his red stomach.

"Seriously ... most people try to kill themselves at least in a comfortable way ... But not you! You choose cold water," Blaine mumbles and lets the water run out.

_Why are you even here?_

_Take your stuff and leave me alone!_

Then Kurt feels how someone rubs his body with a towel, he doesn't want Blaine to touch him, but he can't move. He can't think about anything else than the fact that Blaine is here again.

_Why?_

Blaine kneels down before Kurt and applies a big plaster onto Kurt's stomach. Then he regards him and wants to look into Kurt's eyes, but this one just stares straight ahead, crying again.

"Hey," he whispers, lays his hand upon Kurt's neck and guides his face to him, but Kurt closes his eyes.

_Just leave!_

"Come, you need to get dressed, you're trembling."

* * *

Blaine takes Kurt's hand and pulls him after him, to Kurt's wardrobe. Kurt feels like in a trance as he watches how his ex-boyfriend is rifling through his clothes.

"Here you are," Blaine says and turns around, holding shorts and sweatpants. Kurt takes the clothes and holds them in front of his crotch, staring at the ground. Although he doesn't see him, he knows that Blaine is staring at him. He knows it. His body trembles, since he feels totally cold and he wants to dress himself. But he wants Blaine to leave first, but this one doesn't.

_Just leave me alone!_

Kurt starts to cry more, feeling dizzy and horrible and -

_Why doesn't he leave?_

"I ... I don't know where to start, I-" someone says but doesn't end the sentence.

"Why don't you dress?"

Kurt tries to calm down and breathe regular, but he can't concentrate, not when there's Blaine directly in front of him.

"Shall I help you?"

Blaine lays his hand upon Kurt's shoulder, but he turns away. Despondently, Blaine walks to the window and stares out of it.

"I'm not watching ..."

* * *

Kurt sees that Blaine is standing close to the window, with his back to Kurt, but this one turns around, just in case ... Tremblingly, Kurt pulls up his shorts and sweatpants. He turns to the wardrobe and looks for a warm sweater.

"I'm so sorry Kurt ..."

Suddenly, Kurt is so surprised that he stops crying again.

_What?_

He finds a sweater and puts it on.

"I said things today ... which I – I never ..."

Slowly, Kurt turns around and isn't amazed at all, as he realizes that Blaine looks at him.

_Of course he was watching me._

_Liar._

_Voyeur._

_Liar._

Blaine recognizes how Kurt looks at him ... heartbroken, like he seemed to be as Blaine had taken away his notebook.

"No! No, I wasn't watching you! I'm serious! I stared out of the window until ... uhm ... I heard that you were rifling through your clothes ..."

Kurt drops his gaze.

"You were only shirtless ... I mean - I saw you naked a million times, anyway!"

_**Shut up, Blaine! Shut up! Focus!**_

"What I wanted to say ... uhm ..."

* * *

Blaine takes a deep breath and looks at Kurt, who stands there with crossed arms.

"I behaved like a dork today."

_You don't say?_

"It started as I ... questioned your love and ended with the doubts of my own."

_What is he saying?_

Kurt bites his lips and tries to hold back his tears.

"Listen," Blaine walks closer to Kurt and sits down on his bed, which is between both.

"I said that you are same dishonest as me, but in fact you're the most honest and most kind hearted person I ever had the pleasure to know."

Kurt buries his face in his hands, and Blaine sees how his shoulders are quivering.

_**He's crying ...**_

"You are absolutely right. I was dishonest. I should have told you that I like to sing, but I also want you to know that I didn't told you because I wanted to ... protect you. I know it sounds crazy, but I don't want you to think about what you've lost, because I mean that there is much more for you to discover and I do believe that you'll find a new dream ..."

* * *

Blaine stops and drops his gaze, right before Kurt looks up.

_What do you want to say?_

As if he felt that Kurt was watching him, Blaine raises his gaze and both look into each other's eyes. Then Kurt drops his gaze again and Blaine starts to smile.

_**He is confused and interested and ... dear god, please - don't let him hate me!**_

"I didn't want to bother you, because firstly - I won't become a singer anyway and secondly – how could I ever be happy with having something that is your dream? It doesn't matter that it's actually also mine," he sighs and shakes his head.

"It 'was' also mine but since you can't have it, I don't want to have it too. That's why I never wanted to talk about it - It hurts you to think about it ..."

Slowly, Kurt leads his gaze into Blaine's direction, their eyes meet and Kurt's heart starts racing.

_I don't get it._

_I really don't get it._

_I don't understand a word you say._

_You meant you don't love me ..._

_Why are you telling me such things right now?_

* * *

Kurt sighs and sits down on the floor, he tucks his legs and stares into the distance again, frowned.

"As I came home this evening, I wanted to apologize for what I had said ... and I saw you and her and I – I freaked out ... Of course, you had called her to talk with someone. I know it. I really do, but at this moment I was so jealous. Then I took away your notebook ..."

Blaine runs his fingers through his hair and as Kurt looks to him, he sees that Blaine is teary-eyed.

"I love when you write something down, seriously ... It's just sometimes when I'm impatient – you know me. Waiting for you? How childish ... I didn't mean it ... although ... even if ..."

Blaine looks to Kurt and this one tries to hold his gaze, but he can't.

"The crucial point is, that I would be waiting for you my whole life, if I knew that I could spend my last day with loving you."

"I think it's a part of a quote or something ... I don't know, but the horrible thing is, I was so blinded by my jealousy, that I didn't see that. I see it now ... again and I will see it for the rest of my life."

* * *

_Today you see plenty different things._

_A person you love - a person you don't love ..._

"That leads me to the next point. Please, look at me!"

Reluctantly, Kurt raises his head and looks at him, teary-eyed.

"What I said about the Kurt I see and the Kurt I love and that kind of stuff – forget it! I want you to forget what I said! I LOVE YOU! And I've been so stupid and ..."

Suddenly, Blaine breaks out in tears.

"I love you, I love you so much. I would never break up with you! Please forgive me!"

Kurt stares at him in disbelieve.

_You love me?_

_Thought, you don't see the person you thought you had been in love with, any longer?_

_How could I ever forget that?_

* * *

"Kurt," Blaine's voice sounds wobbly as he reaches out his hand,"come here!"

He is still crying and Kurt hates himself for feeling the urge to hug him, stroke his back and comfort him.

_Who was the one who wanted to break up?_

"Please ..."

Blaine withdraws his hand and sobs uncontrollably.

"I was so stupid! But I love you ... I need you."

He sees how Kurt stands up and fetches his notebook, in which are still a few pages, he takes a pen and starts to write.

**If it doesn't bother you to wait for me, I will write something down?**

Blaine feels a stitch in his heart, as he reads this note.

_**Still mad at me ...**_

_**I can't hold it against him.**_

"Please do so ..."

Through his tearstained eyes, Blaine can hardly see Kurt's note.

**So you see the person you love again?! Congratulations! And in ten minutes? Tomorrow? What about next week?**

Blaine averts his gaze and stops crying.

* * *

"I have always loved you. I never loved the imagination of you or something like that – Please believe me. I love you and I do, because I see you. YOU. Kurt Hummel ... You lost your dream, your life but you managed to go to school again, just to make a few people happy. You broke contact with Alice, but not because you didn't want to see her again. And it wasn't like you always mean, because of you were ashamed. You didn't want to bother her. Like you never want to bother someone. That's why you barely write notes. Everything you do, arises out of the intention to make the life of people you love better. Well, everything except of the permanent attempts to kill yourself ..."

Kurt feels how his stomach aches.

_So you love me again?_

_Or still?_

"Questioning our love was the stupidest thing I've ever done ... and I did plenty stupid things."

Kurt has to laugh.

_Shit! No! Don't laugh!_

He drops his gaze, so Blaine has to smile.

_**Cute.**_

"I promise to never question our feelings again. Please, forgive me! And let me be your boyfriend again."


	32. Reconciliation

|* Hey ya!

title says everything!

x aida *|

* * *

Kurt takes a deep breath.

_No. It wasn't okay what he did. It hurt you! You wanted to kill yourself because of that!_

Kurt wants to stay strong, but then he raises his head and sees how Blaine reaches out his hand once again.

_You won't bow down to him! Keep the last piece of your self esteem!_

Blaine's hand winces a bit and Kurt is suddenly afraid that he would withdraw it again, so he takes it.

* * *

_I hate you! I hate you! I hate you!_

"Don't cry!"

Kurt didn't feel how the tears were rolling down, he heard what Blaine said and realized it.

_Damn it._

He feels how Blaine pulls him onto the bed. Kurt lands unfavorable upon Blaine who stares at him, smiling.

"Stop crying!"

Blaine wipes Kurt's tears away and just lies there, smiling. Not smiling, grinning.

_Damn._

Kurt jumps up and sits down, next to Blaine who bends to him, immediately. His heart is beating so loud that Kurt is afraid that Blaine could hear it.

_Why is your heart racing?_

Slowly, Blaine lays his fingers upon Kurt's nape and looks so handsome while looking at him, that Kurt has the feeling to die.

_Don't look at me like this ... please._

Blaine approaches und pulls Kurt's head into his direction. As he can almost taste Kurt's lips, this one turns his head away. Blaine feels so aroused that he would like to kiss his cheek nonetheless, but Kurt didn't pulled away without a reason. He lays his forehead against Kurt's cheek and inhales his scent, heavy breathing.

"What is it?"

* * *

Kurt points to the laptop which is still on the bed.

"What's with the laptop?"

Kurt turns to the bed stand and writes something into his notebook. Blaine would be annoyed that Kurt is so untouchable right now, but actually he is just happy that they're together again.

**_We are together again, aren't we?_**

**_I mean he forgave me, right?_**

**_He took my hand ..._**

**That's what the WHORE was helping me to do this afternoon. We prepared something for you. It was her idea.**

Blane raises his brows.

"You prepared something? For me? Both of you?"

Kurt nods.

**She showed me how to do.**

"Do you mean, you spent the day with making something for me and I used that fact to hold something against you?"

Kurt averts his gaze.

_**What.**_

_**The.**_

_**Fuck?**_

"Could we just forget what happened today? Please!"

Kurt just points to the laptop again and Blaine sighs. He takes it onto his lap and presses the Enter key so that the screensaver vanishes. He is totally surprised as he sees a dark space with the words 'for Blaine' on it.

"You made a video?"

Slowly, Kurt nods his head.

"I come off badly, don't I?"

Kurt rolls his eyes and laughs, what brings Blaine's urge to kiss him back.

"Come here!"

Blaine leans against the wall and raises his arm, symbolizing that Kurt should slide to him. He does and Blaine presses play.

* * *

~ Share my life, take me for what I am ~

Blaine hears Whitney Houston's voice and sees how the video zooms into the first picture Kurt and Blaine ever made. He stops it.

"I can't watch it! I'm already close to cry right now! After the first lines ... and one picture!"

Hesitantly, Kurt smiles and Blaine plants a kiss. He grips Kurt's head and pulls him closer.

_SHIT! You didn't want to bow ..._

Kurt can feel his heartbeat in his whole body and suddenly realizes that his stomach stopped aching. He pulls his head away and nods at the laptop.

"Okay, okay ..."

Again, Blaine presses play and regards the cute pictures while he hears one of the most beautiful love songs a person ever sung.

* * *

~ I have nothing If I don't have you ~

Kurt turns his head to Blaine.

_Did he like it?_

His eyes widen as he sees how this one is sobbing.

"Shit," he laughs and wipes his tears off.

"I'm such a girl."

Kurt doesn't know what to think.

_I love you._

_I hate that I can't hate you._

_I want to be mad at you, but I can't._

_That's why I'm mad at myself._

"That's the best thing someone ever made for me!"

He turns to Kurt.

"Please, forgive me. Let's forget the whole day, except of that beautiful video."

Blaine's eyes are still watery and Kurt can tell out of his expression, that he's serious.

_Blaine._

"Are we a couple again?"

Hesitantly, Kurt nods and before he even finished that, Blaine starts to kiss him.

"I'm so happy," he says and puts the laptop on the floor.

* * *

As he turns to Kurt again, this one sees the hunger in his eyes and feels how is heart is close to explode.

_Dear god, dear god ..._

Slowly, Blaine slides closer to Kurt and presses his body against him, then he kisses him again. Kurt is so nervous that he can almost feel how he blushes.

"Do you wanna know something?"

Kurt nods, but isn't sure whether he could handle what Blaine is going to say.

"I'm never gonna let you go again!"

Kurt gasps for air and feels Blaine's lips upon his neck again. Then Blaine pulls Kurt's sweater up and watches the plaster.

"Please, don't try to kill you one more time! I couldn't live in a world in which you don't exist."

Then he undresses Kurt completely, with reckless abandon and so fondly that Kurt can't handle his feelings. He is so aroused and needs to feel Blaine now and watching him how he strings it out ... almost kills him. Suddenly, Blaine jumps up and rips his clothes off.

_Oh my ..._

Blaine's dick is hard and beautiful and Kurt could come just by watching him. Slowly, Blaine crawls to Kurt, grinning and kisses and caresses him. He stops for a moment and Kurt stares at him, worried.

_Did I do something wrong?_

"Does your stomach hurt? The wounds?"

Eagerly, Kurt shakes his head.

_No, go on!_

He puts his hand upon Blaine's shoulders and wants to pull him down to him, but this one sits up.

"Would you ... turn around?"

Kurt's cock winces as he thinks about it.

God.

He nods and turns onto his stomach.

* * *

The last time, Blaine tried to fuck him from behind, he stopped because he thought that Kurt wouldn't get enough air. After Kurt wrote three pages to convince him that everything is really okay, the excitement was gone and the next time Blaine didn't even try to do it this way.

* * *

Blaine stares down at Kurt's beautiful butt and tries to calm down. He reaches for the lube and places it next to him. Slowly, Blaine sits down upon Kurt's thighs and lays his hands between his shoulder blades. He starts to move them downwards.

Kurt closes his eyes and enjoys the warm touch.

_We're together again._

_He likes the video._

_He loves me ..._

_I want to believe him._

Blaine's hands reach Kurt's tailbone where they start to press Kurt (and his hard dick) down into the mattress.

_Holy crap._

Kurt places his arms and rests his head upon them.

"Everything okay?"

Blaine sees how Kurt nods.

_**He nods always.**_

"Do you get enough air?"

Kurt turns his head and gives Blaine an angry look.

_CONTINUE!_

Blaine grins and leans forward, to kiss Kurt.

"I see."

He starts to knead Kurt's butt cheeks and is so aroused just by doing that, that he has to fuck him right now.

* * *

"Fingers ..."

Kurt moans silently, as he feels Blaine's fingers inside of him. His cock presses against the mattress and suddenly he is afraid to come too soon and mess the blankets up.

He hears how Blaine opens the lube.

_Sometimes it seems to me, that he just wants to have sex with me..._

Blaine penetrates into him and moans.

_GOD ... even that would be okay ... as long as I can be with him ..._

"Kurt ... could it be that it's the first time, your dad isn't at home when we're doing this?"

_You're right._

Blaine presses his cock as deep into Kurt as possible and sighs.

"That means I don't have to control myself this time?"

Kurt's eyes widen.

_You controlled?_

"Look at me, I wanna know what you're thinking!"

He doesn't want to, he knows that he's red as a beet.

"C'mon."

Blaine slides a bit deeper so that Kurt tenses his whole body and forces himself to turn his head.

"You're afraid? Cute ... you're so cute. No. You're hot! Arousing!"

Suddenly, Kurt feels how Blaine's dick swells furthermore and he bites his lips. Aroused by that expression, Blaine bends to him and kisses him, but ends the kiss and gives his attention to Kurt's butt again. Blaine starts to shove into Kurt and this one turns his head again. The rubbing in his ass and under his stomach drives Kurt crazy. Actually his stomach starts to ache, while he feels how his wounds are opening again. It's only a slight pain and parallel to Blaine's movements and it just -

_feels so good ..._

* * *

"I meant it as I said," he bumps in again, heavy breathing.

"... that I'm never gonna let you go."

Kurt's heart is racing and he feels how sweat is emerging from his pores, while Blaine moves faster and harder now.

"Mhhhh ... we," Blaine holds Kurt's tailbone and shoves into him as hard as he can.

"we'll be together forever ... ahhmm."

Blaine is at the point when he starts to tremble.

"You're mine Kurt, you're mine!"

_That vibration ..._

"... mhhhine ..."

Kurt clenches a fist and screams noiselessly, as Blaine shoves into him one more time, so that Kurt can't hold back any longer and comes.

"Hmm ... ahh ... uhh..."

Heavy breathing, he closes his eyes and feels how Blaine also comes a moment after him.

* * *

Blaine wants to stay like this for a moment, but Kurt starts to move, so Blaine pulls out, reluctantly. He starts to kiss Kurt, but this one stands up and removes the blankets.

_What a mess! What a mess! Dad mustn't get to know it ..._

"Are you cleaning up your mess?"

Kurt glares at him and Blaine laughs.

"Come here!"

He wants to walk to Blaine, then he sees the stain in the sheets.

_Holy crap._

_It's seeping into the mattress._

"Forget that damn mattress and come to me!"

Kurt smiles and lies down, next to his boyfriend who kisses him tenderly.

"Hope it was same amazing for you as it was for me!"

Smiling, Kurt snuggles up to him and closes his eyes.

_Blaine._

Then he feels how this one takes his hand and lays it upon his chest.

_Again?_

Kurt looks up.

"I'm not unimaginative! This time it's something new!"

He watches Blaine, with raised brows, grinning.

"Because I never told you that this heart you feel, beats for you. Only for you and it will beat for you as long as I live. And I can only say sorry for today once again and I'm so happy that we're back together ... and I promise to never ever give you the feeling again, that I don't love you more than anything else in the whole world!"


	33. Sunday with Blaine

|* Hello again my dears,

Klaine is finally back together! *happy dancing* We crossed the half time of the story, they'll be one 'normal' chapter and then something horrible will happen, which includes Kurt directly and Blaine indirectly ... so far.

I know, I know ... it's a pretty short chapter ... (nothing really happens), but I'm sitting here right now, it's 0:20 am and I have to get up at 5:30 ... The thing is that I'm kind of obsessed with writing this ff. I can't stop thinking about it. But you don't care anyway! :D Sorry for bothering you! I'll get to bed. Good night! Sleep well!

X aida *|

* * *

Tender and warm is the touch he feels. Something warm and also wet is sliding above Kurt's cheek and he starts to smile.

_Blaine._

He feels how the pressure becomes firmer and moves to his neck. Then another warm pressure appears and slides down to his butt. Slowly, Kurt opens his eyes and looks at his boyfriend.

"Good morning," Blaine whispers and plants a kiss while he continues with stroking Kurt.

"Your dad isn't home yet."

_He didn't spent the night somewhere else since Mum died ..._

"How is your stomach?"

Kurt nods and turns completely to Blaine.

"You okay?"

He rolls his eyes and looks at Blaine, who laughs.

"I just wanna make sure that you're okay ... And when you're okay and your dad isn't here and you look so damn hot like now ... you know what that means?"

Kurt starts grinning and Blaine just has to kiss him for that.

"You and your nasty mind!"

Kurt laughs out, but stops as Blaine bends down to him and starts to shove his tongue into his mouth again, wildly and without restraint.

* * *

"Let's eat something!"

Kurt turns his head to Blaine and watches how his rib cage is moving up and down under Blaine's heavy breathing. His head is a bit blushed and his body sweaty. Suddenly, he feels the urge to lick Blaine's sweat up, but he is afraid that this one would become horny of that again, so that they would have sex for the third successive time this morning and Kurt can tell that we won't stand this once again. Kurt stretches himself and feels exhausted, but relieved and happy.

_It's been beautiful._

"You love to ignore me, don't you?"

Blaine turns his head to Kurt.

"I said, that we need to eat something!"

Kurt smiles and closes his eyes as Blaine approaches to kiss him.

* * *

They are sitting in the living room on the sofa, Blaine in the corner, clasping Kurt who sits in front of him, with his legs and arms. Blaine found a place underneath Kurt's ear he never touched before and found out that Kurt is ticklish there. Now he kisses that piece of skin and has to laugh by himself as Kurt giggles. He lays his forehead against Kurt's shoulder blade and starts to move back and forth to dandle Kurt like a child in his arms.

"Love you so much ... I'm so happy."

Then he licks the place again and Kurt giggles.

"Good to see you guys like this," Burt says and although both are really surprised and look to the door, they can't stop grinning.

"I thought that you were kind of strange yesterday."

Kurt smiles and turns his head to Blaine, who presses his body against him, furthermore.

"Yeah, we had a dispute ..."

"For real?"

Burt looks through the living room. On the table are plenty things to eat and he hopes that Blaine could make Kurt eat at least a bit.

"That's funny, yesterday evening I had a really bad feeling ... I can't explain. That's why I came to check if everything is in order."

* * *

Both start to smile.

"Yeah, it was difficult but everything is okay now."

Kurt pinches Blaine's arm, so that this one screams out and laughs right after it.

"More than okay! Everything is perfect," he says as he looks to Burt and turns his face to Kurt again.

"I hope you're happy now!"

Kurt smiles and Blaine starts to tighten his grip around Kurt's body.

"I see ... I'm really pleased"

Burt sighs.

"I think you both won't miss me today?"

Surprised, Kurt and Blaine look to Burt. Kurt turns to Blaine and nods at him, symbolizing that he should speak for him.

"Uhm ... where have you even been tonight?"

Kurt pinches him again.

_DORK!_

_Never heard of consideration?_

But Burt just laughs and makes Kurt smile.

"Today's youth ... NO! Nothing happened, but I had a few drinks and didn't want to drive home so I slept on the sofa but as I woke up, she had made breakfast ..."

Burt's face lightens up, so Kurt's does the same.

"Well and who is she?"

"She moved here a week ago ... works at the same enterprise. We said we wanted to do something special today and when you are okay ..."

"GO! Have fun! We are happy for you, aren't we?"

Kurt has to smile about this comment and feels how Blaine kisses the back of his head. Burt smiles and leaves the living room.

* * *

"And what are we doing now?"

_Not again!_

_I can't handle it._

Blaine strokes Kurt's arm, gently and Kurt knows exactly what he wants to do.

_Four weeks ago, I was lying in bed and did self-harm. I thought that we would never be a couple. But now you're here. So close to me, that I sometimes forget where I end and you start. There's no boundary between us. There's nothing between us._

Kurt leans back to Blaine and closes his eyes.

"I've got an idea ..."

He kisses Kurt's neck and guides his hands down to Kurt's crotch.

_I won't be able to handle that again!_

Blaine squeezes Kurt's dick while Kurt feels how Blaine's woody is pressing against his back.

_Maybe I could try to handle it ..._

Again, Blaine grips Kurt's head and turns it to him, kissing him.

"Love you ..."

_I will try._


	34. Michelle and Blaine

|* Hey,

I kinda like this chapter :3

The next ones will be ... oppressive, I guess. Anyway, we're close to the end. I plan to do something between 10 and 20 chapters from now, but since I have problems to be brief ... Yeah, we'll see how it works out.

x aida *|

* * *

~ Riiiiing riiiiiing riiiiiiiiiing ~

_**Fuck you alarm clock!**_

Blaine groans and strengthens his grip around Kurt's upper body.

~ Riiiiiiiiing riiiiiiiing riiiiiiiiiiiing ~

_Damn, Blaine turn that thing off!_

~ RIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIING RIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIING RIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIING ~

Suddenly, Blaine feels how Kurt pinches him.

"Yeaaaaaaaaaaaah!"

Annoyed, Blaine turns around to the other end of Kurt's bed and ends the alarm. He sighs and rolls over to his boyfriend again, stroking his chest.

"Happy anniversary, my heart."

Slowly, he presses his body against Kurt's back.

"I'm so damn tired ... What do you think why is it?"

He feels how Kurt's chest quivers, a symbol that he's laughing.

"Think it's been a bad idea, saying that we won't exchange presents."

Kurt turns around and is surprised as Blaine starts to laugh.

"You look like you would have been awake for over three days!"

_Same to you!_

Blaine smiles.

"I know what you're thinking! Imagine you'd be the only one of us, looking like this. I would be worried."

Kurt giggles, approaches to Blaine and lays his face upon Blaine's chest.

_Yesterday has been beautiful._

_I love you so much._

_So endlessly._

* * *

Michelle rolls her eyes, as she sees that Blaine is walking to them, during break.

"Kurt, Blaine is coming."

Kurt is shocked and has to think about coming Blaine, so that he blushes a bit.

_SHIT SHIT SHIT._

"Hey," Blaine says and kisses Kurt's cheek.

"How are you?"

Kurt nods and Blaine stares to Michelle, who avoids looking at him.

"Both of you!"

She raises her brows and looks to Blaine.

"You sure you're talking to me? I thought I should shut up?"

"Uhmmm," Blaine guides his face to Kurt, but this one just grins about his friend's repartee.

_**Would like to fuck your grin away, my heart.**_

"That's why I wanted to talk with you. Can we meet today?"

Michelle stares to Blaine, surprised.

"I don't know. There's nothing to talk about ..."

Suddenly, Kurt gives her an angry look.

_Don't be so resentful._

_Give him a chance!_

Annoyed, she shrugs her shoulders.

"Okay, yeah we can meet."

* * *

"It's been Kurt's idea that we both should have a talk, am I right?"

Blaine sighs and sits down.

"No, it was mine. But he's enthusiastic about it."

They're sitting in a cute small cafe and Michelle already ordered a coffee for herself.

_**Bitch.**_

"You already ordered? I'm not too late."

She smiles at him and sips her coffee.

"We said we wanted to talk, not to drink coffee together."

"Because of you we had a dispute and broke up!"

Blaine said those words a bit too loud and Michelle just furrows her brow.

"What?"

"We broke up a few minutes after you left, Saturday evening!"

_**Calm down, you dork.**_

She stares at him in disbelieve.

He's insane.

"But why ..."

Kurt didn't told me ...

"I don't know why you're tellin-"

"When we talk about you, I always call you whore."

Michelle jumps up.

"I've been totally crazy thinking that one could speak to you properly!"

"No, shit sorry, please sit down again!"

_**Focus Blaine, Focus!**_

"Really, I came to apologize."

She pants with rage and looks down to him.

"And why do you think that I care?"

Blaine shrugs his shoulders.

* * *

"Maybe you want that Kurt's best friend and boyfriend can have a talk without killing each other. So that they can solve their problems and be nice and Kurt will be happy about -"

Michelle sits down again and Blaine smiles. A waiter passes and takes his order.

"You said something about apologize?"

Blaine nods.

"Yeah, I've been mean to you on Saturday ... and all weeks before."

Michelle sighs.

"And that I call you whore is mean, although you didn't know ... it wasn't right and I wanted to apologize also for that. I'm sorry."

Blaine receives his coffee.

What to say?

"But why did you both broke up?"

"Uhm," nervously he looks around.

"Well, I broke up with him, to be exact."

Surprised, Michelle gasps for air.

He's the most possessive person I ever met, why would he -

"Why would you do this?"

"I was jealous of you."

Her eyes widen and she has to hold back, to not laugh.

"I'm ... I'm his best friend, but I never -"

He looks up.

"You wanna deny that you love him?"

Damn it.

"I don't deny it."

* * *

She sighs and holds Blaine's gaze.

Hope you're happy know.

He drops his head.

"I wanted you to know that I said horrible things to him on Saturday and if it weren't for you ..."

_**... maybe he would have tried to kill himself even in the morning.**_

"I wanted to thank you because you're always there for him. Especially, when I can't. Thanks a lot."

Michelle stares at him and blinks back her tears.

"I love him for much longer than you even know him."

Blaine looks up again.

"Yeah, I know. And this fact makes it even more remarkable that you can stand it every time when he has problems. You're a really really nice and strong person and I'll never be such a bastard to you again. Well, I will try."

Their table is in the corner of the cafe, Michelle averts her gaze and looks out of the window.

"He didn't told me that you broke up with him."

"Yeah, we said we want to forget that all."

"And the video?"

"He showed me after we got back together, two hours after the dispute."

Michelle takes a sip and faces Blaine again.

"I will kill you, when you break up with him once again."

Blaine laughs.

"I see, but I'm not afraid. That will never happen."

Intently, she regards Blaine.

He seems different today.

"I don't get why he's in love with you."

Again, Blaine giggles.

"Me neither."

* * *

Both go silent and stare out of the window.

"He loves you," Blaine says and watches her reaction, but there isn't any. He drops his gaze and sips his coffee as he hears her response.

"Not the way I love him."

Blaine can't tell what it is, but he feels suddenly the urge to hug Michelle. He feels sorry for her. Really sorry.

"You're so essential to him and I'm ... I'm sure sometime you'll find someone -"

"Don't do this."

"I was just-"

"Don't!"

She guides her face to him again and Blaine sees her watery eyes.

"Do you think," she starts, "you'll ever find someone you could love same or even more than him?"

He takes deep breath.

_**That's a point.**_

"See? The same goes for me. I tried to stop feeling this way ... I can't."

* * *

Michelle averts her gaze again and Blaine feels guilty more and more with every sentence she says.

"I love him ever since I saw him for the first time. We became best friends and I knew that he ... likes boys. He told me. He told me everything ... even when he wanted to have his first time with a silly guy ... I hated myself for weeks as he told me that it didn't worked out and I was happy. I should have been sorry ... The thing is, there was never a true rival or something and ... now you're here. But not even you are a rival because I'll never-"

Her voice breaks and tears are rolling down her face.

_**Shit.**_

"I'll never be the person he wants to spend the rest of his life with. I'm not a rival ... No matter how much I try, no matter what I do-"

Blaine stands up, puts the chair next to Michelle and sits down. He gives the persons who stare to the sobbing girl angry looks, so that they look away again.

* * *

"Hey."

Blaine puts his arm around her and she tries to calm down.

"I don't know how to encourage you ... I mean, I really want you to be happy, but -"

_**He belongs to me ...**_

_**... and I belong to him.**_

"It's okay, you can't encourage me."

She takes a few deep breaths and wipes her tears off, then she looks to Blaine and this one takes his arm away.

"I should be happy. I know I should be."

"No, you should be angry!"

Michelle widens her eyes and watches him.

"I want you to believe me when I say that I'm so sorry for you and I wish you all the best and a person who loves you fearlessly and unconditionally."

She starts to smile with still watery eyes.

"I start to understand why he loves you."

Blaine laughs and pats her shoulder.

"I hope you can forgive all my mistakes I made."

"I also wasn't the nicest ..."

He sighs with relief.

"So we're ... friends now?"

"Don't overdo it!"

Both laugh and Blaine stands up.

* * *

"I'm going now, it's getting dark."

_**We wanted to celebrate a bit ...**_

"Yeah, sure. Celebrate your anniversary!"

Blaine sighs and feels miserable.

"What can I do for you, that you feel better?"

"Nothing, thanks. You already helped me with our conversation."

He nods and puts some money next to his not even half-drunk coffee and turns around.

"Wait!"

Blaine turns to Michelle again with an asking look.

"Actually, there's something you can do for me ..."

She interrupts herself and looks down.

"What?"

His heart breaks almost as she looks up again, teary-eyed.

"Please, don't break up with him again ... be honest to him, don't let him think that he bothers you ... and love him truly ... that's all."

Blaine wants to walk to her to say something, but she averts her gaze.

"That's all," she says again with a wobbly voice.

Please leave me alone to cry.

"All the best, Michelle."

He turns around and leaves the cafe, Michelle watches him as long as she can, before her tears block her view.


	35. Uncomfortable

|* Hey ya,

*sobbing*

Think I should add the Genre 'tragedy' ...

x aida *|

* * *

_You can do it. You can do it. It will be fun. It will be great._

_Just a few people._

_It'll be awesome!_

"Everything okay?"

Blaine walks to Kurt, who stands in front of the mirror in the bathroom and hugs him from behind, watching him through the mirror.

"You don't want to go, do you?"

Kurt sighs and turns around.

_Where's that damn notebook?_

He catches the sight of it and starts writing something down.

**We never went to a party before! We said we want to go.**

**I want it.**

Kurt drops his head and feels how Blaine lays his hand upon his neck. It's Friday and a friend of Blaine throws a party. Since Monday, they're together for a month (with a break up for two hours) and they wanted to celebrate it.

"I can see that you feel uncomfortable. We don't need to go!"

Slowly, Kurt takes Blaine's hand in his own and smiles at him.

"Is it because you can't speak to people?"

He gasps for air and drops his gaze, feeling like a silly child.

"You're right, that's horrible. We're not going!"

Blaine doffs his jacket and walks out of the bathroom, but Kurt follows him, holding out a note to him.

**Someday I need to make the next step, I don't want to hide myself for the rest of my life!**

**WE'RE GOING!**

Surprised, Blaine smiles and walks to Kurt, putting his hands on his back.

"I'm so proud of you ... I wish I would be as brave as you!"

* * *

"Hey, Blaine and ... wait - it was something with uhm ... something short-"

"Kurt."

"Yeah sure," the boy laughs and reaches out his hand to Kurt. He takes it.

"We haven't met before, but I saw you and Blaine in school a few times, doing cute couple-things."

Kurt smiles with raised brows and takes his hand away again.

_He's strange._

"Okay come in!"

The boy shows Kurt and Blaine the way to the terrace where people are dancing to loud music.

"Here's the party. And when you want to jump into the pool, do it naked! That's more fun! Gonna fetch you some drinks."

He laughs and leaves.

"What's wrong?"

Blaine stares to Kurt, who looks after the boy with a furrowed brow.

"Don't you like Max? He's okay!"

_Sure ..._

* * *

"Hey," Blaine whispers and pulls Kurt close to him.

"We don't have to talk with anyone. It's just you ... and me."

Blaine's head comes closer to Kurt's, but right before he can kiss him, an annoying voice interrupts them.

"I thought you start with beer and we'll see how it ends."

Max stands in front of them, holding two bottles with beer.

"Yeah, thanks."

Blaine turns to him and takes a bottle, Kurt also takes one, staring down to it in thoughts.

"Do you also have something non-alcoholic?" Blaine asks and Max laughs out.

"Didn't you say, you both wanted to come here by foot? It's just 15 minutes to walk and I -"

"We did, it's just Kurt-"

"Sure," Max says, "Sorry ... the guy with the sensitive stomach!"

Kurt raises his gaze and can't decide which of both he hates more in that moment.

"I'll fetch you something else!"

Max pats Kurt's arm and leaves them again. Blaine turns to Kurt and pulls him closer, but Kurt slaps his arm and walks away.

* * *

"Kurt?!"

Annoyed, Blaine runs after his boyfriend, who walks into the house.

"Could you at least tell me what I've done wrong this time?"

In rage, Kurt stops and turns around, scribbling something down.

**The boy with the SENSITIVE STOMACH? What other nice things do you tell your friends about me?**

Blaine gasps for air.

"Kurt don't do this again!"

Kurt looks down and fights against his tears. He feels tortured by the thought that Blaine tells his friends all the silly things Kurt does ... passing out after giving him a blow job ... Of course he knows that Blaine would never speak badly of him, but now, since Max said those words, he can't get this picture out of his head.

Blaine sighs.

"He once asked me whether we want to go for dinner with him and I meant that you can't eat everything, because of your sensitive stomach. Should I've said that you barely eat something? And when you do so, you have to puke in 99 % of all cases?"

He walks to Kurt, embraces him and strokes his back.

"Anyway, you know I don't have such close friends as Michelle is for you. You're my closest person and I would never speak badly of you. Never. No matter what!"

Kurt nods and smiles as Blaine ends the hug.

"Let's go dancing!"

* * *

Kurt and Blaine have a really nice time. The music. The lights.

_Blaine._

But slow but steady, Kurt starts to feel dizzy.

**Sit down for a moment, okay?**

Blaine reads the note, still moving in time to the music.

"I'll accompany you."

Eagerly, Kurt shakes his head.

**Have fun! I'm over there ...**

Kurt points to a bar and wants to leave, as he feels how Blaine holds him back and plants a kiss.

"Gonna miss you."

Although Blaine had one single beer his breath reeks of alcohol and Kurt can't stand it. He smiles to Blaine and leaves him. With a sigh, he sits down on a bar chair and looks around. Actually, there are a few people who are swimming in the pool, naked. It's not a cold night, but this is a fact Kurt can't understand. The swimming pool, the terrace and the garden are beautiful and one can see that this house is luxury.

* * *

"Having fun?"

Kurt turns his head to Max, who sits down next to him.

_Oh no ..._

"Shit, I totally forgot your drink!"

He stands up, walks around the bar and mixes something.

"Here," he says and hands a glass over to Kurt.

"Just some juice – no alcohol. Promise."

Max smiles and Kurt smiles back, trying to be polite. The guy walks to Kurt and sits down next to him, again.

"Don't you want a taste?"

Kurt nods and takes a sip.

_Tastes oddly ..._

Kurt watches how Blaine dances with a few other people. He doesn't know them and questions that Blaine does.

* * *

"Is something wrong? You look extremely pale ..."

Suddenly Max lays his hand upon Kurt's forehead. Shocked, Kurt turns to him.

_Take your hand away!_

But Max comes even closer to him.

"And watery eyes ... are you ill?"

Eagerly, Kurt shakes his head and turns away, feeling relieved as Max finally takes his hand away.

"I think I should tell Blaine -"

Max stands up, but Kurt holds his arm.

_Don't!_

He takes his hand away and writes something down, while Max watches him.

**Please don't tell him. He gets anxious so quickly.**

The guy sighs.

"Okay, and what do I get for being quiet?"

Max laughs out as he sees how Kurt's eyes widen and he raises his brows.

"Just kidding."

He sits down again, but Kurt feels really uncomfortable close to Max and walks to Blaine again.

* * *

"Heeeyyy, youuu're baack!"

Blaine leans against Kurt and starts to kiss his cheek.

_Stop it! You're drunk!_

He feels how Kurt pulls his head away and steps back.

"I'm nooot drunk! I'm not."

Kurt laughs and shakes his head. Suddenly, his stomach starts to ache and the dizzy feeling comes back.

"Soomething wroong?"

He shakes his head and Blaine approaches again.

"Do you think we could find a room and make out a bit?"

Kurt sighs.

_Drunk._

Blaine starts to lay his hands upon Kurt's butt and although there are plenty other couples, doing the same, Kurt doesn't want to do such stuff in public, so he steps back.

"Whaat?"

Kurt drops his gaze, but Blaine grips his chin and pulls it up. For a moment, Kurt thought that Blaine would kiss him, but he just stares at him.

"You look ill."

* * *

Blaine stops dancing immediately and Kurt has to smile about it.

_You really drop everything for me, don't you?_

Kurt shakes his head, takes Blaine's hand and guides him out of the crowd, into the house where it is lighted. He takes his notebook and writes something.

**Feeling dizzy, would like to leave.**

"What is going on?"

"Hey Max," Blaine says and waves to the guy who walks to them. Kurt starts feeling kind of downcast that this person always disturbs them, although it's his house.

"We're thinking about to leave."

"What?"

Max looks at them by turns.

"You can't leave, you're here for ... how long? Half an hour?"

"Kurt doesn't feel as good-"

"And just because he doesn't feel good, you have to leave, too?"

Suddenly, Kurt stares to Max and feels horrible.

Blaine raises his brows.

"He's my boyfriend and when he wants to leave, then I'll go with-"

He feels how Kurt pats his arm. He turn his head and reads his note.

**Max is right. I'll find the way alone. I'm not a child anymore.**

Blaine gasps for air and feels very uncomfortable by thinking about that Kurt would walk through the cold, dark night, all alone.

"I don't want you to go home alone ..."

"I'll can go with him."

Kurt and Blaine look to Max.

"I mean, I have to buy some cigarettes anyway. The kiosk is along the way ..."

Blaine looks to Kurt and is surprised as this one nods his head.

"I don't know, " Blaine starts, but gets interrupted as Kurt takes his hand and kisses him.

**Have fun!** - Kurt writes down and Blaine nods. He watches how Kurt and Max are walking out of the door and feels suddenly a strange depressing feeling.

"Blaine! Come dancing," a female voice calls him.

"Yeah," he mumbles and turns around.


	36. Cries of pain

|* Hey,

WARNING! There is violence! ... horrible violence. This is not a chapter one could ever like. It's just - read it by yourself!

*sighs*

X aida *|

* * *

Silently, they're walking next to each other, Kurt with crossed arms, trembling since he feels cold. Sometimes Kurt is happy to be mute, so he doesn't have to talk with Max. After a few minutes Max says something.

"It annoys me that Blaine has everything."

Kurt looks to Max, asking and wishes he hadn't done so, as he looks into those dark eyes, which let his heart beat faster in horror.

_Damn it. What does he say? Thought he and Blaine are friends ..._

_Shit, I don't even know this guy!_

Max laughs and Kurt looks straight ahead, walking faster.

"You didn't see that coming, did you?"

He sighs and watches how Kurt contract his brows.

"Blaine doesn't know that I can't stand him."

Kurt's eyes widen and he gasps for air.

_Damn it._

_How much longer, until I'm home?_

"He's popular although he's gay, I mean that's unfair! If they knew that I'm gay too, they would treat me like shit!"

* * *

Kurt starts looking around. It's a gloomy vicinity and not a single person is around at this time.

_Shit._

"He is handsome and charming ... why can't I be like this?"

Kurt trembles even more and can't tell whether it's because of the temperature or because of the creepy guy, who walks next to him.

"Why can't I have someone, I can fuck as hard until he starts to cry without a struggle? ... Someone like you?"

Shocked, Kurt turns his head and gets pressed against the wall, feeling how the boy's lower arm lays upon his chest. Kurt wants to free himself, while he tries to hit the boy with his arms and legs, but the other one is stronger and laughs.

"Is that how you try to defend yourself? Hahaha, cute!"

Kurt spits at him and feels suddenly how his head booms right after the guy hit him with his fist.

"You're a little brat, aren't you?"

* * *

Again, he hits Kurt, but this time into his stomach. For a second he looses the control over his body and collapses, overwhelmed by all his pain. The guy grips Kurt's arm and pulls him after him into an alley, that ends in an impasse behind a corner, which nobody can see when they pass. Kurt tries to fight back, but Max is just too strong. He throws Kurt onto the ground and Kurt tries to sit up, as Max suddenly whips out a knife and holds it in front of Kurt's face. Kurt feels the pain in his stomach and in his head and how something wet is rolling down his face.

_Don't cry!_

_Mobile, take your mobile!_

He withdraws his mobile out of his trouser pocket, but Max takes it away and throws it against the wall from where it ricochets and falls to the ground in a few pieces. Suddenly, Kurt feels how Max presses the cold blade against his neck.

* * *

"If I were you, I would stop to fight back and open my mouth instead!"

Kurt clenches two fists and watches in horror, how Max opens his belt and shows him his hard dick.

_Dear god._

Kurt cant move, knowing that this guy wouldn't be reluctant to kill him with his knife. Trembling, he closes his eyes.

_God._

"Open your mouth!"

He can't stop sobbing and compresses his lips. At pains, he cries out silently, as Max presses the knife into his neck.

"I said open your mouth!"

_Blaine._

Max presses the knife a bit deeper so that Kurt opens his mouth a few inches and the guy thrusts into him again and again while Kurt is crying. He closes his eyes and tries to think about something else.

_Blaine._

_I'm sorry Blaine._

_So sorry._

* * *

Every time, Max thrusts into him, he cuts him a bit more. Over time, Kurt's back and legs feel cold, since he sits on cold stones. He stares to garbages, which are a few meters away.

_When is it over?_

Suddenly he feels how someone pulls him by his hair.

"You're so hot, when you're sobbing like a girl."

_Shit._

_Get a rip._

_Get a rip!_

But no matter how much he tries, the tears are rolling down his face, nonetheless. Finally, he feels a liquid in his mouth and hopes that he would just leave.

_It's over ... it's over._

"C'mon, swallow it!"

Max presses the knife deeper into his flesh, so Kurt swallows it. As the liquid reaches his stomach, he feels a pain and has to puke. Max could leap aside, but didn't thought about to take the knife away, so that he cuts Kurt as this one squirms forward. Kurt kneels in front of his vomit and feels in relief how Max takes the knife away.

_Finally._

But before Kurt could manage to stand up, Max grips his arms, lays it upon his back and binds them together. He presses the heavy breathing boy on the ground, next to his vomit and starts to pull his jeans down.

"It has only just started!"

* * *

Derisively laughing, Max cuts up the rope around Kurt's arms and kicks him into his stomach one last time, while he pulls his own pants up.

"You won't tell Blaine, will you?"

Again, he laughs and leaves the trembling and sobbing boy alone, who lies on the ground in waste and vomit.


	37. That didn't happen

|* Hey ya,

kinda feel like I should say sorry for letting Kurt suffer that much ... Well it's not like I had a choice to write it or not. That's the story and although it is said that the author has the control - I didn't choose this development. I didn't choose to write the story, the story chose to be written by me. I'm innocent. :D

I promise it's the hardest part of Kurt's life, so it will be getting better.

What else ... oh yeah, sorry for updating so late - had a horrible week.

x aida *|

* * *

_Stand up!_

_STAND UP!_

The wind is blowing hard and Kurt feels so damn cold that he can't think about something else than to get released from all his pain. He really wants to move, but as he tries to stand up he feels that ache in his stomach and has to puke again, still lying prone. His stomach contracts, since it's empty and he has the feeling that his whole body is covered by something caustic, that sinks into his flesh more and more. Sometime, he stops puking and remains motionless.

_Pull at least your pants up!_

Slowly he moves his hands down and screams in pain.

His head. His stomach. His ass.

Tears are running down his face and trembling, he pulls his pants up. Heavy breathing, he is a bit proud that he could manage it.

_Proud._

Suddenly, Kurt laughs out.

_How pitiful._

_Be proud that you could pull your jeans up!_

_Really!_

Then his face becomes sad again.

_That didn't happen._

_That didn't -_

The tears interrupt his thoughts and he stares to the wall. Next to the banisters - there's mold. This corner seems to be a dumping ground.

_Where are the rats?_

* * *

Suddenly his whole body aches and Kurt knows that he's over-chilled.

_Stand up!_

_You'll become ill._

Kurt closes his eyes.

_Who cares?_

_Who?_

He pulls his arms up to his head.

_Maybe one person would._

Kurt laughs again with watery eyes.

_I won't ever be able to look into his eyes again._

_Never again._

For a while he looks at the wall. He has no clue how long he had already lain there. Maybe ten minutes or twenty or fifty.

_SO COLD!_

Slowly, he puts his hands on the ground and tries to sit up, what he does in tears.

_It hurts, everything hurts so much._

Somehow, he can pull himself up and clings to the brick wall, shaky-legged. He moves a foot forward and feels how his jeans are sliding down. He holds them and closes his belt.

_Don't think about it!_

_That didn't happen._

While his whole body aches, he walks home, resting upon everything, that passes his way.

* * *

Shocked, Kurt looks into the mirror and watches a dirty boy. The boy's hair is a mess and there is even-

_Oh god._

_Oh god!_

_My puke mixed with his cum?_

Kurt undresses himself – while in pain – and wishes that he could just jump into the shower.

_Stupid tracheostoma._

He runs a bad and holds his head under the tap.

_More shampoo._

_Uhhhhhhhhhhhh!_

His neck hurts extremely, so he walks to the mirror and watches what there is. Again, he sees this strange boy. He looks completely frightened and on his neck are a few wounds, from where blood is dripping.

Kurt lays his hand upon his wounds.

_Shampoo came into the cuts ..._

_The cuts._

_The knife._

_That didn't happen._

The hand's pressure becomes firmer and Kurt sinks to the ground, still pressing upon the wounds. He looks to the bathtub and realizes what he wanted to do. In Trance, he stands up and sits into the tub, which is half-filled. No matter how much soap Kurt uses – he still feels dirty.

* * *

After more than half a hour of trying to get clean he gives up and dresses himself. He applies a plaster and watches his reflection.

_Silly boy._

_A plaster is pretty conspicuous!_

So he hides it with a scarf what isn't that clever.

_Maybe I suffocate ..._

Kurt walks to the washing machine, fills it with his clothes and starts it.

_At least Dad isn't at home._

_Don't know how to explain._

Kurt catches a sight of the clock.

More than three hours passed, since he left the party.

* * *

Intently, Blaine opens Kurt's bedroom door slowly, to not wake him. But the bedside lamp is still on, although Kurt is lying in his bed.

"Sooyy ..."

Blaine rubs his eyes and tries to speak properly.

"Sorryyy."

He doffs his shoes and all his clothes and puts some sweatpants on. Then he walks around the bed, to Kurt who lies with his face to the window.

"Feeling better?"

His eyes are closed and the blanket reaches his nose.

"Hmm?"

Blaine puts his hand upon Kurt's check and is surprised as Kurt winces, so he takes his hand away.

"Do-don't be mad at me! You meant it would be okaaay when I stay longeeer!"

For a moment, Blaine disappears into the bathroom and as he comes back, he slips under the covers.

_Why do we have to share a blanket?_

_Why?_

"You feel better?"

Blaine sees how Kurt nods his head and catches the sight of Kurt's scarf.

"Didnnn-"

He sighs.

**_Damn it._**

_**Just had two beers or three and something Max mixed ...**_

"Didnn't you meant – wearing a sccarrf is daangeriiou .. is dageeeerooouus?"

* * *

Kurt's heart starts racing.

_Please._

It's hard enough just lying in the same bed as Blaine and now he even approaches.

"Shouuuld remove the scaaarf!"

_DON'T!_

Suddenly, Kurt winces again as he feels how a hand touches the scarf and wants to remove it.

_Calm down, it's just Blaine!_

_Just Blaine._

_... the plaster!_

Kurt shoves Blaine's hand away, trembling as he has to touch someone.

"C'mon Kurt."

He lays his hands on the scarf again.

"I see no reason-"

And before Kurt can pull him away a second time, the horrible thing happens.

"Is that a plaster?"


End file.
